For far too long the “facts” about Chuck Norris have echoed from the countryside while the “facts” about our president have gone unheralded. Well, the time has finally come to give the man his due. Just like the facts about Chuck Norris reflect his unique character traits, so too should the “Trump FACTS” reflect the many unique character traits of Donald J. Trump.
(Don’t hold it against the thread if my first submission sucks. I think most of you can do much better. Please do, just so we don’t make this like the time I tried to start an ill-advised “Twelve Days of Trumpmas” thread during the holidays and you all left me hanging!)
Anyway:
Donald Trump is not a plutocrat, he just pretends to be one in exchange for money and power.
David Gerrold is suing him for copyright infringement in regards to his hairpiece.
Trump’s tears cure absolutely nothing.
Trump FACT:
Trump’s not fit to shovel shit from one place to another.
Behind Trump’s chin is a double chin.
All Donald Trump Facts are alternative.
Trump thinks Chuck Norris facts are literally true. Trump almost tweeted about the new plan to fight ISIS via a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, but Kushner got hold of his smartphone just in time.
National Football League owners have all been in cahoots since the '80s to prevent Trump from ever buying a franchise due to him being a cis heterosexual white male.
Trump thinks he’s great, but he’s actually a fat worthless piece of shit. And his hands are tiny.
Trump would totally take candy from a baby were it not for his germaphobia.
(And that the baby could kick his corpulent ass)
Donald Trump is so racist he’s building a wall around Mark Cuban.
Donald Trump’s hair was originally discovered crawling around in the Amazonian rainforest.
Trump tried to appoint Bat Boy as Secretary of Internal Affairs but was dismayed when Bat Boy did not return his calls.
Trump always looks angry because Ivanka was born in a country in which he’s not allowed to marry her.
When you were partying, Trump studied blade. When you were having premarital sex, Trump mastered the block chain. While you wasted your days in the gym in pursuit of vanit, Trump cultivated inner strength.
And now that the world’s on fire and the barbarians are the gate you have the AUDACITY to come to him for help?
Donald Trump’s favourite book is 1984, an uplifting tale about a loser who makes good.
Donald Trump is so racist he won’t even listen to the Black Album.
Behind Trump’s behind is another behind.
Donald Trump declares bankruptcy so much because he’s so racist he’d rather be broke than in the black.
Donald Trump is so racist he thinks MILF stands for Muslims I’d Like to Forbid.
(Mike Pence knows what it means, but he thinks it’s got a comma in it.)
