… and we all know how that’ll go.
Wink wink, nudge nudge, say…
… is that an elephant in your pajamas, or are you just happy to see me.
Two’s company, but three’s a …
…bit too many to live in that closet.
Farewell and adieu to you fair…
politicians - the government has a plan to get rid of you, and sharpish! Fair politicians is a sort of oxymoron nowadays, anyhow.
He went after it like …
… it was a combination vagina/ ultrapowerful electromagnet, and he was a combination desperately horny man/ large ball of iron
The girl who overcame time and the boy who was…
. . . happy that she finally came, over time.
Don’t change horses . . .
…in the middle of a race.
My old Kentucky…
Fried Chicken is now “kitchen fresh chicken,” whatever the hell that means. As if it’ll fool people into thinking it’s good for them all of a sudden. If I was the Colonel I’d be taking my cane to the PR person who came up with that one.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a…
Little Miss Muffet sat on a…
… 18"DHIBJD
Don’t step on my blue …
anthill - got covered in ants, and had to rip all her clothes off PDQ.
Some days you’re the dog…
…jelly dong.
Some days you’re the dog…
…all days in Russia, dog is you.
The secret of joy in work is contained in one word:
Payday !! (but shhhh, don’t tell anybody)
If it weren’t for bad luck…
…I would’ve turned right at the intersection on that fateful day, and never encountered the evil frog.
Beer is proof that God…
…is out to get you all.
Don’t shoot until you see…
…whether or not I’m a politician.
Good things come to those…
… who cheat most.
It’s like the pot calling the kettle …
…on the phone and saying “This guy’s being a hypocrit, kettle.”
With great responsibility comes…
… who cheat most.
It’s like the pot calling the kettle …
gynormous headaches, anxiety, panic attacks, and premature baldness.
Is the glass half full or …
It’s like the pot calling the kettle …
…And cancelling for saturday with a serious handle ache.
Is the glass half full or…
…Am I too drunk to care?