Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer.
I was kinda hoping this thread would reach ten pages. But it’s like my grandpappy used to say:
“Put your eggs in one basket, and shit in the other. See which one fills faster.”
Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning. Red sails in the sunset… wasn’t that the Beatles?
One if by land, two if by sea… five is right out.
You can’t take it with you, and you can take that to the bank.
(I can’t seem to help myself.) The love of money is the square root of evil.
(which led naturally to) When come, bring pie r squared.
He treated her like a red-headed stepmother.
When in Rome, lend me your ears.
A penny saved is a penny for your thoughts.
Sticks and stones may break my bones to make your bread.
Haste makes waste not.
Too little, too late smart.
Straighten up and fly away home.
He who hesitates is right twice a day.
Don’t count your chickens til they cross the road
Good ones!
A journey of a thousand miles begins where angels fear to tread.
That’s the way the cookie bounces.
It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as an Indian Chief.
Two wrongs don’t make a crowd.
Always a bridesmaid, never say never.
Out of the mouths of boobs.
If at first you don’t succeed, try a metric wrench.
It’s not whether you win or lose, but nice guys finish last.
Egad, brujaja, you’re just scintillating and coruscating away there and it takes me half a day to come up with one of these that’s worth posting!
You are so not sending all your eggs to hell in one handbasket! 
Sometimes a cigar is just better than cursing the darkness.
A cat tells nine lies.
Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Out of sight, out of mind. Out of mind, outtasight!
Indeed!
Scintillating! Coruscating!! Two of my favorite words! (Along with “ebullient”, in case you saw that thread.) Why thank you, Ragiel. I’m flattered. I always noticed aphorisms because a lot of them are mighty peculiar and besides, I love word games.
A toad in the hole is worth two in the bush.
You can’t fight fire with city hall.
It’s hard to soar with the eagles when you work with the doobie brothers.
What comes around only goes around once.
Keep your ear to the grindstone and your nose to the ground.
You’ve got nothing to lose but fear itself.
The grass is always greener when you’re having fun.
Let sleeping dogs teach new tricks.
You can’t get blood from a turnip farmer.
It takes a lot to laugh, and a train to Clarksville.
Give up the ghost of a snowball’s chance.
You’ve made your bed, now bury the hatchet.
Four score and bases loaded.
Every cloud has a silver surfer.
Oh like he’s such a brain scientist.
Well, you can’t teach a sleeping dog new lies.
Time marches on to the beat of a different drummer.
Beware the March Hare.
Beware of Greeks looking gift horses in the mouth.
Better late than sorry. Better safe than never.
Give 'em an inch, and they’ll walk a mile in your shoes. (for a camel, no doubt.)
The enemy of my enemy must really be an asshole.
(or, keep your friends close, and your enemies down in the root cellar.)
My favorite mixed metaphors are the ones that combine two similiar ones and the message they convey is immediately understood. Such as:
She’s the best actress since sliced bread.
Shit or get off the fence.
It’s not rocket surgery.
The rocket surgery one sounded so natural (and I knew the “message”) the first time I heard it, that it took a second to register that it wasn’t quite right. There are numerous examples of this in this thread. Good work guys!
I think brujaja deserves a prize for sheer volume. Daaaayum!
Just caught this before it dropped off the second page. Which reminds me:
A stitch in time waits for no man.