Painful rectal itch!
The heartbreak of psoriasis!
The pain … the itch … of hemorrhoids!
Don’t you just love beautiful feet?*
*Ditto on the age cohort.
When life hands me lemons, I make huge useless pyramids of rotting fruit.
He could sing the pants off a tree.
That which does not kill me hurts like a bastard.
Langue de boeuf, Monsieur!
I used to like wearing jeans clothing. Then one day, she told me to wear my own.
One day in Ancient Greece, Euripides took some torn togas to a tailor. The tailor said “Euripides?”
Durn ya! Beat me to it! Hats off to another Caldwell fan! (“Throw him to the dolphins!”)
Somewhere on the internet are yearly lists posted by a teacher who gives her young charges a special quiz. The quiz is composed of the beginnings of well known phrases followed by blanks to be filled in. The kids come up with hilarious endings. Sadly, it’s too late at night to think of the key words to google that.
A Victorian-type General, you say? How about mangling a little Light Brigade?
Into the valley of the Dolls marched the Six Hundred, and all that bally old rot…
A penny saved isn’t worth the paper its printed on.
A penny saved is not enough to share your opinion.
He went up the mountain a boy. He came down a slide.
The road to Taco Bell is paved with wooden tension.
[Squadron Leader]Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how’s-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.[/SL]
She was running around like a chicken with her head on the other side of the road.
All signs fail in dry weather.
When the cats away, the mice will eat the cheese tray.
I would absolutelt love it if you modelled him on this chap;
Rowley Birkin QC from The Fast Show: https://youtu.be/18JmieM8SFc
"Later guys, I got things to see and people to do…
…Oh no, wait a minute, I got that backwards. I got people to do and things to see…
…There, that’s much better."
I’ve reached the very pineapple of success!
“I could care less”
He was running around like a chicken with his legs cut off!
Do you know who Yogi Bera was? He was a famous baseball coach who used to say all kinds of crazy, funny, senseless idioms. Here are 50 you might like:
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When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
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You can observe a lot by just watching.
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It ain’t over till it’s over.
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No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.
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Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.