…whatever you do, don’t stomp out the flaming paper bag it left on teh front porch. Opportunity has a truly puerile sense of humor.
I believe that for every drop of rain that falls…
…an innocent creature on a planet orbiting a distant sun ruled by a cruel despot is brutally tortured over the course of five days, and then killed.
Badger badger badger…
…I made you out of clay.
There is nothing to fear, but…
There is nothing to fear, but…
… looking down and realizing you forgot to get dressed.
she sells…
… sea shells, at the Denver Mall, having finally passed echonomics 101 and realising that selling sea shells at the sea shore where they were plentiful and free was a really poor choice of venue.
There once was an ugly …
… Doper, who had a lame idea for a th… wait. I already did that one.
There once was an ugly mole on my face. I tried everything. blowtorch, head in microwave, standing behind an afterburning jet, but I just could not make my face look beautiful again.
What comes around…
the corner to meet you is always the person you least want to see.
Give me victory or give me …
…defeat; I’m not picky, just as long as I don’t have to put forth much personal effort, you can suit yourself.
The Lord helps those…
who helps themselves…to the collection plate.
Never a borrower…
Of other people’s sex toys be.
If you aren’t with us…
…what is your freakin’ problem? Don’t you realize we are the cutest, smartest, funniest people on Earth?
I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll…
…get off the damn bicycle because this hill is hard work!
A man’s home is his…
over valued, over taxed, second mortgaged, leaky roof, in need of painting and surrounded by crab grass castle.
Don’t go looking for trouble in…
. . . in East St. Louis; it will find you with no trouble at all.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; . . .
…full body armor. We want this to be a fair fight.
Please allow up to six weeks…
… if you’ve got a funny laugh, that is.
Maresy doats and doesy doats and…
(ok, it’s mares eat oats and does eat oats, just ftr)
…and little lambs are tasty, especially with mint jelly.
Do you believe in…?
Cecil - the great, the all-knowing etc.
Two steps forward…
Is a bad idea when you are close to the edge.
To boldly go where noone has …
ever gone before would be a good idea because, honestly, we’re all sick of you.
Don’t throw good money after…