…thoughts of a sexual persuasion.
…wake up with stitches.
…you’re stupider than you think.
When God closes a door…
… those of use who forgot our keys get locked out.
Absence makes the heart …
get tired of waiting, and find someone else.
A penny saved is…
Oh, crap.
How about:
When in doubt…
…have a little drink.
The following link may be offensive to some. Particularly tramps, kittens and squirrels.
a penny that’s going to heaven.
“You don’t always get…”
… a prince with you kiss a toad.
People in glass houses…
Oh crap.
People in glass houses…
…must have outrageous air conditioning bills.
Rome wasn’t built…
…with union labor.
If you love something…
Be sure to use protection.
measure twice…
cut once, realize the thing you were measuring was the wrong size to begin with, go back, re-cut it, but forget to measure the other thing you cut, throw project out window, get a beer.
the earth, in plots 4 x 7. [Lazarus Long]
When a man loves a woman…
the act is approved by the Georgia Legislature.
Crime doesn’t pay…
When a man loves a woman…
…he’s probably stuck in a miserable marriage to another woman he no longer loves.
To be or not to be…
Crime doesn’t pay…
And the benefits suck, too.
Birds of a feather…
find it easier to fly than naked birds.
Speak softly…
… because loud noises will cause neighbors to call the police.
Beauty is only …
To be or not to be…
…I still want out of this god damn box.
Beauty is only…
…delicious with ketchup.
Snap! Crackle!..
… a light-switch away, baby.
If you can’t say something nice…
Dammit!
…compound fracture!
If you can’t say something nice…