the dude… ONLY fucks like this… AND read’s his girlfriend’s journals.
he’s got some shit going on.
but yeah… far from anyone… especially me, to suggest something is not right.
we are all right in our own little ways… to some, i guess.
I’m not suggesting I am right… that I know this dude’s psyche from soup… I’m JUST suggesting. Disarm, priceguy.
San Fransisco Sex Information offers counseling over the phone after 3pm, Mon-Sat.
I’ve never called, and I have no idea what sort of training their counselors have, but it’s a toll free number and it would probably be worth your time to call. Judging by their website, they seem to have their share of common sense and seem to be well grounded when it comes to sex.
To summarize the “am I normal?” question in their FAQs, whatever you do or fantasize about is almost certainly done by others but may or may not be commonplace, "However, we at SFSI believe that worrying about what’s normal or commonplace isn’t useful or productive.
Beyond that, what you’re doing may be just really dirty, really rough sex, but it might be worthwhile to read up on safety in a BDSM context. Anything by Jay Wiseman would be good.
IMHO, being sexually aggressive can be a head trip. It’s a good thing that you are worrying about it, not because you are tuning into some sort of sexual sociopath, but because your worry shows that you care about your behavior. I also suspect that you are more likely to be into clown sex five years from now than you are to be into suspension bondage and leather hoods, but if it makes you and yours happy, then go for it.
[sub]And you had to ask this valid of a question barely two weeks after I quit posting about sex because I was beginning to feel like a troll… :shrug:[/sub]
A person like you cannot possibly understand what love is. In fact, you will never be able to obtain the inner understanding of what love is all about. You will always be stuck on a lower plane constantly mistaking lust for love.
I could say more, but I’ll decline and just bite my tongue.
IMHO, - Jinx
**AND ALSO… **I didn’t know how to fit it in and I could be way off here, but it seems to me that your concept of “making love” might be somewhat idealized. Being perfect and often not clearly defined, ideals are impossible to attain. Could this be why you’re worrying, because you don’t know what it is that you’re supposed to want, but don’t?
quietman1920 , I’m glad to see I’m not the only one thinking of Robert Chambers here. When he finally confessed to the police he told them it was “rough sex that got out of hand”.
I think that pure needs to be a bit more mature about his sexual practices. Asking someone if you can tie them up and having them say “sure” is not sufficient. I think that you need to be extremely clear about will happen if things get “out of hand”. Both partners need to be able to stop things immeadiately when they are uncomfy. Although, if pure decides that he can not control himself when he’s choking someone…well, I hope he looks good in gray.
I don’t think pure was using this thread to brag. I sense that he is concerned about what he might do. (Eeek, so am I). I still think some good old fashioned therapy could help. Or maybe some self analysis? Would be cheaper at any rate. I mean, why does he need to see women beat up to achieve sexual satisfaction? There must be some reason for that. Something in childhood??? I’m not going to say anyone is abnormal. And as long as no one is hurt then have at it…but that disturbs me.
I almost pitted you for this. Jinx, provided this post was serious and I’m praying it’s not, who the hell do you think you are? You read a few paragraphs the guy writes and think you can judge his understanding of love and his experiences, past and future. You self-righteous, pompous, presumptuous… I can’t think of an appropriate noun that doesn’t break posting rules.
Pure likes rough sex. It’s becoming an addiction. That’s the sum total of what you know about him. How dare you say something like that? You know NOTHING about his understanding of love. If you think that love and rough sex are mutually exclusive, then you’re the one without understanding of what love is about.
I just want to say kudos to you, Priceguy, for being so mature about this topic.
And MissBungle, it was specifically stated by pure in response to you:
And yet you continue to spew your laxative-like opinion in a crude and judgemental manner. Why don’t you knock it off already and let those who can deal with it try to help?
Yeah, I understand that this is an uneasy topic for many people, myself included, but your inflamatory statements (including the one about sticking up for child molesters) are, IMO, extremely trollish.
You know, setting aside for a moment pure’s statement about fear of losing control one day (because that is worrisome), BDSM is not abuse, and when it’s consentual, it isn’t ignoring the well-being of one’s partner. Plenty of healthy, well-adjusted people enjoy BDSM–both on the giving and the receiving side of it. Just because you feel there is something wrong with it doesn’t make it wrong for everybody. If I get off being tied up, or tying someone up, or hurting someone or getting hurt, who are you to say that I’m abusive, or being abused?
I’d say the op definitely has some issues that need to be worked out in therapy. Especially when he mentioned his father beating him, and him using a belt the way his father did. Yeah, I’d say so.
Look, guys-the guy is perhaps trying to CHANGE. I thought that would be a good thing.
I’m three yeas older than the OP, and can honestly say i have never loved anybody I’ve slept with. In fact, I’ ve never been “in love” at all. That worries me a lot.
attention Fairblue…
AM I weird OR not?
But but but… don’t be judgemental or… gasp mean
wha?
MissBungle
It’s not what you say- it’s how you say it.
Honestly, your posts in this thread contain much crude and inflammatory language. It’s unnecessary, and I question the appropriateness of it considering that the OP has already stated he would rather talk about it in a non-judgemental manner.
I understand that it’s an uneasy topic, and I understand that you consider yourself a blunt person, but so much of what you have said is not helpful or useful in anyway that I can discern.
Yes, you gave your opinion- we all now know that you have a serious issue with S&M, but all the rest of the things you said that you hoped would shake him up and open his eyes just make you look like loudmouth old crotch.
