Well, you do, of course, have the right to set whatever standards you want before you date someone.
Of course, everyone else has the right to judge you for your standards.
It seems to me that the wisest policy is to be upfront about lack of experience, because if the other person is going to consider it a deal breaker, then they’re probably not the sort of person you want in your bed in the first place. Anyone that shallow is probably going to be a lousy lay, and if you’ve been waiting that long for your first time, you want to make sure it was worth the wait.
It occurs to me that **Bricker ** is a lawyer, and thus probably already has *many * suits. Probably expensive ones too.
Anyway, back on topic…it just seems to me that being a virgin shouldn’t automatically be a deal-breaker. A lot of people in that other thread it would be, “unless the person has a lot of enthusiasm”. Why wouldn’t they have enthusiasm? If they’re not holding out for any reason, then most likely it is a combination of circumstances/shyness/the world that has gotten them into that position. None of the adult virgins I know are disgusting or heinous…just painfully shy when it comes to that sort of thing.
It really, really surprises me to be disagreeing with Miller. Not that my surprise matters to anyone – even me, really – I’m just sayin’.
Which, unless I missed something, was exactly QuickSilver’s reaction to the OP. Why do you feel the need to judge him for his standards when all he did was judge Anaamika for hers, which you say he had the right to do?
:dubious: How does not wanting to date a virgin make someone so bad? I have never wanted to be anyone’s “first” (heck, I even had reservations about being my last boyfriend’s third) and virginity in a man my age is a great big red flag – I wouldn’t ever judge him, but it’s a sign of potentially serious incompatibility.
For the record: I’m definitely not shallow, and I happen to be a great lay.
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a virgin?
Why is it wrong if I simply don’t like men who are painfully shy when it comes to “that sort of thing?” Why shouldn’t virginity be just as much a deal-breaker as, I don’t know, religion? Or smoking? Or any of the other “nope, we’re just not compatible” things out there in dating land?
It’s not that. It’s just that…considering how you debate on this board, I’m a little afraid of how hard you’re going to wield that hairbrush. :eek:
It isn’t really, and I didn’t mean to imply it was. I just think it is wrong for me and me alone. I can have a different set of moral standards for myself as opposed to others.
Dorjan, we can start with committment-phobia on both sides and extend all the way up to “just too much trouble”. It *would * take a while.
Yeah!
Hey! Wait a damn second!.. That was one of those backhanded thing-a-ma-dads, w’an it?!
Some years back I wanted my boat fixed up but didn’t have the time to do it myself. My former BIL was out of work and I offered him the job because he had the time and needed the money. He had worked with laying up fiberglass in the past but was far from an expert. He did his best. In the end, most of what he’d done had to be re-laid by a professional boat renovator with far better results. It wasn’t that BIL’s heart wasn’t in it or that his intentions were not in the right place. He just lacked experience.
The difference, of course, is that you do not need to devote 150+ hours of painstaking labor to wind up with a one-time bad sexual experience. With sex, if you don’t get it right the first time, in a little while (and with some direction from your partner) you can try it again. In fact, by the time one has invested 150+ hours in sexual activity, a person will be much more familiar with that activity than a person renovating a boat will be with that activity.
(Interesting that in your analogy, your BIL’s efforts had to be re-laid.)
My guess is that Bricker just discovered that Mrs. Bricker has visited the board, found it not to her liking, and announced that she would never visit again.
And there’s nothing actually harmed by inexperience with sex. Provided you take the standard precautions, you didn’t lose money or an expensive boat. You don’t need new sexual organs if you screw it up the first time.
Because the crazy thing about virginity is…it goes away after someone gets laid. Not like smoking or religion. And the more people who think like you, the harder it gets for people like me to ever get laid in the first place, so we have to wait even longer, then more women throw the red flag because we are now even OLDER and its even MORE of a warning sign, hence we STILL don’t lose it and…well, you get the idea.
i was just wondering if you had a good reason, and I’m sure ya do.
