She has an immunity to rohypnol and other similar hypnotic sedatives…
Any ideas?
A friend also had the same issue- she took 15 roofies and went to clubs for fun…
I don’t understand, but I need another option…
You married your mom? :eek:
That comment was in reference to an actual thread here?? Anyone got a link? It sound like one hell of a read.
The ‘girl’ thing is killing me. WTF. I really wish I knew how to cook up some Freudian psychoanalysis on the spot, because there has to be something to that. Nobody is swalllowing the whole, “Oh, I needed to differentiate between the wife and her”. You could have gone for “The other woman, hereafter known as TOW” or something. You’ve message boarded enough to know how to do this shit.
And at one point you said, “the new girl”. Jesus fucking christ, that is awkward. Once you decided to specify ‘new’ you could have certainly said, ‘woman’.
If you want out of the marriage, you want out, I guess. No good to stay if you don’t want to be there. That can’t be healthy for the family overall. It would be nice if people didn’t make vows about ‘til’ death do us part’ in the first place if they don’t mean it, though. It’s not fair to the person who did mean it, but may have passed up many opportunities to act on her feelings for other men out of respect for the vows, just to have you flout them. Not fair a bit.
No link, but I remember the poster was from California, and she eventually changed her screen name to something like Ms. Fabulous or another similar handle, but I haven’t seen her post here for at least a year or more.
It got pretty heated, and one Doper was so offended by her conduct (or at least the fact that she wanted to gloat about it on SDMB, which is what fucks me about all of these kinds of threads) that he attempted to track her identity down so he could warn her husband about what a deceitful, greedy, disgusting whore his wife was…
Her whole deal was, “My husband is an OK guy and a good father to our kids, but in essence he’s really just a dull simpleton, so I am gonna hot-fuck all these other men, wett & raw bareback, but I can’t leave my marriage because my sweet, stupid husband is really raking in the big bux, and I don’t want off the Gravy Train just yet.”
She made good ol’ “Australian Father Of The Year 2011” Mr. Richard Pearse look like the picture of paternal devotion by comparison.
MPB, are you talking about this chick?
as for the OP, i hope your family heals someday. enjoy the fantasy while it lasts.
Thar she blows!!!
(and blows and blows and blows)
You completely betrayed the trust of your wife and children. And her husband. In his own home. Completely blindsiding two families, in your wake.
You told your whole romantic tale and barely mentioned your children, that’s a huge red flag for me. It was all about you, you, you!
No shining future, would be worth living the rest of my life knowing that I’m ‘that’ guy. [
I’m a very strong believer in karma, shiver!
There’s such an abundance of things wrong and sad an pathetic about this. Fortunately most ofthem have been pointed out.
But my eye was caught by this:
Classic. The man doesn’t leave until he’s sure he’s got someone to fill in, the woman just leaves.
Ew.
I predict a major (emotional) crash and burn down the line when you discover that no relationship keeps you high forever, and I very much hope for your children’s sake that your wife either stays single or finds someone more genuinely committed to the family than you have been.
And finally, I will never in a million years understand how anyone can ever trust someone they first fell for when that person was in a relationship. Talk about disconnect…hardest damn lesson I ever learned was this: people show you who they are, trust what they show you.
The guy scored himself some 29-year old tail and he’s bragging about it. He sees and portrays her as a “girl” because seducing a younger woman is what every man (married or not) supposedly wishes they could do. But the OP, being the role model of virility that he is, doesn’t just have that wish; he’s living the dream! The last sentence of the OP (with the accompanying smiley face) says it all. He’s so all that that he was able to render a promise ring meaningless.
I know I sound judgemental, but Christ Jesus, the OP’s blase attitude towards the whole thing is bringing it out of me.
Even non-arranged marriages sometimes don’t. My Indian parents met each other and fell in love and got married and had a shitty marriage. They are still married…and that’s another story! 
Back to the topic…when I was around ten or twelve years old, I found out that my father was cheating on my mother with my best friend’s mom and I hated him…yes… hated him for it and still do at times.
But as I read this post, I can’t help but think about the kind of man that OP is and also about commitment and marriage and relationships and us humans. I have never cheated in a relationship, but I have been cheated on. What were you thinking while you were making out with your “girl” in her home? It looks like you had time to think about what was going on or about to happen since you went on bike rides with her and told her that you really liked her. At any point did you stop and think how your wife would feel about all this? Did you think at any point that you were going to give up on your marriage and your kids and take a chance on this “girl”?
Is it just a sexual thing? Is it just appealing to you because you consider it risqué and different and you just needed a change of pace in your life? When did relationships become so disposable?
Sigh! I just have all these questions about you and also people in general who make such decisions in life. For some reason, I think you will regret what you did, if not now, maybe a few years down the line. And if you don’t necessarily regret them, I see you at least thinking about ways in which you could have treated everyone involved differently. Good luck!
Sorry for being all existential and stuff.
Grow out a Van Dyke beard and tell her you are your own evil twin.
Blackberry Brandy enema?
**But my eye was caught by this:
Classic. The man doesn’t leave until he’s sure he’s got someone to fill in, the woman just leaves.
Ew.
I predict a major (emotional) crash and burn down the line when you discover that no relationship keeps you high forever, and I very much hope for your children’s sake that your wife either stays single or finds someone more genuinely committed to the family than you have been.
And finally, I will never in a million years understand how anyone can ever trust someone they first fell for when that person was in a relationship. Talk about disconnect…hardest damn lesson I ever learned was this: people show you who they are, trust what they show you.**
Seriously. I left my husband about seven years ago for a good reason and because I thought it was better to be alone than with him. In doing so I discovered that men don’t leave unless they have someone else to go to.
