Do people really enjoy sleeping? Can you actually enjoy being asleep?
Yes, the tree still makes noise when no one’s around to hear it.
Why 16:9?
Because 4[sup]2[/sup]:3[sup]2[/sup] is harder to type.
Portable, free-standing room air conditioner-good idea or no?
If you’re vacationing in the Sahara, yes. If in Siberia, no.
**What is the cheapest website where I can get stock photography? **
rightclickandsaveas.com
What the hell?
Fuck yeah.
What ramifications will my scientific breakthrough have?
You’ll probably make one of those crackpot websites people mock and laugh at.
Medicos - Why the paranoia?
Because El Medico might use Muy Tequila to knock you out and El Hacksawo to cut you open.
Where to find gypsy moth infestation predictions?
Gypsy fortunetellers. Where else?
Should NY Subway Tracks [be] Clogged w/ Corpses of Rats who Touched the Third Rail?
They’re clean because of mayor Bloomberg’s program to feed the homeless.
How much damage does rocket exhaust do to the launch platform?
It leaves a 100 ft patch of oil that’s a bitch to clean up.
What causes death in Stage I cancers?
The cancer.
"Kills 99.9% of bacteria!" What about the remaining 0.1%?
Those are the ones that make you sick.
How would you respond to this high school student’s question re torture?
If he’d just do his math homework, we wouldn’t have to go to such extreme lengths.
Annoying fast food drive through practice…
Is it really that hard? They give you instructions at each step.
If someone shits in an olympic-size pool, do they have to drain the whole pool?
Depends on how big the shit is, I suppose.
Has anyone got it on in the space station yet?
Don’t tell me: You want to volunteer!
**Hebrew transliteration of Irish names **
Shlomo O’Leary and I were talking about this just last night at the pub!
**Just how smooth is the Earth? **
What, you’ve never touched dirt before?
How is the American Revolution taught in British schools?
Grudgingly, if at all.
**Are there really still country clubs that OFFICIALLY bar blacks, Jews, etc. **
Only the Klan-run ones, and even they’re getting tired of all the lawsuits.
**“Running” a marathon, which is more tiring? **
You have to give me two alternatives to ask me “which is more.” Sheesh.
**Was Thurgood Marshall senile in his last few years on the Supreme Court? **
No, he was just annoyed that he was never asked to have sex on the International Space Station.
**Why is a woman’s exposed nipple considered nudity? **
A simple test: If it’s a part of your mom you wouldn’t want shown in public, it’s nudity.
**How can you tell if they rotated your tires? **
You can’t. They can do anything they want to, and you’ll never know. Get used to it.
What impacts clitoral sensitivity levels?
The pH meter, which stands for “Pussy Hurts.”
Renting an experimental aircraft
You would be considered an experimental pilot.
How can you tell if they rotated your tires?
If they drove your car, they rotated your tires.
Obama’s speech today had wording identical to some of Bush’s speeches. Why?
Obama’s speechwriter found it on the internet for like, really cheap.
Is there a good reason for Bessemer to be in this list?
He bought something with credit and they sold his name.
What can I do with a press pass from examiner.com?
Well, there’s always origami…
Artificial diamonds?
We prefer Standard American bidding, here.
From GD:
**Possibly the worst idea in history (giving ethics to robots) **
Paging Dr. Asimov – That information you requested 68 years ago is finally in!
Why do people refer to illegal aliens as Undocumented?
That way, you don’t have to pay the roaming charges when E.T. phones home.
Apropos of nothing, this is the most durable thread I’ve ever started. I started it 18 days ago and it’s still plugging along, albeit slowly.
Stretching my lobes…pierced too low?
If you mean the Temporal Lobe, then yes.
**
Need help finding a book**
It’s behind the couch
**
Mistakes were made cleaning up a broken flourescent bulb, what to do now?**
Post the video on Failblog.org
Renting an experimental aircraft
Tip: Don’t get the ‘Experimental’ Insurance
**
What are these red marks on my skin? **
Shut up and put down the Sharpie
Just how smooth is the Earth?
We’ll let you know when we land
What is the deal with knights standing on top of animals in Medieval portraits?
It was an early version on Extreme Sports
Summer science: How to cool an apartment with a fan?
Turn it on.
Can I teach myself to be a doctor?
Playing Doctor by yourself is called “masturbating”
Over in the UK it’s been a standing joke that Americans don’'t understand sarcasm.
I didn’t realise it was true.
Until I read this thread…
Girls Are Reaching Menarche Earlier. Are Women Reaching Menopause Later?
Yes, thanks to chemicals put in the water by the tampon companies so they can increase sales.
**Onto what can you fall from 15K feet without a parachute and survive? **
A 14,999 ft tall block of foam.
Just how smooth is the Earth?
As smooth as a billiard ball when falling from 15K feet.
Stretching my lobes…pierced too low?
Yes, if they’re attached to your ankles.
Why own more than 1 credit card?
So you can pay off other credit cards.
If everyone on earth suddenly disappeared, what would happen to Boulder (Hover) dam?
Dunno. Nobody would be around to see it.
How do junkies get all this OxyContin?
How do junkies get all this heroin? How do junkies get all this cocaine? How do junkies get all this cough syrup? They find a way.
When will we see fighter UAVs?
Vhen ve give the United Auto Vorkers more veapons.
Has anyone got it on in the space station yet?
Yes, but it was the lone Russian who did a five-year stint because his country couldn’t afford to send a shuttle to pick him up. When they finally arrived, they had to avoid a lot of anti-grav semen spherelets to get to him.
Transporting fragile Christmas ornaments
Here’s a hint: you don’t want to put the fridge on top of them.
What is being a friend on the SDMB mean?
That you am seeing what they am posting.
NiMH or NiCD batteries?
NiMH, if you want to make your rats smarter.
Will my Kindle work in Canada if I live near the US border?
Should burn just as well there.
Did Libraries Ever Have “Sharing” Issues Like Todays P2P Networks?
Just with spatial physics, since a book could only be checked out by one person at a time.
Are we one year and a few dozen scientists away from global famine?
Doing all that science stuff makes them really hungry.
Was Dr. Seuss on heroin?
If you’ve read his material, you’d know it was acid.
Cleaning sterling silver jewelry with gemstones
Silver polish would do a better job.
Can I put a dimmer switch on my pool pump?
You could put a gasoline engine on a dog, but I doubt either one would work very well.
Basement flooded: need help fast!
Start swimming.
Water heater mystery
The furnace did it.
Bloody moles
Beheaded chipmunks.
**Whats the logic behind “click it or ticket?” **
If ‘Click’ Then
Continue
Else
‘Ticket’
End-if
Where Is FIAT Getting the Money?
If I told you, you would have to go sleep with the fishes. 
**What happens to veins of drug addicts? **
They get needles poked in them.