Isn’t the rehearsal dinner reserved for the wedding party?
It’s that at a minimum, but it can include out-of-town guests and extended family. When we did our “rehearsal dinner” (we didn’t have an actual rehearsal, and we didn’t have a wedding party), we invited immediate family, some extended family, and out-of-town guests. We figured, if they made the trip that far to see us, they at least should get a free dinner out of it. Seemed only fair to us.
We didn’t really deal with my family pays for this, her family pays for that. We’re in our early to mid-30s, so we covered the costs of the wedding ourselves, and whatever gifts our families gave us, they gave us. My personal feeling is that if you’re already pretty secure in your career and in your early 30s, you don’t need to be dealing with your folks paying for stuff. Then again, our wedding was something like 85 people, not 250-300, so that’s easy to say. If my parents wanted to invite 100 of their friends then, yeah, sure, maybe I’d be more inclined to have them pay for it.
That’s another thing I ran into; some snotty clerk telling me that I couldn’t get a bridesmaid dress in white for a wedding dress, even though I wanted something simple. Most of them weren’t so bad, but the odd one thinks they’re Queen of the World because they’re working in a bridal shoppe.
Wow, that is soooo not my experience. I remember both my weddings, and very fondly. I had a great time and would be heartbroken if I couldn’t remember it!
Actually having the dress made isn’t that far out as options go. I designed my dress for my first wedding and had it made by a local tailor. Including fabric, it cost about $250. It’s worth looking into.
See, that’s the thing - it’s his second wedding but my first, and I’m an only child, and it’s very important for my parents to invite all these people. If it were just us I assure you it would be a much smaller wedding, but my parents would be hurt.
Hooo, hoo boy. I was just going to try on a few dresses with my mom to see what silhouettes were working for me and all, but my matrons of honor (friends of my mom and me) got into it and we ended up planning a big trip and going to three places. We actually made it to two. I’m absolutely exhausted.
The fancy schmancy store crammed the hell out of you into their dresses (one dress per style in a “sample size” and god help you you were getting into it whether you wanted to or not.) And if it took clips and rubber bands and you couldn’t actually get up the step to the “stage” with the mirror without jumping a little bit. They were nice, mind you, and I found a GORGEOUS dress which I loved for, gasp, $1800.
Then we went to another place which was a lot homier and I found two other dresses I like quite a bit, and one of them is ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY DOLLARS. AMERICAN DOLLARS.
It would need a ton of alterations, and I’m not sure it’s The One, but I’m seriously considering buying it just because it’s so cheap (and it’s the only one and discontinued) and hell, if I find another one I like better it wasn’t expensive.
Thing is, most of the ones I’ve liked have been… floofy. I never thought I’d buy floofy. (I stuck to my guns about not buying strapless, mind you.) I figured I’d end up with a sleek modern dress and wear a cute little fascinator with a birdcage veil, but I kept liking dresses that happened to have fuller skirts, and when they pulled out veils for them the ones that looked best were, you know, wedding cake topper veils. Which is so not what I thought my thing was, you know? The first one that happened with I was struggling to explain the issue, and I said “It just looks so… so…” and the assistant said “Um, bridal?” Yeah. That.
I like to watch the wedding dress shows, and that always happens on the show - they put the veil on, and all of a sudden shit gets real. 
One of the employees at the shop said “Oh, they say when you find The Dress you’ll know it because you’ll probably cry!” My mom and our friends laughed until they almost cried. Yeah, that’s not ever going to happen, dear.
Be careful about this. Get an estimate for the alterations up front, because they can be VERY expensive and quickly there goes all the savings. My dress had to be hemmed (of course) and I had cap sleeves sewed onto it (I agree with you–I didn’t want strapless. Be aware that most bridal shops can add cap sleeves to most styles of strapless dress, so don’t avoid trying strapless dresses on if you see ones you like) and it cost about $300 for those alterations.
By the way, when you go for your fitting for the alterations, bring bottled water and be prepared to be very uncomfortable for quite a long time. I actually ended up getting overheated to the point where I was literally soaked in sweat and I ended up throwing up in a garbage can (that I had someone run and get quickly!) and had to have the dress taken off quickly because I was fainting and falling over. Fortunately they were pretty much done. But at least at David’s Bridal they put you in a small room with hot lights and at least at the one I went to, no airflow. They said I wasn’t the first person to faint while having the alterations pinned up. Just an FYI that it’s apparently pretty common. I think having water on hand would have helped.
I highly recommend hiring a wedding planner/organizer. They know all the companies and all the people and can get better deals than you can. They aren’t really that expensive (well, some might be, it probably varies, but they don’t HAVE to be) and between the money and the hassle they’ll save you, they’re more than worth what you pay them.
Also, I don’t know what your budget is, but if you can swing it (for us I think it was $550) consider getting a photo booth at your reception. The guests had a ton of fun with it and we got a lot of really cool photos of our family and friends (they give you a CD with all of the images on it at the end of the night). We paid a small extra fee and had the booth print double sets of each picture, and set up a scrapbook table next to the booth, so guests could keep one copy of their pictures, and paste the other into the scrapbook and write something. The scrapbook is a great keepsake. We also gave as favors stand-up frames/holders that fit a photo strip. (Like this.)
