Is there a double standard regarding sex toys? (TMI)

My girlfriend has a frustrating double standard. The other day, I told her I had an idea for our two year anniversary (its a ways off, but she makes a huge deal about me remembering it/presses me to get her a gift). I thought it would be fun if we picked out and got each other sex toys. Strange gift, I know, but I honestly thought it was something she would be on board with.

She wasn’t. I was surprised. The reason? She didn’t want to get me a sex toy. She thought the idea was gross; she thinks guys having sex toys is kind of pervy :dubious: Nevermind the fact that she has to keep buying new vibrators because she keeps burning out the motor from using them so much, and even bought one and wants to keep it at my house in case she’s over and wants to use it.

So its okay for her to use sex toys whenever she wants, but I can’t, because “that’s what she’s for, and if I wanted to do that, why not just come to her dorm and have sex with her?” :smack: I really don’t get this double standard. Its not like I’m obsessed with using sex toys, but this double standard definitely makes me MORE curious about the whole thing.

I’ve always felt that I wouldn’t demand anything of her that I wouldn’t be comfortable with myself sex wise (If I didn’t want to give oral, I certainly wouldn’t expect to receive it, for example). So in turn I kind of feel like if I’m okay letting her bring sex toys into the bedroom, it should go both ways…right? :confused:


I have given my gf a coupla sex toys. She never had one before, and really likes the ones I gave her. We use them from time to time. She has never gotten me one, but I assume it is because she wouldn’t be caught dead in that kind of store.

Yeah, your girlfriend sounds like the stereotypical female bitch. I know some girls like this. Using your example, many of the chicks I know basically demand their boyfriends give them oral, but simply think it is absolutely DISGUSTING to put a penis anywhere near their mouths (“OMG! PEE COMES OUT OF THERE, DIOSA!”).

Don’t get me wrong, if my boyfriend asked for a 9 inch, vibrating dildo and a giant jar of butt lube, I’d be a little weirded out (you know, just because that’d be waaaaaaaaay out of left field), but if you just wanted a pocket pussy thing or something of that nature, who cares?

And she keeps burning out her vibrators? Jesus. I have a box full in my room, some of which I’ve had for . … jeez, probably 4 years now? I mean, I’ve obviously gotten some new ones, but my old ones are fine (and I use them all the damned time!). What the hell is she doing to those things that they are dying at a rapid pace?

Whatever you do, don’t tell her you flog the dolphin every day-- she’ll probably be offended you aren’t choosing to bang her instead.

I think the problem is, men are ‘supposed’ to only be completely and utterly satisfied sexually when with a woman (or man) and that if they can’t get off on that, there’s something wrong with them. I’ve got friends who didn’t even KNOW there were sex toys out there for men. Maybe you should have started out big and worked your way down? Asked for a RealDoll and ‘settled’ for a synthetic, suction powered vagina :wink:

I’ve always wondered why “vibrator=sexually liberated” while “pocket-pussy=skeezy pervert”

I agree. In fact, I was going to have this thread about that dynamic, but then I thought about my personal situation, got pissed off, and decided to vent :mad:

I’ll talk to her today about it, and see if maybe I can get her to be a little more flexible about it. I think for me, its not so much I want to have a sex toy myself (I can always buy one myself :stuck_out_tongue: ) I want her to be as fine with it as I am with her sex toys. Unfortunately that may never happen…

There’s definitely a double standard. I will admit that I am slightly creeped out by many of the offerings for men. But let me explain why before you get mad. I think sex toys are great for men and women–I’m just not a fan of what seem to be the only offerings for men. (Not that it matters, since I’m a woman) I don’t like overly realistic sex toys–I hate supposedly real-feel materials, overly detailed dildos, etc. And most of the toys for men are detailed fake vaginas, so they creep me out just as much as too-detailed fake penises do. I like plain and simple toys. There’s a sort of funky coaster-like thing sold by Blowfish that a guy can wrap around his dick, and cock rings, and guys can use vibrators if so inclined.

