Oh hell. It’s not our business who the man sleeps with. Clearly he loves his kids and he is doing his best. He went about the divorce the wrong way, but* back off.*
Sure it’s our business, because he made it our business when he decided to tell the whole story on the SDMB. If you’re going to do something shitty and then tell a bunch of strangers about it, you shouldn’t be surprised if they tell you it’s shitty.
This, this, and a thousand times this. Leaving your family is a huge decision. You should make sure that you are doing it because it is irrevocably broken, and not because you have a hard dick towards this lady. Best of luck.
I agree with this and know it well because my mother did exactly the same thing. I happen to look exactly like my father, which added another whole layer of insanity to it all. It is THIS kind of shit that stays with a person and makes it that much harder to have healthy relationships in life.
That said, I highly doubt the OP has thought any of this through. Sure, there’s bound to be much more to this story than what he relates here (let us all hope so), but I see no remorse, no concern for his kids, his future, the intricate, overwhelming details involved in separating from an established life. His focus is NOT on how to get through all that with minimal damage to all; his focus is in sharing just how GREAT it all will be. He hasn’t mentioned attempting to work on his marriage at all. That’s a huge red flag to me. YMMV.
Are some people over the top here? Sure. Why not? They’re just opinions. So what?
ETA: Clearly he loves his kids? From where does one derive that conclusion? Clearly he loves the endorphin high he’s getting from “the girl” (and just wait until “the girl” has needs that he is not interested in satisfying…)
So what happens in 10 years when the new “girl” has two of your kids and isn’t as exciting as the new secretary? You gonna divorce her too? You’re likely to run out of money for alimoney and child support that way.
My parents had a fantastic marriage but I agree with this notion logically. At least now his kids will have a happy father instead of a lifeless/depressed one. And maybe their mom will find a guy who makes her happy too and then you’ve got two happy role models and relationships to learn from instead of seeing a bleak miserable secret-hiding daddy and mommy growing ever-distant as their primary example of what relationships should be. It doesn’t necessarily have to end in doom and gloom for the kids.
You gave it a go, 12 years is a good attempt. Ideally you could have set up an open marriage where you guys can stay together but play guilt-free on the side, but most couples can’t handle the jealousy and such in that and youve already set this way into motion. It sounds like you’re concerned about how to minimize the damage to your kids which is good.
All in all I don’t think people should be forced to be miserable.
…but your new chick is nuts. There are a fuckton of red flags you can’t see right now with the “she’s special and magical” goggles you have on. She will be the mayor of Drama-ville, population: you. But then half the attraction is that this chick makes you feel SOMETHING (good or bad) while with your wife your emotions are flatlined. It’s the same reason chicks cheat on their nice guy bfs/hubbies, even the drama feels good just cause it’s SOMETHING.
- TWTTWN
To you and your lady friend; congratulations! You are now in a relationship with a confessed cheater.
I hope I never am in a plane which you pilot, clearly duty and responsibility are words you take lightly, no matter what your abilities, which I am sure are first rate.
It’s funny you say this, because to me she sounds the least nuts out of the two of them. At least her decision to leave was independent of the new guy, plus she didn’t break any legally binding contract by breaking up with her bf. She also isn’t adding years of child support and possibly alimony on top of pre-existing financial worries. And estrangement from her kids presumably isn’t an issue for her either.
If anyone has red flags, it’s the OP unfortunately. If I were advising “the girl”, I would tell her to wake up and smell the baggage coming her way. By moving to where he is, she’ll be inviting a scorned baby mama and two little kids into her life. Any friend that is worth something would tell her to slow down with this guy. The infidelity actually is the least of it.
Well, don’t forget that she told the OP she was married and for 3 years kept that fiction in place…
They deserve one another, IMO. I reserve my sympathies and concern for the wife, kids and “husband” aka cuckold.
Our two statements aren’t in conflict. 
He’s nuts too, but I think he knows that he is whereas the neon red flags this chick is waving aren’t on his radar because she is new vag and new vag is always magical at first.
They might make it work, they might not. Either way I wish everyone involved from him and his chick to his wife and kids the best of luck. When people first break up it’s “this is the worst thing ever!!!” and if they don’t find happiness they say “that was the moment my life fell apart damn you you bastard!!” but if they find happiness they say “that was the best thing ever, I was mad at the time but I’m so thankful because him bailing on me let me meet this wonderful new person”
The human mind and how it backwards rationalizes is a fascinating thing. 
- TWTTWN
Really? You didn’t start this thread looking for validation, and you don’t share your emotions with strangers on message boards. This still smells fishy. Just what are you getting out of this Richard Pearse? What did you start this thread, and why do you keep coming back to it?
Either you’re not being honest with yourself, or you’re not being honest with us. Or maybe both. I’m betting on the first one.
I think this is very accurate.
I think it’s the saddest thing about this hopelessly sad thread.
I actually think it’s an interesting social experiment, pitting the ideal of “you should never stay in a marriage if you are unhappy” versus the idea that people who happily get divorces are homewreckers.
I thought I’d knew how it would turn out, but there are actually people defending the former from the latter.
As for me, I don’t give a crap. OP, do what you want. Get the negative reactions you crave for what you obviously feel is a negative action. The only thing I will warn you about is to make sure it doesn’t lead to depression. Beating yourself up only seems like it will make you feel better.
If that was the case, I’d suggest to the OP that he try the same experiment on other message boards (unrelated to this one) as well before coming to a conclusion. It was pretty easy to predict how this thread would turn out on this message board.
Richard Pearse, I wish you joy, peace and happiness. Good luck with the journey ahead!
Agreed. I refer to myself as a girl, and I’m 28.
It wasn’t that he once referred to her this way, it was that he only ever called her, ‘the girl’, it did creep me out a bit.
So what. I do, too. And as a sassy black woman, it is my duty to say ‘gurrrrl’ at least once a week, or they take my card away. But if you can read the OP and not find the way he says it stilted, awkward, forced and contrived, then color me surprised at that. It is crystal clear that he applying the word differently than one is used to hearing it. I know you feel where I’m coming from, gurl.
So fucking what? A lot of men refer to their wives as “the wife” and women do likewise when referring to their husbands. He even included a footer note in case you lost your shit over it. But here you all are, getting recreationally outraged about it anyway.
I just went back and read it over again (rather, I just ctrl+f’d “girl” and read those sentences again). No, the word usage didn’t seem weird to me.
[QUOTE=Richard]
That day I went home for my two weeks of days off with my family while girl had to work and mull things over
[/QUOTE]
Ha. Hahaa. Hahaaa!
Ok. I guess I’m just old. In your young generation, Clock, it must be common to say things like “me and boy went for a drink while girl and girl went to the movies.”
Sure. Not awkward at all.
Exactly. Glad we could clear that up.