One more option to consider about the dress is having it made to fit in China. I almost went that route. You have to be careful and do your research, obviously, and make sure you’re ordering from a reputable site, but I found a ton of fantastic, beautiful dresses in the $75-200 range on some of the Chinese wedding dress sites. They make them to your measurements so you probably wouldn’t need much if any alterations done after it arrives, either.
Have fun planning the wedding–don’t let it stress you out. Don’t let people tell you that your wedding isn’t a big deal. Is it the most important thing about your marriage? Of course not. But it’s likely the biggest party you’ll ever host, and it should be fun for you and planned the way you want it.
Congratulations/Best wishes/whatever’s PC to say!
Well, I seriously doubt I could possibly alter a dress enough to have it eat up 1,600 bucks worth of savings.
I’d like to do a photo guestbook if it isn’t too expensive - it’s going to be Halloween, so I thought we could have a corner set up as a photo spot and have a photographer with silly hats and feather boas and such, and the guests can have their pictures taken however they like. Then at their tables I’ll have guestbook pages and pens - each person or family or whatever takes a page, writes who they are and some best wishes or whatever on it, and then we add the photos to the pages and bind it all together.
I’m just torn about the way I keep ending up with these very… traditional dresses. Am I going to be happy with that?
Congratulations!!!
LOL oh obviously not THAT much, but I had the impression that the $1,600 dress was pretty far above your budget. I’m just saying if you’ve got a $500 budget or something like that, alterations could eat quite a large chunk of that. Just something to be aware of. You may want to call around to local tailors and see if you can find a cheaper price for alterations instead of using the bridal shop, too, as I think they charge rather a premium (but I could be wrong.) And like I said, having a dress custom made is not nearly as expensive as you’d think, and it is made to fit you without alterations. You buy the fabric yourself (coupons and sales are your friend!) and you can get quite a reasonably priced dress. My $250 dress was 20 years ago, granted, so I’m sure it’s more now, but you’ll get a unique dress and probably still cheaper than a lot of what you’re looking at at bridal shops. Just something to consider.
So maybe you’re a closet romantic, like a friend diagnosed me once… (no bows for my butt, but I like poofy skirts)
Yup - if it works on you and you like it, well, stranger things have happened than ending up with a traditional wedding dress.
I had a very small wedding, only 30 people. We did a package deal in Vegas which turned out surprisingly well, but my greatest wedding disappointment (okay, besides the ugly cake) was the fact I didn’t get great candid shots of important people at the reception.
The official wedding photographer (through the venue) did a lovely job of all the shots you would expect. I had given my DSLR to a friend that insisted that HE would do a great job getting shots at the reception. He got lots of great photos - but not one picture of my new mother-in-law? Also, no picture of my favorite aunt.
The event does go by pretty fast, at one point, I would recommend taking 15 minutes and a good camera and making sure you get pictures of anyone that you would miss having in your wedding album. Of course, you sound like you are having a bigger wedding than I did and maybe your photog won’t bail after the cake cutting and will do a better job than Random Friend™.
You won’t know until you try it on which one is the right dress for you. I am pretty non-traditional in a lot of things, and for my first wedding, back in 1991, I designed my own dress, which wasn’t that traditional. For my wedding in 2009, however, I ended up with a pretty traditional, and what’s more, pouffy dress than I would ever have expected to like. But when I tried it on I just knew. It transformed me in a way that everyone else noticed. Then I saw the pricetag and it was $300 over my budget. My bridesmaids were all with me at the time, as we were doing this as a group trip, and they all on the spot demanded to chip in for the difference because they said I needed to have that dress. It was THE dress, for me.
If you’d have told me before that I’d have gotten a pouffy dress with beading all over the bodice and skirt and a bustle in the back and all of that I’d have said you were crazy. But it was the one, and I loved it. Still love it.
Keep trying on dresses. I’m pretty sure that you’ll know when you find the right one. You may not cry, but you’ll feel something quite different. It’s a pretty powerful experience. Hopefully when you find “the” dress it will be in your price range. (Again, consider the tailor route–you can find a dress type that you want and have it made for you and it might work out to be cheaper. It was certainly very affordable 20 years ago when I went that route. Of course things may have changed and it might vary by location and it will certainly vary by tailor.)
Sorry for the two-in-a-row, but I had to comment on this. At my first wedding we were missing several very important photos as well (including a picture of the cake! AT ALL!). Also, the videographers “interviewed” many of the wedding party and guests for the video, but they missed my maid of honor and several other very important people, while interviewing casual friends and so on. My advice is to make a list of photos you MUST have, and make sure the photographer uses that list and checks them off as he/she goes. Same with the videographer. They don’t know who is important and who isn’t without you telling them, so you need to make that list.
And Glory, I hear ya about the ugly cake. At my wedding in 2009 I was so disappointed with the cake. I’d gone through a lot of trouble designing how it should look and it looked like it was decorated by a spastic child. It was awful.
I hate to go the custom route just because seriously, I have no idea what I actually want. I have three dresses now on the “next bracket” list after trying them on, and they’re all TOTALLY different. They have literally nothing in common between the three.