Cool garage sale/estate sale finds
How could I have missed THAT?!
Cool garage sale/estate sale finds
What is so great about a Mercedes?
Well, it’s mostly that I only paid five bucks for it.
Forty years ago today I saw a plume of smoke rising near O’Hare Field
RIP Murray Gell-Mann
Yep, we warned Murray about the Acme Parachute Co. 
Do you live on a busy street?
Has anyone here tried those cheap hearing aids?
And if you make it all the way across, let us know.
Should public schools be managed and taught by the military.
Supporting military action that you are able but not willing to participate in is extremely cowardly
Specialist Teacher Smith: "It’s a horror in their, Sarge! The grade 5’s have seized control of the gym! The grade 6’s have taken the cafeteria! And the grade 2’s…! [trembles uncontrollably]
Sgt Major Principal Jones: “Get back in there Smith! You knew what you were signing up for! Call Specialist Teacher Kowalski for back-up! Re-establish the perimeter at least!”
Specialist Teacher Smith: “Kowalski’s gone, Sarge.”
Sgt Major Principal Jones: “Gone? How?”
Specialist Teacher Smith: “The Grade 4’s, sir. Got her when her back was turned supervising recess.”
Sgt Major Principal Jones: “No time to mourn! I’m going in with you! No matter how this turns out, I’m proud to have served with such a dedicated group of professionals. Now, let’s go get those little weasels and enforce some DISCIPLINE!”
Specialist Teacher Smith: " Sir, yes, sir!"
When will fast food places start charging for napkins and ketchup?
Best cuisine for vegetarians?
Napkin and ketchup sandwiches are the best due to the price.
Anyone have any novel theories on why my utility bills are so high?
Polyamorous people
Yeah, all those polyamorous people lounging about the place, putting extra strain on the air conditioning, rummaging around in the refrigerator for things to re-enact that scene from 9½ Weeks with, keeping the lights on at all hours of the day and night, re-charging their rechargeable sex toys–all that adds up to some pretty stiff* electric bills.
*If you know what I mean.
** Forty years ago today I saw a plume of smoke rising near O’Hare Field
Somebody is SO fired!**
“OK, descend to 500 feet. Um, make that 200 feet. No, on second thought…uh-oh.”
** Is thick the new thin?
Who do you think will be the next big celebrity to die?**
Kathy Bates? John Goodman? 
How heavy would it have to rain to flood the Earth in 40 days?
Mt. Everest summit human traffic jam.
Downloading Your Consciousness Just Before Death.
Things your friends do that are weird (to you), but you don’t say anything to them about it.
I’d ask them about it, but they’re dead.
** Is thick the new thin?
Donut Disagreenents**
Yes, it is. Bring on the donuts!
** What’s the lamest name you’ve given a pet?
Reversed usernames**
You sound pretty stupid calling out “Iinnamkcaj!” to get your dog’s attention.
** Those states banning abortions made sure to pass laws supporting single mothers, right?
Opposing abortion does not, necessarily, require support for babies or mothers after birth**
On the bright side, you might summon an Elder God.
**Can anyone identify this old gadget?
Walking down the hall
**
Why, that’s your beloved Grandma, your mother’s mother, now on the third month of what supposed to be a one-week visit. She wanders the halls at night brandishing her cane every time she gets one of her scary premonitions, muttering under her breath and farting voluminously. Be nice to her in the time she has left.
What’s the lamest name you’ve given a pet?
Non-local hidden variables
Yeah, even if your cat can walk through walls, that’s pretty lame.
Ingesting a Tapeworm.
Walking down the hall
One time I ingested a tapeworm walking down the hall. What it was doing walking down the hall, I don’t know.
** Elevator to the Top or Mt. Everest?
Everest: Just Don’t Do It**
Yeah, real athletes take the stairs up Everest.