I'm in love with my gay male friend

He probably does like you. But if he’s gay there’s really no chance he’s interested in the two of you becoming a couple.

That would be a spectacularly bad idea. How would you feel if some guy you weren’t interested in tried doing it to you? It’s pretty close to sexual assault.

You need therapy and/or medication.

Listen, as a woman who was (in late high school/early college) deeply in love with (unbeknownst to me) a deeply closeted and in-denial gay man, this is not a road you want to tread. You need to destroy any remnant of romantic feelings for him and salt that bit of earth in your heart - you are quite literally wasting time and emotions on a man who can never, ever love you the way you want. You will pursue this baby idea as a way of tying him to you via a child, as there is no legal means for him to extricate himself from paternity responsibility.

If you’re lucky, at some point soon, he’ll find a guy to date or love and happily share the news with you. Then you’re either going to get your heart broken so hopefully you can get the fuck over him finally, or you’re going to turn into a jealous monster who ends up driving away your best friend.

Me, I was lucky enough to have my ex pull the “ignore her and she’ll break up with you so you look like a bad guy and it was her idea” move. (He apologized for it later, when he finally came out.) So I only wasted a comparatively short time with him, and moved on.

Or this. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.

At 23 you shouldn’t even be contemplating having a child with your gay friend. The first thing you need to do, IMHO, is to stop fantasising about your friend in a romantic/sexual way. I get the feeling the baby thing is really just because you like him in that way, and it seems like a really bad idea for so many reasons.

I’ve been in his position. Leave him alone because what you have in mind is completely rude and more than a little misguided. If you can’t be friends without trying to get him to fuck you, then quit being around him.

Don’t do either of these. He’s gay and will never be into you. GET OVER IT.

I don’t want kids anyway, my partner and I agreed on that years ago. But even if I did want one, all of these would completely horrify me. I wouldn’t want to have a child with someone that would even think about any of these. I couldn’t continue even being friends with a woman that would try to get me to have sex with them, or even try and ‘manually stimulate’ me.

You can’t get mad at dog because it isn’t a cat. That is, you it is impossible to turn him straight through emotion, sex, reasoning or anything like that. It doesn’t work that way. If you think it does, why aren’t you banging down the door to sleep with hottest women you know? That may be a bad example because it is more black and white for guys.

That said, he probably would bang you as a one time deal if you don’t expect anything further. I have had tons of gay friends and almost all of them have slept with women at some point. They tend to be quite promiscuous in general. I would definitely enforce condom use if comes to that because male on male sex transmits lots of diseases readily and that can transmit to you easily. That isn’t a moral judgement, it is am epidemiological fact.

Your line of thinking is ill-advised however unless you are just looking for one time thrill. You can’t turn a gay man into a heterosexual lover through any strategy.

I don’t know if this is too harsh; it’s pretty much exactly what I was thinking.

That’s nearly always before they’ve come to terms with being gay. I’ve never known another gay guy that has fucked a woman after coming out. It may happen, but is far from common.

Aside from the whole wanting to have sex with your gay friend issue, it also seems a bit ill-advised to lose your virginity and attempt to get pregnant at the same time.

“Rude” is the word I was looking for. I considered “patronizing” but “rude” is better.

It’s one thing to have a crush on someone who doesn’t share your sexual orientation – quite another to even consider acting on it.

Serious suggestion: watch every episode of Will & Grace you can get your hands on. Yeah, it was a sitcom, but these two were best friends, lived together, and there were several poignant episodes when each of them realizes that s/he will never have a romantic/sexual relationship with the other. There were episodes where they talked about Grace having Will’s turkey baster baby. She didn’t. It’s showing almost continuously these days on one of the cable stations.

You are absolutely barking up the wrong tree. Give it up. You can be dear friends and love each other forever, but not sexually or romantically.

If it is your sincere desire to be impregnated by a gay man, then you need professional help.

That probably came out sounding a little more homophobic than you intended.

From what I understand, the OP isn’t interested in getting impregnated by a gay man. She’s interested in having sex with, getting impregnated by, and living happily ever after with a man she knows and is attracted to (which is reasonable) but who happens to be gay (which pretty much rules out the possibility of getting what she wants).

You don’t always get what you want. You can be attracted to a person who is unattainable. It sucks but you have to accept the reality.

I knew one guy who couldn’t have been further out without going into orbit - he did try it one time with a woman while he was on holiday but was understood to say later that it didn’t do all that much for him, leading a mutual lady friend to comment “Yeah, women are all right but they’re no substitute for the real thing” :slight_smile:

And of course it used to be quite the thing for gentlemen of a certain social class to do the nasty with their wives as many times as it took to produce an heir and a spare, but look for their actual jollies elsewhere.

I’m still filing the OP’s obsession under “spectacularly bad idea” though, with a side order of “incredibly insulting” to the part about getting naked and seeing if she can get his dick to make up his mind for him. I think I’d get spectacularly tarred and feathered if I suggested converting a lesbian that way, and I’d deserve it too.

Why do gay guys get all the chics?

*Happens *to be gay? I don’t know about that. She might not like him if he was available to her. She’s still a virgin, so apparently she’s not too into relationships with men who might want her back.

Yeah, sorry, that’s not gonna happen. This is a common type of friend thing for people when they’re young - “If we’re both single at 40, let’s get married!” or “If neither of us has kids in our late 30s, let’s have one together”. Never met anyone who ever followed through.

Wouldn’t it be much better to just meet a straight guy, have a real relationship, and have kids with him? Then you wouldn’t have to live your life as a celibate, knowing that the father of your child has zero interest in making another or really having any sexual contact with you at all. Honestly, I can’t imagine a more miserable experience. Relationships are especially cool when your partner, y’know, loves you back in the way that you love them.

Because they are so easy to be around, very caring, good listeners, tolerant of others’ differences and quirks, don’t usually have a lot to prove. They’re supportive, loving, funny, kind.

When my late H and I got married, there were only 40 people at our wedding, and six of them were gay men (sadly, four of them have sinced died from AIDS-- this was back in the early 90’s). We had our reception at the home of one couple, my best friend and his partner. My uncle is gay and has been with his partner for 40 years. When I lived at home with my parents our next door neighbors were a gay couple, also together for decades. Of all the gay men I’ve known, I can’t think of one who was a jerk.

Every woman needs a gay male friend.