Three words: Cheddar Jalapeno Cheeotos.
Exactly what I was thinking of.
Strangely, I just heard an item on NPR yesterday about pawpaws. They did not play the song; bit of a missed opportunity.
Um… not gonna…
He’s wearing gloves. And shoes. I’ve got the bag in front of me.
Silly human, that’s what rabbits are for. 
Damn it all. I was just shopping and put the bag of Cheetos back. Not because of any dietary reasons but because it was $6.99. The bag was labeled “Party Size”. What a joke. I would call it “15 minute size”. 1 1/9 ounces of corn meal has sure gotten pricey.
When I do chow down I moisten a paper towel and wring it mostly dry. I only pick up the morsels with my left hand and the moist towel keeps them fairly clean. That leaves my right hand for typing and the mouse.
No kidding! Funny thing is Kroger has a special where if you buy 4 bags, the price drops to like $2 bucks or something from the normal sky-high price.
This is why I had a bag handy for inspection.
My question is why would a Cheetah ride a skateboard??
Chester wears shoes. But those ain’t gloves, as a quick Google for images confirms. You must have had one of the bags made during Covid. I’ve got a bag in front of me too. What kind of message does donning gloves to eat Cheetos send? That the cheedle is toxic? Radioactive? Unsanitary?
Probably because the “pawpaws” in the song are papayas.
The strange history of Chester.
Pawpaw song from Captain Kangaroo
My Paw paw didn’t eat Cheetos. He drank wine.
I don’t think he cared if his fingers were orange.
Say you wanted to set the world record for eating many bean burritos as quickly as possible.
Would you put on clean tighty white underwear before making your attempt?
Because that is how I feel about Chester Cheetah wearing white gloves. A temporary state.
Quick summary of Cheetah history:
-
Chee-tos was mainly advertised in the 1980s by the Chee-tos Mouse. This character emulated Julius Cheeser, the movie Cheasy Rider, and an astronaut disappointed by the lack of lunar cheese. However, he was also depicted as a pompous politician wearing a three piece suit and snooty window washer; all using the motto “cheese that goes crunch”.
-
Chester Cheetah was more complex, playing chess, and advising a laundromat wife to get revenge on a cheating mistress by dumping neon Cheetos in her load of whites, and telling viewers to join the (now defunct) website OrangeUnderground. Although “dangerously cheesy”, his villainous midwestern accent and incitement to petty acts remains a mystery.
-
A 90s move to star in Yo, It’s the Chester Cheetah Show was denounced by ACT and the Centre for Science in the Public Interest as being a “program length commercial”. Frito-Lay abandoned the idea in 1992. One presumes skateboards was involved somehow.
-
However, Cheetah starred in video games, including Too Cool to Fool, Wild, Wild Quest and Plants vs. Zombies.
-
In addition to a line of snack foods, social media accounts, merchandise and music award appearances, Cheetah supposedly embraced the bizarre “furry community” when other commercial icons like Tony the Tiger turned away.
His goatee should be full of cheetos dust.
Yes, I bought cheetos and ate them.
Given his extensive criminal history, perhaps he is on a suspended sentence with a court stipulation that he must wear white gloves to make cheeto theft more difficult for him to hide.
When you steal the bags, your hands (paws) stay clean.
The link above generally shows Cheetah with white hands. On my packet, the front of his hands are white but the volar surface is orange, with a visible transition zone; impossible to pull off with gloves. In other pictures, his arms are white. Someone made a statue of Chester out of Cheetos, and in this statue Mr. Cheetah has orange hands. In some pictures, both the palmar and volar surfaces are white but the skin seems contiguous and do not generally look like gloves, but occasionally do.
All that to ask: what was the most intellectual thing ever said that followed the word “duuuuude!”. Because I can’t believe I bothered to write all that out. 
I’m gay and re-tell Henny Youngman jokes!