I like shopping for sex toys, and if I had a male lover, I’d buy him a sex toy of his choice, even if it were one of those that I disdain personally. Because you know what? I want my lover to be happy, and if that would make him happy, I’m all for it.

So, OP, I think your girlfriend is being a bit unreasonable, but I’m also not going to scream, “OMG, break up with her!” as I am sure other people will later on in the thread.

Yeah, it’s similar to how sex shops for women are bright with all the models out there, they’re clean, well lit and you can talk to the people who work there without being mentally undressed (in an obvious fashion, at any rate).

Whereas sex shops with a male clientele, you’re lucky if you get out of there without slipping and falling in the water they use to hose down the viewing booths with. And eye contact is a definite no-no. Sort of like in prison. (Anyone remember the scene where Enid goes into a sex shop in “Ghost World” with Seymour? When one of my friends and I went to one of the last of the creepy sex shops near Penn Station, it was basically like that.)

But I think your girlfriend should be on board with you having sex toys if you’re on board with her having them. Share the love, you know?

She expects you to just go over to where she lives when you want sex? Take her up on it. Show up at random times and demand sex. If she complies, you have sex on tap. If she doesn’t comply, tell her that it’s ok and you’ll just have to go get a sex toy.

To me, part of it is the mess factor. Those Fleshlight things must get really skanky whereas a vibe is easy to wipe down. I

Well. He is an incubus.

Though that would be cute. A night demon who, when getting turned down, says, “Oh…ah…okay,” and turns to his pocket pussy. Sort of like how Butters would be if he was an incubus.

If she’s burning out her vibrators, maybe you DO need to take her up on her offer of hot and cold running sex. :smiley:

I didn’t know there was this double standard about sex toys. It doesn’t make much sense to me. Who the hell is anyone hurting by masturbating like a motherfuck? (I mean, other than the possible chafing.)

Heck, bring friends!!

This is what I was going to post. As soon as I got to the part of the post where she said “Come over whenever you want sex” I wondered why this thread exists at all. You should be over there nailing her. What sort of toy would be better than having actual sex (assuming she’s good in bed)?

There’s a lot of toys that are meant to be pleasurable for BOTH partners - at the SAME time, yaknow.

It’s not all just dildoes and pocket pussies.

Have you guys ever gone to a nice sex shop together?

I do agree that she’s being a little weird with her “double standard” but maybe you phrased your idea wrong? Instead of toys that you’d use on yourself, alone and toys she’d use on herself, alone, perhaps you need to go shopping for toys that she would use on you and you’d use on her.

This is a good question. Would she be willing to make a trip to, say, Good Vibrations, with you? (on second thought, there might be someplace closer)

Well, she called me this morning, and I brought the issue up.

After discussing it for a while, it turns out she is uncomfortable with the idea of one of those ‘realistic vagina’ type sex toys. I further explained it wasn’t something I was going to in place of her. She had gotten it in her head that if I were to get some kind of toy and masturbate with it, I’d lose interest in having sex with her :rolleyes: .

Funny thing was, when she was okay about it, she asked if we even had to wait till our anniversary to buy each other something. I said no, we don’t have to wait that long, so now we’re probably going to give them to each other as a very early chrismas present or something. Funny how she changed her mind.

The double-standard doesn’t bother me. Its rationale is the same as army infantry recruting: there are physical differences.

There is a huge percentage of women who don’t know how to masturbate to climax, or simply can’t do it without help - either from another person or from a toy.

Whereas 99% of men can masturbate pretty easily without any assistance.

This physical difference seems like reason enough to have different social standards WRT masturbation aids. I mean - the view is that if you’re a guy, why should you need a pocket pussy when you could just wank off?

Well, it’s a legitimate concern. Especially for younger, overweight women (you’ve described her as “full figured”, IIRC?) Heck, I’m sure it’s a concern for a lot of women of many shapes and sizes. She just needed some reassurance that it wouldn’t happen that way.

So, looks like it has worked out for you guys. I’m happy for you :slight_smile: