I gave my number to a man who I have no interest in

And he won’t stop calling me.

I feel awful whenever his caller id comes up. I know it’s him because no one local ever calls my land line. HIs voice messages sound so earnest and eager. But I’m just not interested.

He seemed nice when he first approached, though he has to be at least 20 years my senior. I should have told him then that I wasn’t taking applications, but he came at me like a whirlwind while I was in a just-got-off-of-work-and-I’m-tired funk. I wasn’t on my usual guard. He said a few things that made me smile, so when he asked for my number, I didn’t give him a fake one like I normally do. As I wrote it down for him, I thought to myself, “I’m doing something risky, talking to this man, but maybe I should stop being Miss Prudish Priss and give someone a chance. You know, be a normal girl for a change. I can’t say no to people forever.” I hate being the “no” girl all the time. I’ve never said yes to anyone, and it’s starting to get old.

It would have been alright if he had just let me walk away. Maybe I would have answered his call and let him “woo” me. But no, he had to pull me across the street and show me his car (a battered minivan). All the while talking about how much money he has. He pointed out his Vietnam Vet license plate holders (two of them), and then opened his front seat and pulled out a thick manilla folder. Inside was a stack of Xeroxed newspaper articles involving him. But none of them were good, human interest stories. No, all of them involved him suing someone. The DMV. The department of corrections. The lottery. He had all the settlement amounts circled and highlighted, for easy reference. These settlements, he told me, were the source of a lot of his income, along with his tractor trailer and flight instructor jobs. “I got a lotta money, pretty lady, and nobody to spend it on.” Suddenly, this “nice” guy didn’t seem so nice. I instantly regretted dropping my defenses and giving out my number so easily, but I gave him a cheerful farewell.

Before we departed, he gave me this poem he wrote, about attitude and its power on your life. It was actually kind of good, in a Sunday School Words-of-Inspiration kind of way. But I’m not a gold-digger. I can’t be with someone who thinks money is the way to my heart, or that I’d be impressed with him suing anyone with a pulse. He kept saying he could tell I was intelligent, but he never asked what I did for a living. It was all about his money and getting with a “pretty, laid-back” girl like me. A guy like that screams married to me, as well as some other things.

So now he’s called about six times and left two messages. I feel guilty, listening to that ringing phone, but I can’t answer it. I hate myself for being so weak and scary, but I hate even more that I got myself in this situation. I kinda want to tell him why I’m not interested, since none of my reasons seem petty (he’s not hideous looking, and while the age difference is an obstacle, it wouldn’t be insurmountable). But I don’t want to give him a chance to defend himself, because then I might turn wussy again and do something (like go out with him) when I don’t want to.

Dammit, when am I going to be able to say “yes” to someone and actually be able to answer their calls?

Oooh, yeah. Have someone you know call him and tell him that he’s been getting the wrong number and they just wanted to let him know because he seems so earnest in trying to get a hold of you.

And then don’t ever go back to where you met him.

I sometimes do this, too, and I do not know why. Probably because I’m afraid that if I say no it’ll feel awkward and uncomfortable so I just do it to go along with the present flow. I’m getting better though, you just have to walk away- quickly- as you’re saying no.

That is good advice Alice!

Of course, a simple “My man and I just got back together” might work as well. Bonus points if a guy is there to br the “man”.

What is it with you, ywtf, and your May-December stalkers? Can’t you learn to play with kids your own age?

You know, monstro, there actually are plenty of nice, normal guys out there that you can say “yes” to - they don’t have to be Mr. Perfect, but they can be Mr. Havingsomefunfornow. This guy does not seem to be one of them, but don’t let that stop you from ever taking a chance again. Maybe next time if you see a guy worth hanging out with, ask him for HIS number. Then actually call him. :slight_smile:

I went on a blind date with a guy who was completely wrong for me once when I was young - telling him how disinterested I was was not an easy thing to do, but I did it. Sack up, girl! Get in the driver’s seat!

Also, be sure to have a fake # for those times when you know you don’t want to talk to someone.

