If life gives you lemons...

It’s about shooting as many baddies as possible.
I’m a little teapot…

…at least, that’s what the voices in my head tell me.
So this is Christmas…

…where are my bloody presents???

The best things in life are …

…too damn expensive

Like a…

…Ike. Eisenhower’s posthumous bid for candidacy.

Jesus wants me for…

… the staring role in “Death of Mel Gibson”

A real man is hard to …

…lift because he’s all heavy and the sweat is making it slippery work.
Death is just a natural part of…

…being shot in the face with a shotgun.
WARNING: Objects in mirror may…

…be uglier than first imagined.
Talk is cheap…

…look ugly, if they’re you.
If I had a dollar for every time…

Dammit!

Unless you’re on 1-900-SEX-CHAT.
If I had a dollar for every time…

… someone simuposted on the SDMB, I’d be a billionare.

(Just a thought to go with the OP question
If life gives you lemons and a banana then you’re a boy, if it gives you mellons then you’re a girl.)

There once was an ugly …

Doper. He had an idea for a thread entitled “If life gives you lemons…”
Ich bin eine…

Berlinen! (sp?)

When all else fails…,


do a search on the Straight Dope.

Hear no evil, see no evil…

but do evil often.

Let not your heart be troubled…

. . .take your digitalis.
Jack fell down and . . .

Jack fell down and . . .

He can’t get up!

Fourscore and seven years ago our forefathers…

. . . fondled their foreskins.
And Jill came . . .

(I’m really not trying to make this thread obscene. Honest!)

and filed a lawsuit against those idiots who decided to build the well uphill.

Who’s been sleeping in my…