What are we going to do about uppity black women?
I know I keep asking, but does money really matter?
Time to put down the shovel, bub.
**Number of sexual partners
What should I do about my wife?
**
Include her in the list, if only out of courtesy.
**Sex is good, unless it is your daughter that is having it…
Will someone more well-versed in assorted sexual practices help me out with this puzzler? **
No comment.
Celebrities you find strangely attractive
Tell me about Picasso
I don’t know if it’s the bald head, the crazed look, or the fact that he’s been dead since 1973, but something about him just does it for me.
2011 - my annus horribilis
Vodka tampons and butt-chugging
This one works much better if you happen to misread the first one as I (and apparently several others, judging by the thread) did.
**The Big Bang Theory: What Will Penny’s Last Name Be?
What the fuck is going on with this Big Bang Theory shit being shoved down my throat? **
I betcha got something you’d like to shove down Penny’s throat.
**Awesome video
Vodka tampons and butt-chugging **
And stuff being shoved down Penny’s throat.
Or even:
** Now let’s see . . . dang it, what did I come in here for?
Awesome video
Vodka tampons and butt-chugging **
Ah yes, that was it. 
**Ask the guy who holds humanity in contempt
Ask the lawyer who defends jail inmates **
He doesn’t find criminal defendants that much worse company than anyone else.
-or-
The court holds you in contempt for missing jury duty. “Why bother, they’re all guilty of something” isn’t a valid excuse.
**I can’t believe I’d never heard of…
barking dogs?
**
Try living next door to one. You’ll learn fast.
**How does “I want to see my lawyer” work?
Ask the lawyer who defends jail inmates **
If there’s someone who knows…
Will someone more well-versed in assorted sexual practices help me out with this puzzler?
I can’t believe I’d never heard of…
Uh, thanks…anyone else?
**Number of sexual partners
What voice recognition software should I buy? **
If you need voice recognition software just to keep on track, you could cut down the number just a tad.
I work in a military prison. Ask me anything.
Ask the lawyer who defends jail inmates
So, are you a JAG then?
**Does your pet’s pretentious name reflect your income/class?
How white are you? **
Jeez, you’re assuming a lot just because I named my hamster “Herbert Hoover”. 
Swedish Dopers: What Happened Between 1850 and 1900?
Was the perfect car outlawed?
Ja. We had these äwesöme plans for a spörts car, but since then it’s been all Volvos and Saabs.
Annual Black Friday Score Thread
Bedbugs!
Wow, a pint of bedbugs for only $7 at Pests-R-Us? That’s what I get for sleeping in.
**Celebrity hotties that aren’t particularly hot
The Muppets! **
I dunno, I always had a thing for Miss Piggy.
A personal experience of American racism
"Zombie Day Cancelled Over Nazi Signs"
Yet another example of prejudice against Metabolically Challenged People of National Socialist Heritage.
How Does One Go About Getting A Gay?
Bacon; Suspicions confirmed!
Wow! In that case, we can make millions on a bacon-based gaydar. Quick, apply for the patent!
I should get a giraffe…
How Does One Go About Getting A Gay?
I dunno, have you tried going to a gay giraffe bar?