The Mystery, Finally Revealed
this is the moment you’ve all been waiting for…
:drumroll please:
What does everything on this planet have? Can’t think of the answer? Well I’ll tell you the answer. Every single thing on this planet has an arch nemesis. A complementary opposite. There’s peanut butter, right. Then there’s jelly. Tom had Jerry. Austin Powers and Dr. Evil. There’s communism and capitalism. Jehova’s witness and well, every other religion. The intestine has tapeworm. Gore and Bush. Pepsi and Coke. Broccolli and pezpunk, ears and Tyson…well, you get the point by now. The big secret has to do with the one thing on this planet that has no arch nemesis, but desperately needs one. The Illuminati, that’s right. I’m just as scared as you are.
The Illuminati has accomplished quite a bit since it was founded by Weishaupt in 1776. If you want proof check out this brief chronicle of Illuminati activity. I was charged with a divine (read: made up) mission to give balance to the planet by assembling a group of humans capable of arch nemesesizing (that’s a verb) the Illuminati. Sure the control the entire European and American Economy and are solely responsible for the formation of the United Nations and the Council on Foreign Relations. Sure they have a 230 year headstart on us. Sure they have the media in their pocket, maybe even including :gasp: the SDMB message board. So what, they’re powerful. But if anybody can handle this job, it’s a rogue group of thread killers.
Think about it, we have everything we need. Aside from the innate ability to destroy threads, we, as a group have so many other great qualities that will prove invaluable in our quest. We have a seemingly unending supply of breakfast foods. Everyone always says breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so imagine how powerful we would be if we ate breakfast at every meal. If we got everybody from this thread in the same room together, there would be so much cynicism in the air that the unaccustomed would suffocate upon taking their first breath. Collectively, we can do it. With all the talent there is alying around here, the skies the limit.
DireWolf, well…do I even have to say anything? I mean, you’ve got a tail for Pete’s sake. particlewill has the unique trait of being a guy named will made up of particles. Not everybody can say that. Not to mention you’re access to surplus stealth paint. Then there’s struuter, perhaps the most important member of the group who can whip up food like no other. There are countless others of you out there whose services would be invaluable. Quasar: keeper of threadkill legend. InternetLegend: already a legend even though the internet has only been around for a few years.
We can do it if we all remain united as threadkillers.
At this point I would like to motion that we make the organization official. Is there a second? Anyone? Guys? :coughing heard in the distance:
Of course we’re gonna need a name for our squad, and positions for everybody. struuter is unquestionable executive in charge of sustenance preparation. You will have a full staff…chosen by you of course. The rest of the titles are up for grabs.
We are always looking for new recruits, but not the pansy-ass kind that turn tail and run at the first sign of turmoil (I think DW is the only one with a tail, though). We need dedication, we need perseverance, we need ingenuity, but most of all we need freaks. People with special talents or traits. I, for example, have titanium (not steel, I know my name is misleading) reinforced jaws. Screws, plates and everything. We need everyone we can get, as the Illuminati is already great in numbers. Oh and if any of you can summon spirits from the past to come and help us, it would be greatly appreciated.
So let’s take 'em down.
I think we should do a practice run and try to take over, say Canada, since the Illuminati already controls the U.S., and Europe. Any Canadians out there who want to help out, inquire within. We need to start by gathering a vast amount of information about there economy, government, and social structure. Any contributions will be appreciated. I know that snowboarding is great there, and they manufacture Molson beer. That’s a start.
Anyway, I’ll ask again. Who’s with me?
Don’t forget, we need a name, and everybody needs official titles.
[sub]by the way, I might be dead by the time you read this[/sub] but hopefully not.
