Some of you, or none of you, will recall that I posted here for about, or exactly, a month back in September or October. Well, today I paid my $15.13 (CAD) and voici my first post as a real member! Salutations, all!
Bring on the Sexapus!
Be afraid, be very afraid!!!
No, seriously, I’ve been around here a while and it’s a cool place. Where else can you read about pimples, Little Timmy Cthulhu, Nazi groundhogs, and lurking blimps?
Along with this thread, arguably the best, and about the only zombie thread allowed to stay open.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=23572
Wow, Baker, I’ve been lurking here for 5 years now and I’ve never seen that thread before. Thanks.
You’re making Mariah jealous. I can’t be responsible for any squid-related incidents after this.
:: eases towards exit ::
:: runs ::
Er, welcome, Queen of Town. Would you like some ice cream?
And, yes, that thread brings tears. I printed it out for my dad, who is now 82.
Welcome to the boards! Enjoy your stay, and… just… step to your right for a moment. No, a little more… that’s it…
pulls lever
OK, guys! Bring out the goat!
I didn’t know you could read about that here.
Welcome, Queen of Town! What prompted you to join this month?
Oh, Queen of Town, you poor thing. RUN! RUN, I say, while you still can! In this nightmare world, newbies are subjected to flesh dissolving bacteria, and dismembered! I should know, I am one. 
A newbie, that is. Not a flesh dissolving bacterium.
Welcome! In which town exactly are you queen?
Are you sure? Your username is suspiciously plural.
Hello Queen of Town Be welcome. Enjoy your stay.
I believe it is Free Country, USA?
There’s a very surly and hairy gorilla with your name on it, kiddo. Here’s your dull razor, here’s your ill-fitting helmet, and there’s room 646. Have at 'er!
[ short hijack ]Good Omens fan? [ /sh]
Actually, we reserve the flesh dissolving baceteria for those who really get our goat.
pauses, listening to whispers from the gallery
Lemme rephrase that, since all newbies get the goat. We reserve the FDB for people who ruffle our feathers.
pauses, listening to whispers from the gallery
:: Wait, when did we import a Roc? No one told me about the Roc! Damned memo system. ::
coughs ahem. We reserve the FDB for people who tick us off mightily.
pauses, listening to whispers from the gallery
shouts NO, WE DO NOT USE TICKS IN THE CEREMONY! MARIAH GETS THE BLOOD!
Crap, that was my outloud voice, wasn’t it?
Look, nothing to see here. Really. You’re perfectly safe.
Welcome, QOT–do you like goats?
Whoops, sorry man we still haven’t gotten all the bits off the ceiling in 646 yet. Why not use the Honeymoon Suite?
Congratulations, Jamaika a jamaikaiaké, you caught the intended reference! Although it was sort of like “Dammit, all the good usernames are taken, let me try something random.” And in response to Heffalump and Roo’s query, I got a shiny new credit card and I figured this would be the best use of it. Don’t worry, I’m responsible and I pay my bills on time! Thanks for the warm welcomes, all, although I’m a little worried about some of you…
Morgyn, I read Good Omens and loved it. Thank you for getting the reference! That was a while ago, so don’t try to pin me on details. Still, I cannot get over the concept of a motorcycle-riding demon of “Treading on Dogshite.”
Queen of Town, do you like… red jello?
Dear Og, no! You remember what happened the last time we used it? I don’t think the building inspector ever recovered.