I'm single (long)

To all intents and purposes at any rate. The man and I had a huge argument the other night. Over that old chestnut sex, and the fact that I feel that our relationship is about nothing but sex.

Due to us living about 300 miles from each other, we don’t get to see each other as often as we like, and when we do see each other, it seems to be that we just end up in bed and do not a lot else. We don’t talk much, we don’t have intelligent discussions, and it appears he resents the fact that I need to expound a lot of energy into my work.

So we tried talking. The conversation turned rather rapidly to sex, and how pissed off he was that he wasn’t going to get any when he came to see me, since Ramadhan would have started. This, obviously, upset me, and led me to the conclusion that sex was all he was in this relationship for. We discussed this, he assured me he loved me, and that it wasn’t just the physical stuff he was in this relationship for.

Feeling slightly better, I let things lie for a bit. Then came kicker number two. He’s a mathematician, I’m an astrophysicist. He attempted to make intelligent conversation, since apparantly the theoretical astrophysicists have decided that the universe is a Poincare 3-sphere. Now, that meant very little to me, and I asked him to explain what one was, what with him doing topology and things like that. Apparantly, its too hard for me to understand. Great, so I don’t have a modicum of intelligence then. :rolleyes:

So, then came the fact that I was working this weekend. Working because I’m at such a stage that if I can kick my theory into shape, and get it into my paper, I’ll have kick-started my career into the upper atmosphere. Apparantly though, I’m naughty (said as one would to a disobedient child), to work at the weekend.

Well, as you can imagine, I dislike being treated like this, and I’m sick of spending each evening after I’ve had a conversation with him, crying because I get the distinct impression that a) I’m, thick, and b) he’s just in it for the physical side of things.

So, this weekend was the final straw. He came down to see me on Saturday, his excuse, “you’re working too hard, I’m going to distract you.” I was dreading him coming over, and really didn’t want to see him. We had a bit of a discussion, and I decided that I couldn’t cope with this anymore. I am, therefore, single. And you know what, I haven’t felt this relieved for a long time.

Just thought I’d share. It feels better to get things off my chest. You can let this thread sink like a stone now. :slight_smile:

At best, you’re simply ‘not right for each other’.

At worst, you were being used for sex.

Ya did the right thing.

If he won’t (barring disability, every man CAN) make intelligent conversation with you, you don’t need him.

Date Dopers!!

PS: Is there even such a thing as a ‘thick’ astrophysicist? q;}


I wish I had words of wisdom, but I only have hugs.

it may be cliched but it sounds like your better of wihtout him

No nookie during Ramadan? Not even at night?

Sounds like a right charmer.

No, not even at night. Its a month of chastity!

Thanks guys. I know I’m doing the right thing, I’ve just got to convince him that if he doesn’t change, this is permanent. He’s angling for a reconciliation, but I don’t think I can give him that.

He was. When I met him. Now maybe I’ve changed, or he’s changed, or he can’t handle the long distance factor or something, but he’s not the same man I started seeing over two years ago. :frowning:


Long distance always sucks, but it sucks worse if your communicating doesn’t mesh during the rare times you are together (been there, done that).

(Does this mean your flirting is going to become even more unstoppable?)

Thank you. Yeah, it does suck, but I figure being single is better than being depressed.

Moi? Flirt? Whatever gave you that idea? :wink:

hmm i wonder…

Well, there’s the old saw, “Being alone is better than wishing that you were.” Good luck to you.

You mean I’ve been bantering good-naturedly with a muslim on this board! Shock, Horror! :eek:

[Actually, more like :slight_smile: :wink: :D]

P.S. - Sounds like you should definitely dump him! And if you are really a religious/traditionalist muslim, Ramadan is probably a good time to take a step back and contemplate where you’re going, personally speaking. Actually, it’s probably a good idea even if you aren’t… And good luck with your career jump-start!

Dan Abarbanel

The horror! How will I survive! :wink:

I’m not traditionalist in the slightest - I’m Ismaili, which probably sums up just how non-tradtitionalist I am. But I do have respect for my religion, and what certain obligations imply. He doesn’t, he’s an atheist (yes I know!), and can’t imagine why I even follow the religion I do. :rolleyes:

ismaili?? apologies for my ignorance but???

Sorry. Ismailis are a sect of Muslims who are renowned for being very liberal and modern. More info here


It hurts now, I know – but it sounds like you’re experiencing a healthy degree of relief along withe the sadness. You did the right thing.

Why should atheism preclude respect for ones religion!? (or, for that matter, someone else’s). I know it doesn’t for me! If he can’t “get it”, he won’t be able to get other cases where you may disagree on ways of life. One more reason to forget about reconciliation.

Dan Abarbanel

thanks for the site on ismaili

interesting, very interesting