The OP’s sister, who isn’t BFF with anybody involved according to what we have been told, got the ball rolling by gossiping to the OP about what she (claims she) saw. What’s that called when you talk about people to other people? Oh yeah, that’s called gossip. Also, quit denying that there are accusations involved when there patently are. The OP, based on what he thinks he knows, most certainly is accusing the wife and Schongy McCoolcar of adultery. The whole debate here is whether he should pass along said accusation to his friend. You can try to spin it any other way you want, but it remains an accusation.
If she is guilty, she’ll be pissed about having her affair revealed. Maybe in your world, people don’t get pissed off about unfounded allegations, but the people I know certainly do, so I believe it very likely indeed that she’d be extremely angry about such accusations if innocent.
In the local vernacular she’d tell the OP “Keep my name out your mouth.”
Information can be conveyed without making accusations. At least it’s possible among rational, civilized people.
If she’s guilty, then her being pissed is of minimal importance.
Either she is guilty or not. If she’s guilty, it’s more important for the OP’s friend to know than it is to avoid pissing off his wife. If there is an innocent explanation for the guy’s parking habits, then why should anyone be pissed?
Scumpup, I’d be obliged if you responded to these questions:
– If your wife were having a sexual relationship with someone other than you, would you want to know? Why or why not?
– If your wife had acquired a sexually transmitted disease, would you want to know? Why or why not?
– If your wife had conceived a child with another man while married to you, would you want to know that someone other than you is the biological father? Why or why not?
– If a friend of yours had observed things that might constitute evidence to suspect any of these things, would you want him to tell you? Why or why not?
– If a large number of people in your social circle knew as an absolute fact that your wife was being unfaithful to you, would you want any of them to tell you? Why or why not? If you found out much later on your own, how would you feel about being the only person unaware of it for so long?
– If your best friend and your wife had engaged in a sexual relationship, would you want to know? Why or why not?
I am not going to make this about me. This is about the OP and his decision.
Your advice to the OP is all about you. Without this background, you give us no way to weigh the value of your advice. Because, on the face of it, what you say is completely irrational.
You’ve already told us you’d double punch us all in the mouth, so you’ve already made this about you anyway.
And the questions I ask are exactly the kinds of questions the OP is going to have to consider before making his decision. You’ve already made your decision about this situation, so the questions are entirely relevant to your advice.
Basically, the only way your advice makes sense is if you believe that the OP’s friend is better off not knowing, even if his wife is cheating on him.
It’s obviously a very sensitive subject with him. I’d drop it. At the same time, I’d not give his advice much weight.
I don’t know about that.
I mean, it is possible for this whole thing to evaporate without the (out of town) hubby ever finding out about the weekend visits. In this scenario the only ones that will know will be the neighbor (best friend), the neighbor’s sister the wife and the visiting friend. It is possible that the extra-marital relationship (if there is one) can end with all parties back to square one and no-one being harmed emotionally.
I’m sure this happens all the time.
I just would have a hard time keeping by best friend from knowing he’s being scammed by his wife.
Careful, you’re gonna get punched.
Yes, that is possible, and that would be an OK resolution to the situation. It’d just be really sad for the husband, even if he were unaware of the whole thing.
I’m the last person to go around poking my nose in other people’s business, but I think tdn has a point. Why the reference to violence if this accusation is only founded on mere suspicion? It just seems such a sore point.
I’d be livid if my friends knew I were being cheated on, but didn’t tell me. Hell, I think I’d be pissed if I found out they were unsure of telling me. What the fuck kind of lunatic (or fetishist, I suppose) wouldn’t want to know that?
That said, OP, that’s just me, and your situation is not a sure thing. But if you believe something’s going on, and you believe your friend will take in in good faith, tell him.
All I’d want is for my friend to develop an awareness of what’s potentially going on. As for what he does with that info, that’s his business. If she is in fact cheating on him, it would be none of my business whether they reconcile or split up. I would never wish shame and humiliation upon her. That’s malicious. I have no reason not to wish her happiness in her life.
My wife is a good, honorable, and loving woman. She is, in point of fact, a wonderful person who shows me_every day_tremendous love and loyalty. She is everything that one could ask for in a wife and closest friend. For someone to impugn that wonderful woman’s character and morals with such a base accusation is far more than I would be willing to tolerate. Since the proper response, horsewhipping the impertinent bastard, is out of the question in today’s world (the horse being replaced by the automobile has resulted in a dearth of horsewhips), I would have to content myself with just demolishing the mouth that spoke such filth.
Perhaps it is a result of the time and place where I was born. Perhaps it was role models like my father and uncles. Regardless of why I am this way, I believe (and I act upon) the only proper response to some things being an ass-kicking. Whether the people following this thread agree is of no importance.
But as I described, those acts are indeed fundamentally the same in the sense that loved ones are potentially being harmed. As such, I think it is reasonable to presume that surreptitious infidelity could be potentially harmful to the unaware third party.
I know I’m not a hero and I don’t think I am. I just threw that in there to assert modesty in order to pre-empt any suggestion that I was being dramatic or grand-standing when I stated that I would die for my best friend.
blank
Who’s? Mine?
Is this only in response to someone raising their suspicions to you? What if your best friend told you that they saw your wife making out with someone? Given the characterization of your wife there’s no doubt that this would never happen. But were it to, you’d rather be left in the dark?
How nice to cite 17th century behavior as a role model. I’m sure that you make a great husband, resorting to physical violence to placate your frustrations. What else justifies beating other people?
Are you aware that there are laws concerning assault, and does running the risk of jail time, with subsequent influences on your employment honor your wife?
If the OP’s sister has only told the OP, and he hasn’t told anyone yet then no one is spreading rumors.
If he tells the husband only the facts, that his sister says she sees the mutual friend leave in the mornings when the husband is out of town, then no one is accusing the wife and friend of anything.
Sorry, I suppose I should have been clear. I posted a response to Scumpup, but thought better of it and left a “blank” post. Suffice to say, I think you can safely ignore anything he says in this thread and not be afraid of missing good advice.
Are you aware that I already said I don’t care whether you agree or did you just have to get this out there anyway?
I have no doubt of it. She sounds like a wonderful woman. There’s no need to kick the shit out of anyone who doesn’t see in her what you see. Rise above it, man.