Wondering if I got blown off today in a really bizzare way. Background: we’ve hung out 3 times outside of the sports league where we met.
Called him this morning. Got text saying that he was out to breakfast & “what’s ur deal.” I decided not to respond for a while. 5 hours later, I get another text asking if I’m going out tonight.
Me: “going out to dinner w/friends”
Him: “def napping, then may be having bonfire… hit me up after dinner.”
Me, texting him at 9pm: “wrapping up dinner… looks like a nice night for a bonfire…”
Me, 11pm: “guess the bonfire isn’t happening? no worries… we just got to (name of bar), actually”
Him: “ya completely passed out, just woke up a bit ago, not looking good for me making it out tonight”
Me: “lame you’re missing out…”
The end.
Why the hell would he go through that elaborate crap to blow me off?
You’re actually asking why he’s “blowing you off” after that utterly innocuous series of texts that in no way, shape, or form points to you being able to jump to that conclusion.
You will make some man a fine crazy girlfriend one day.
I think you guys are being at least a little unfair to Ms. hmhmlm who’s asked a sincere, if unconventional, question. I can certainly empathize with her: I was well into my 20’s before I developed social knowledge above a pre-teen level. :smack:
And I was well into my 50’s before I ever sent or received a telephone text message. Maybe I’m a technophobe but I’d suggest to OP that she try voice next time, or at least full 120-character twitters. Decoding such brief texts seems like reading tea-leaves … or is that part of the game?
Let’s see, you ignored him for five hours after he asked you what you were up to for the day, then you told him you had plans with friends for the evening. He mentions that his plans for the day include taking a nap, and MAYBE having a bonfire later. You text him after dinner, but he was asleep and missed the text because he forgot to tape the phone to his head so he’d wake up when it rang. When he does wake up for the second text at eleven, he realizes that all that yard work he did all day, plus repainting the storage cupboards for the foodbank, have left him so weary that even a nap didn’t help, and since you are still out partying with friends, he’s going to get a good night’s sleep and get up bright and early for a run before church.
You guys are too harsh. People are not born with social experience, and asking for advice on how to interpret something is a good way to not be crazy. She didn’t fly off the handle. She sought a rational explaination.
It sounds to me like you played hard to get, and he lost interest. It’s a fine line between “a fun chase” and “too much work” and he wasn’t interested enough to run after you.
In this case, it seems like he isn’t that in to you. If he really wants you, he’ll make solid plans for a real date- the kind of plans that come with a time and a commitment to show up (not getting a commitment for even an evening is a bad sign if you are expecting further commitment.)
I hate to say it, but you have booty-call status. You are something he does when he doesn’t have better plans…such as taking a nap. If that is all you want, you need to scale back the game playing and realize that you guys are going to hook up on nights when neither of you gets lucky- which mans to stay sane and not fixate on him, you gotta start seeing more guys and developing outside interests.
If you want more, you have to stop rewarding this behavior. From now on, he needs to take you on real dates and he needs to give you 24 hour advance notice or else you will have other plans (which may well be napping.) If he can’t even give you a date, drop him. He doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, and you can find smeone who does.
well here’s the background: we had 2 nice nights (1 out, 1 at cookout by his pool), where he was very sweet & romantic and barely kissed me. the 3rd time i was going to see him outside of our volleyball league (which is where we met), he texted me at 1AM from a bar to come over. i went, but then got the feeling I was a booty call, so I only made out w/him. never saw the booty call coming when he had only gently kissed me before… thought for sure he would be okay with me wanting to “take it slow,” especially cuz he knows i just ended an engagement 2 weeks ago.
Of course you can see why he’s blowing me off… what a lame tease I was. otherwise i think he probably would’ve wanted a relationship. just trying to figure out how to regain his interest
If you think he was interested in a relationship with you, calling you at 1 am and making out with you in a bar is probably not supportive of that claim.
No he called me from the bar telling me to come over his place.
We had a romantic night at a cookout the weekend before. Thought it was odd bc i’d suggested going to the park next weekend and all he could offer even after we kissed was, “i’ll tell u about our next cookout at our place.”
he was very vague about the cookout and hadnt even nailed down a specific date before the friday-night booty text last weekend (not even a call). so basically we had no weekend plans set in stone before he booty called me.
Basically, he’s just not that into you. No amount of mental gymnastics is going to make it true that he “probably would have wanted a relationship” with you, if he’s not pursuing one now. It sounds like if he wasn’t interested enough in making plans to see you again, he wasn’t that interested in you to begin with, but stressing over every communication between you two to figure out his true underlying meaning is worthless. Guys aren’t really that complicated in their communication, at least not nearly as much so as women. My advice: move on.
No one is interested in a relationship with you. Sex, sure. Cheap thrills, great. Fun times? Of course. But no guy in his right mind is going to take you seriously as a potential relationship partner. I don’t mean a relationship can’t miraculously happen, but in general, being two weeks out of an engagement means you shouldn’t take anything personally–don’t over-analyze; no one is interested in you in that way.
Do u think. That’s y he is backing off but not giving me a total blowofff by still telling me what he’s up to. ? Maybe when we were making out n I said he wanted to take things slow he thought of my very recent engagement and figured it had to do w that. Maybe he’s not writing me off as a tease for not having sex that night, but rather thinks ok this chick isn’t ready to start anything so im gonna back off. Will see him for coed volleyball next month. Is it possible he is being very friendly, telling me what he’s up to, and then might want to try getting involved w me again later?
If you just ended an engagement two weeks ago, don’t you think it would be wise to maybe try not being in a relationship for a while and trying to get your head on straight, rather than leaping right into a new “relationship” and spending all this mental energy twisting over this?