…she’d be Tuesday March the Second.
(Forgive me if I’m a little fast and loose with the genders, here; something I’ve never been accused of before.)
If The Great Zamboni married Chief Scott he’d be Great Scott.
If thinksnow married ExTank he’d be ThinkTank.
If Geobabe married Duck Duck Goose, she’d be Geoduck
If iampunha married Just A Girl and WildestBill, he’d be I’mJustABill.
And if Polycarp married andyman, dpr and Doobieous, he’d be Polyandrous.
If I marred dantheman I’d be Eutyman!
If Rasa married me she’d me rasahomie!
“The only man who could ever love me… is the son of a Eutyman…”
BTW, Euty, don’t mar me! I’m marred enough as it is.
If I married Ruffian, I’d be Simian.
D’oh.
<wanders off doing his best monkey howl>
Well, I like the guy and our offspring (neverminding the gender same-ness) would certainly be able to shoot and change tires, but he’s a little short for me.
Now maybe a pairing with Medias Child: Medias Snow…hmmm, sounds too much like bad TV reception. Oh, well.
If I married Jester (well, more like JesTer) I’d be…
ZogSter. Zogster! 
She’s liable to slap the snot out of ya for spelling her name wrong, though! 
Medea’s Child
hehe
Bear with me on this one, I don’t know if it will work …
If Yma Sumac married Muhamed Ali, then got divorced and married Peter Frampton, divorced him and married radio host Tom Lykus, divorced him married senator Ben Espy, divorced him re-married Muhamed Ali, divorced him again and doug up and had a lesbian wedding with Alce B. Toklas she would be …
[sub]Brace yourselves[/sub]
Yma Sumac-Ali-Frampton-Lykus-Espy-Ali-Toklas
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.
.
.
.
.
.
Get it?
If I married SexyWriter I’d be soooo happy.
Well, that might make her Sexier, if such a thing was possible.
It’s been a while since that word. I finally know how to spell it!
Now, if I married my girlfriend, FairyQueen (not reg’d yet, her computer is crap), our kid would be SpinnieQueen. He’d be the dizzy one.
Correction. She’d be the dizzy one.
Unless we dress him in drag.
(Replying to my grievous error)
Which would, of course, explain why I’m single!
Sorry, Medea!
If Krispy Original belonged to me, would he be Rys’Krispy?
In the spirit of Jack Batty…
If Olivia Newton John married Elton John and divorced him, then married Wayne Newton and divorced him, then married Laurence Olivier…
She’d be Olivia Newton John John Newton Olivier!
Coldfire + UncleBeer = ColdBeer! 
ColdBeer
<dingdingding!>
I think we have a winner! Robot Arm, tell 'em what they’ve won!
It’s ok, she’s so cute and innocent that she’d probably just giggle and call you silly…
Well, I could do that, but to preserve the balance of nature I’d have to fire your uncle.