You have NEVER said yes???
I hope no other women have this habit. No wonder why its so hard for us guys to get a “yes.” Apparently we have struck out before we even see a girl.

Is it really that hard to just refuse to give your number? You have to give guys false hope by passing out a fake one? What the fuck?

Well, sometimes they’re persistent and they give you feeling that you’re being a snooty bitch just for having standards. I’ve only given out one fake, and it was just one digit off from my real number, but now I have one of those “rejection hotline” numbers. Some creepy older guy tried to hit on me and it was too awkward for words.

You have no idea how persistent, annoying and aggressive some guys can be. A fake number is a quick exit strategy when you’re in the cross-hairs of someone who just won’t take no for an answer. Sure, you could stand up to him and make a point of telling him that you’re not giving him your number and why but most of us have been through that seemingly-endless conversation and have little or no desire to live it over and over again.

Example: Some months ago I went out and a guy was hitting on me. He wasn’t hideous and I had no reason to believe he was anything other than a decent human being, but I felt no attraction to him whatsoever*. It’s always embarrassing to find yourself talking to someone who is clearly attracted to you when it’s not mutual. Anyway, I told him straight out that I was always happy to make new friends but that I wasn’t looking to meet a guy at the present time (which was true, even though it omitted the fact that I wouldn’t be attracted to him even if I was cruising for guys) and there was no chance for romantic involvement between us. I said he didn’t have to run off and I’d be happy to continue to chat if he wanted to but if he opted to move on, I understood. He wanted to know why I didn’t want a romantic involvement. I told him - with a smile - that was my own business and not something I wanted to share. He asked if I’d had my heart broken, or was I involved with someone else, or if he’d done something wrong or if it was something to do with his looks/personality/approach. I told him again that it just wasn’t open for discussion, that my reasons were my own and that all he needed to know was that I wasn’t looking to get involved with anyone, the end. He persisted in pushing me to tell him why I wasn’t interested. I told him that I didn’t think I owed him - a stranger - any answers and that it was my own business, and just because he was attracted to me it didn’t make me obligated to share my personal life with him. He then asked if he would come in the following week to find me with my tongue halfway down someone else’s throat, as had happened to him in the past. I asked how long he thought was a reasonable time for them - and me - to wait, and said that even if he did find me in such a position, it was none of his business and that if I changed my mind about getting involved with someone then I certainly didn’t feel I owed him an explanation for it. I pointed out that I’d allowed him to buy me one drink and I had returned the favour by buying him a drink so we were square, that I hadn’t lead him on in any way and that I’d told him the truth outright so that if he wanted to look for something more with someone else, he hadn’t wasted his whole evening on fruitlessly pursuing me, and that beyond that I didn’t think he had any right to any piece of my life. Finally, after what felt like forever, he gave up on the attempted persuasion and emotional blackmail and left me alone.

If I’d given him a fake number, that discussion would have been over in 30 seconds.

  • I didn’t know what I didn’t like about him before I rejected him but as we had the conversation described above, I decided he was possessive, demanding and manipulative, and decided my intuition was spot-on. He was not someone I wanted to get involved with, at all, ever.

ExACTly. Some men do not take rejection easily, and it’s way easier to just fake him out and shut him up.

A few weeks ago I agreed to go out with a guy but I didn’t mean it. He knew my phone number. About a week into trying to blow him off, I was looking for a number that a friend had called from. She’d changed her number and I hadn’t gotten it, so I figured I’d just look through my incoming calls. I found an unfamiliar number and thought it was hers. Guess who it was? I tried to say real quick, “Oh, I must have the wrong number” (in a fake British old lady voice) (not really) and hang up real quick but he caught me. “Alice, is that you?” “Oh, yeah, hi. I just thought I’d call, to see… how you’re doing.” He ended up asking me out and I said yes! :smack: I just wanted to get off the phone, so I said yes. I did end up coming clean with him a few days later about my real feelings, and I learned a valuable lesson. Never trust that incoming call log.