Why? Men can’t stand to be alone? Really?
I agree 100% with the above.
I re-read the OP, and some things popped out at me.
Here’s the timeline that you have in your OP.
~ Three years ago, you met “the girl”
~ six months ago, you decided that you were attracted to her
Shortly after this, you and she dance around the idea of getting together, and less than a day later, you two have what boils down to a make-out session. And the guy you thought was her husband sees this.
Then you find out that she isn’t really married?
Dude, if you knew the girl for three years, and you thought she was married the whole time, you don’t know this girl.
And if you have only recently decided that you were attracted to her, it is still limerence. And if you never felt “this way” about your current wife, how did you two get married?
But this whole thing has creepy/flake drama written all over it. She is caught kissing you, and her supposed husband doesn’t flip his lid? She’s wearing what she claims is a “possession ring” and the person who gave it to her isn’t acting possessive? There is something seriously wrong with this picture. Either someone is lying, or this couple is into some sort of kink that you’re being an unwitting participant in. BTW, you’re probably lucky this guy didn’t beat you to a pulp.
I can’t wait to see how this thing unfolds. It could be that “the girl” never shows up, or that Dick finds her cheating on him in a year or two. Or, in 5 years he’s starting over again with another sweet young thing.
If she was 20 I’d see where you’re coming from, but I didn’t see the 36/29 age thing as being particularly unusual. I mentioned her age to show that she is not really a “girl”. My wife is also a few years younger than me and I’ve had other relationships before I was married with women who ranged from several years older, to several years younger. She is near the limit of, but still within the range of where I mentally think of people as being the same age as me.
I should explain the “girl” thing a bit better I suppose. One of my instructors is an old man who calls me “boy”, “squire”, or “lad”. My girlfriend and I think this is quite funny and have taken to calling each other “girl”, “boy”, “lad”, “lass” etc. It seemed natural to refer to her as “girl” in the OP, but I can see how it didn’t come across well to people who don’t know us.
To those who are worried that my children didn’t seem to factor into my thinking, I’ve described events in my OP rather than delving too much into what I was thinking. The children weren’t part of the events, but they certainly factored into the thinking.
The promise ring comment was a joke (as was the comment in the middle when we were caught.) It reflects my sense of humour which is generally quite tasteless and inappropriate. I normally have the sense not to use it on people I don’t know well, but that filter wasn’t operational last night.
The other thing not featured in your OP was grief. When I saw the OP I was certain I would be reading a tale of loss and sorrow and grief. Silly of me, evidently.
My grandfather was cheating on my grandmother before she died (when my Mom was nine). He married the woman that he was having an affair with, and was soon cheating on her. This would be the late nineteen forties, I believe.
She divorced him, and he promptly married the next person in line. And this cycle was repeated multiple times - get married, cheat, get dumped, get married…
All the way into his seventies and (I believe) his eighties.
There have always been people like this, and there will always be. But there is no longer any good reason to cheat. At least for a lot of the world, you’re not forced into staying in a marriage that you can’t stand to be in, anymore. But if someone’s not happy in their current relationship, they really do need to end it BEFORE moving on to someone else.
I’d always known I was attracted to her, it was just that six months ago I started seeing her and him out of work. It was actually more like nine months now, I’ve been thinking of it as six months since January. I hadn’t intended on pursuing her by the way, I didn’t think she was interested, it was just nice to have some company from both of them while I was away from home.
She wore a single band with some jewels on it on her ring finger. It looked more like an engagement ring than a wedding ring. I’d asked her early on if she was married and she’d said yes. I had suspected this wasn’t quite true but I had nothing to go on other than just a gut feeling and that she didn’t have her partner’s name, I wasn’t about to confront her about it. After we got together she said she had something important to tell me and that she wasn’t married, I was not surprised at all, because I do know her pretty well. There’s more to it than that of course, that’s just a summary.
Well I love/d my wife but I never had this feeling of friendship with her. Throughout my life I’d only had two very good friends and they were both men. I hadn’t had the same level of friendship and physical attraction with just the one person and thought it didn’t really happen that way. That’s not to say that my wife and I weren’t friends, but it was different, there wasn’t the depth of commonality between us.
He is a very unusual man and that is not his style. I realise things might sound off, but I know them both well enough to be comfortable that things are as they’ve been presented to me. I’ve also seen everything pretty much first hand. I know what they were like together, I know why she didn’t want to be with him anymore, I’ve seen the way he acts that pisses her off, and I’ve metaphorically held her hand through the separation process as she moved out of his house.
Stoid, grief is not something I share with people on a message board, in fact emotions in general are things I only share with a very few people in real life only (I don’t even talk about my feelings with my mother.) Just because I omit things from my posts, does not mean they aren’t there.
Also, this all happened in January / February, I’m posting about it now because the raw emotion has pretty much settled down.
I’m not a habitual cheater either, this is the first time in my life I’ve done anything like this. Not that that is any comfort to the people hurt by it, but if this is part of a pattern of a behaviour then it is the start rather than a continuation. I’m hoping of course that it’s a once off. Time will tell.
Nothing like a relationship thread to get people all sanctimonious. Loves it.
FWIW RP, I don’t think you’re a bad person or ruining anyone’s lives. Did you go about things in the right way? Maybe, maybe not. But hindsight is usually 20/20. I haven’t seen you discussing having kids with the new girlfriend, so all of the admonishments to “OMG GET VASECTOMY NAO!” are frankly pretty fucking retarded.
Go and see your EAP at work. Get assistance with regards to counselling for you and your kids, and just remember what they need should always come first - but it doesn’t mean you should resign yourself to staying with someone you don’t really feel a connection with, just because the kids are there.
Best of luck Richard Pearse. It is a terribly difficult decision.