I don’t know, man. I hear the suburbs have no charms to soothe the restless dreams of youth.
Hey Red … glad to hear your outing finally came to fruition, and also that it wasn’t a total disappointment. That being said, you’ve admitted this isn’t something you do often, so I’m not sure what your barometer for disappointment is. If I’d have gone through the same story you described, I’d have been quite disappointed … not because the girl didn’t exceed my expectations, but because I didn’t throttle the situation better. It’s just a matter of practice to make the experience a conscious thing with a pace you control. Despite whatever feminist or sexist dogmas you will no doubt be bombarded with on here, the truth is that women chemically want some level of command authority in a guy. And no, this doesn’t mean being an abrasive, condescending, misogynistic asshole, but rather having a solid control of any given situation, and knowing where it will go and what it will lead to when it gets there.
Others here have spoken about the “seduction” community. As is usually the case of assignting a black or white label to topics on the SDMB, those who rail on it are the ones who typically have only a brief exposure to (or understanding of) it, and usually only from a single source. I’ve listened to and read about what many figureheads in the community have said over the years, and I can assure you that you’d be foolish to discredit them on the basis that some disenfranchised woman told you that they’re all condescending assholes. Some women instantly assume this topic perpetuates sexism and encourages men to use prefabricated techniques that don’t work on women, and the majority of men who don’t have a grasp on that fact are the ones who think some fancy dialog or opener is going to instantly build them a rapport with a woman. It’s true, bottled openers and canned dialog don’t work with women. That’s why their opinion on “seduction” couldn’t be further from the truth. Real seduction is about learning to control situations and perspectives of others by learning how to control yourself in a social situation. There are people out there who write on the exact subject you’re looking to get advice on, and their advice will benefit you far more than any post on this board. No offense, fellow dopers, but this ain’t the place for dating advice. 
I’ve got nothing against internet dating, but it can be rough. Traditionally, I’ve met more solid girls in the real world just in the course of day-to-day interaction. Conversely, I have met more flakes online than anywhere else, but I’ve also met one girl online who may turn out to be a great catch. As much online dating as I’ve done, I’d about consider it a waste of time and a crapshoot, so I’m not the biggest advocate of it because it is severely frustrating and self-limiting. When I’m out getting to know people for real, though, I’m gaining experience and doing something concrete and tangible with my time. There’s no reason you can’t do both approaches, but getting real exposure to people is essential even if you make an ass out of yourself over and over again, which is a positive and perfectly normal thing. Guy to guy, I don’t want to sound like I’m coming down on you, but I can assure you as someone who once had a similar perspective on dating, you are not helping yourself by relying on the anonymity of a board like this one to get input on the subject. The process of getting to know someone, particularly a woman you like, is both a numbers game and a simple matter of practice. It’s hard not to dwell on “the one that got away”, but you’ve said you are new to dating, and I want to tell you that based on what you’ve shared, you will gain an enormously satisfying personal benefit from learning some new perspectives. Not every figure in the seduction community is a slimy chauvinistic pig. No doubt, there are several who are, but there are also several who have some genuinely good advice for guys looking to get a handle on learning to assume control of their relationships with people, both men and women, and not in a goofy new-age self-help kind of way. Guys with a handle on this stuff do not endlessly ruminate over the details about how a date went, either to themselves or to others. Sure, we all like hearing that you’re taking the right steps here on the board, but I can tell right away that you spend time turning this over in your head, perhaps planting the mental seeds of your own destruction by over-thinking it. You may get along with this girl, but don’t limit yourself!
Carlos Xuma is one guy I’d suggest you do a Youtube search on … he has some material on there that is a good primer for what I’m talking about, and he is certainly not a sleazeball. I wouldn’t assign the same negative connotation to his material that often gets assigned to the topic of seduction. It’s more about the dynamics of dating (or “Dating Dynamics”, as it’s called).
By all means, keep in touch with me and let me know how things go.
Don’t get too caught up in trying to cultivate a technique-- even if all the tips on how to behave were great ideas (which they may or may not be, depending in the girl), you don’t want to be focusing so much on your behavior that you either wind up not really paying attention to her or come across as fake. Just do something you enjoy that provides time to talk, relax, and have fun.
And don’t worry about the level of attraction after only a few hours-- get to know her first. Often, the more you like someone, the better they look to you. (And vice-versa.) If you don’t enjoy spending time with her, or decide there’s really no attraction there, then you can part ways knowing you gave it a fair shot.
anamnesis is 100% right, but pay him no heed. His post is the Masters Degree, we’re working on Dating 101 here.
Heh, well … my opinion is that it’s never to early to start on that graduate degree. The sooner the better. Some men instinctively have a grasp on the subject and don’t need to be told. Some don’t have it, but make the effort to develop themselves to a comfortable level that works. Others never even try, and they’re the types who go through life accepting a bare minimum in their personal interactions (rather like the situation I pictured in my head with this date), and chronically adopt a very negative, woeful or otherwise nonproductive attitude regarding the fairer sex. I have friends who do this all the time, and I like to try engendering a different attitude in them. Truth is, some of the most timid or unsuccessful guys tend to reap the most benefits from this stuff because they’ve already developed a sturdy callous against rejection most of their lives, so they quickly learn how to turn that on its head after they alter their perception of women a bit and they become total pros with it.
I certainly developed some sturdy calluses as a younger man. 
Go to the Albatross Pub on San Pablo Ave. in Berkeley. Play some darts.
My parents met there.
I might have to check that out! Thanks for the very specific, and local suggestion!
And **anamnesis, ** thanks very much for the advice (and everyone else too, of course). I fully realize that I do, perhaps, over-think things a tad, but I hate going into situations unprepared, particularly when it’s my first.
But everything you stated makes total sense, and I’ll hopefully be able to utilize those techniques in the very near future (hopefully!).
No problem. If I lived in Berkeley, I’d probably spend all my time at the Albatross. I went there a couple times and was completely enamored with it – and I normally don’t care much for bars/clubs/pubs. They’ve got dart boards (practically a dart range), free popcorn, and lots o’ tables and modestly volume’d music. When we were there, there were several different groups of people sitting at some of the bigger tables playing board games and drinking beer. It’s got a great, chill vibe.
I wish there were a place like that around here.
Okay, one final post to provide some closure on this, even if only for me.
So I asked her via email if she wanted to catch a specific movie/dinner a couple of weekends from now. She finally responded today, 4-5 days after I asked (which is a bit longer than usual) and pretty much completely avoided the question! She said she “plans to see that movie as soon as it comes out” and that’s it (well, aside from some misc jabber in response to other parts of my email!) Talk about a non-response.
Alright, so I think this is a done deal. I’m truly impartial to this; I was most looking forward to the 2nd date providing me with more experience, so that’s the biggest loss.
Live and learn. I just have to work on my confidence level and take it from here. Forward – on to future dates (which hopefully aren’t another 22 years out).
Back to the drawing board, I guess. Thanks for updating so well, though; your saga has been of great interest.
To me, anyway. I like dating stories.
Bummer.
Glad you’ve got perspective on it though.
You know what, though, you gave it your best, you carried yourself well, and you got practice your pool. Good for you! Onto the next one.
I think this worked out pretty well. I’ve known a couple people in similar situations to you. I think I’d be a lot more worried if your first date ever resulted in absolute True Love™.
Step 1: Don’t fall head over heels in love too easily.
Step 2: Don’t set your standards too high.
Step 3: Happiness.