…tend to be no fun at parties.
To pay the…
15 dollars to Cecil, is to fund your own eventual undoing.
99 bottles of beer on the wall…
To pay the rent, I sold the little TV in my bedroom and my stereo. Since I like to go to sleep watching Leno, I selpt on the couch. That gave me a stiff neck. So the next day I went to see the chiropractor. To pay for the chiropractor (3 visits and x-rays) I sold my bed, since I was sleeping on the couch anyway. Of course, that kept giving me a stiff neck – should have sold the couch instead, or moved the TV. So I went back to the chiropractor. To pay the next bill I sold my bicycle and my microwave. Without the microwave, I couldn’t eat, so I called out for Chinese. That hot mustard gave me a bad case of indigestion so I had so go see my GP. To pay the bill, I sold my kitchen table. That was ok, I could always sit on the couch and eat my take-out food. I ordered pizza. But that made the indigestion come back. To pay for that trip to the GP, plus the prescriptions and the upper GI x-ray, I sold my coffee maker, and the kitchen chairs, since the table was already gone anyway. Moving that stuff made my back hurt and my neck got stiff again, so I went back to the chiropractor. More bills. More things sold. More problems. More bills. And so on, until I finally had to sell my car. My bike was already sold, so I had to walk to work. And that’s why I’m late. 
Ooooops – almost forgot.
If you’re going to act like a child…
… you gotta be cute. Not “Ooo, you’re cute! Wanna go out on Saturday?” cute, but “Aww, little Tyler is holdin’ a spoon” cute.
We didn’t start the fire. It was…
Spontaneous combustion, honestly, yer honour.
Beware of Greeks …
…On vacation, carrying cameras.
The face that launched…
a thousand projectile vomits??
Handsome is …
…an odd word, isn’t it? What does ‘having some hands’ have to do with looking good?
Jack fell down, and broke his crown, and Jill…
picked up the pieces, stuck them back together with blutack and sticky tape, crowned herself, and fulfilled a lifelong ambition to be ‘Queen for a day’.
Necessity is the mother …
…Shut your mouth!
The rain in Spain stays mainly…
inside the Spanish borders.
Fool me once…
… and I’ll smash’a your face.
For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us …
wolf it down like pigs.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…
…The starship Enterprise came through yet another rip in the space-time continuum. ‘Where the heck are we now, Spock?’ Yelled captain Kirk.
See a penny, pick it up…
cause we all know what a cheapskate you are.
Pride goeth before…
The elastic waistband in your pants breaks in a crowded street, and you realise that your pants are round your ankles.
A million housewives every day, pick up a tin of beans and say…
you want supper now? (flinging can) here’s yer damn supper!
Never stand before an angry crowd and…
…sing showtunes to try and cheer them up. Angry crowds HATE showtunes.
A fool and his money…
are loved by pan-handlers and con-men.
The devil makes work for…