Right now it seems to me that your “bluntness” is just an excuse to spew without regards to whether it is appropriate or not. There are ways to get your point across (even bluntly) without looking jerkish, and I believe you are intelligent enough to discover them.
I have tried to be honest in this response without coming across like a jerk, and I hope that you can respect that I am sincere.
WHAT?
did you use some kinda “new math” to come to that conclusion?
fugget it.
pure should not ask questions that he can’t handle the answers to. why do y’all think pure is so emotionally fragile that he will be crushed by the words of a wise, annoymous poster? heck, i’m sure he could bruise and cut me up good. he can take care of himself.
gasp oh no she di’ant!
MissBungle: If you improved your posting style then people wouldn’t be annoyed by you so much.
For example, imagine if we all wrote our posts like this:
hey u dont like my post style?
i like better shape up. wha?
like wow. good luck!
Threads would become unreadable. I know you’ll probably reply with “ooh like whatever”, but I’m just trying to give you a tip.
CrazyCatLady:
Your suggestion about breaking habits is a good one, thanks. It seems obvious, but I’ve never actually consciously tried not to do some of the things I do. When I do the deed I pretty much turn my brain off and kinda just go with the flow. I’m single right now (haven’t got back on the horse yet after the whole potential engagement thing), but I’ll keep that in mind.
Shana:
Right now I’m offline, but will google Robert Chambers when I’m online. It doesn’t sound promising though
The majority of the time, the choking doesn’t go beyond the pressure of a hard massage, and has that same kind of undulating pressure. On rare occasions the girl will gag, but as soon as that happens I stop applying pressure.
Also, the way I choke is “designed” (not the best term but the best I can think of) to minimize potential injury. I have pretty good knowledge of chokeholds (learned from martial arts), and I don’t choke around the throat, I choke around the carotid(sp?) artery that runs up the sides of the neck. Breathing is not inhibited. Blood flow to the brain is inhibited though, so I never apply constant pressure. It’s always something like 1 second choke, stop applying pressure for a few seconds but leave my hand there, repeat. There’s no risk of asphyxiation, and they are still getting air so they can still talk and tell me to stop if need be.
MissBungle:
Not the case at all. I had mentioned earlier that I have no concerns about my life outside the bedroom, and I’m not the (stereo)typical runt of the litter that overcompensates by domineering others sexually. While I’m not the most popular guy at work, I think I’m well liked (except maybe for the guy that’s worried about his job). I’m the funny guy at lunch who’s all business at work. My friends…well I’m not at the bottom. Anyways, nobody really messes with me, probably because I carry myself with confidence.
Thinking about my friends did make me think about something though, because they’re all kinda scared of me. When I was younger (until about age 20 or so) I had a serious anger problem and got into a lot of fights. I’m not a big guy, but I studied martial arts like brazilian jiu-jitsu, Filipino stick and knife fighting, and jeet kune do so I had the tools to hurt people and my buddies saw me do it. My reputation with them lives on. But I digress.
The point of the little off-topic info there was my anger problem when I was younger. I just seemed to have outgrown it. Is it possible that I’ll outgrow this phase of violence?
Kali:
Well, I don’t really have a problem here. Sex isn’t exclusively rough, during each session there are plenty of tender moments, “I love you-s” etc, but about 75% of the time there’s also slapping, name calling, etc. In terms of sensation, IMO, the fun is in going from very soft and light to very hard and rough and back again. So there is gentle stuff going on, but it’s never been ONLY gentle stuff, without any of the dirty stuff. (and a tip for guys and gals: elbow pits and knee pits are surprisingly sensitive 
)
For me, sex+spirituality=huh? There’s not really an emotional thing going on for me during intercourse. After sex I’m the opposite of how the sex was. The rougher I am during the sex, the more tender I am after the sex. If I called her any names, I make sure to tell her that I love her and don’t really mean any of it. If there was some physical force, I ask whether I was too rough. I’m really big on cuddling. Before sex, after sex, in my sleep. So the rough behaviour starts during foreplay and ends when the sex is over. I’m not the guy that rolls over and falls asleep.
Regarding me having a safe word for myself. I’ve never really considered it, but I will in the future.
PriceGuy:
Thank you!! This is absoloutely true.
I’m trying to wean myself off the video porn and rape-type fantasies. I’ve moved to pictures and reliving sex with my ex-gf’s. It takes a lot longer to cum, but I feel there’s progress.
I dunno what I would do in your hypothetical situation. I’d at least try to accommodate her, but I can’t say for a fact that I’d be successful.
I don’t think so. I’ve gotten bj’s from 8 girls that I can think of right now, and none of them could do it. Only 2 girls ever made me come from a hand job because their arms/wrists get sore. It’s just hard for me to cum, I have faked orgasm before because I was getting way too sore and wanted to get it over with.
MissBungle:
You’re really skewing what I’ve said. I can get off without smacking or hitting. I didn’t abuse anybody. Lastly, even though the sex was exactly how I wanted it, 99% of the time it was how they wanted it too. The 5 or 6 incidences where things got out of hand is not representative of my entire sex life.
As for ignoring their well-being, in some cases I didn’t know there was a problem. In one instance we were on my balcony that was concrete, and we had a blanket spread out. She was on top, and afterwards when we went inside her knees were bleeding. I didn’t know it until she went straight to the bathroom to clean her knees. In another instance we were up against a tree and she had cuts from the tree trunk. Again, I didn’t know at the time, and she didn’t say anything. I don’t consciously go out and hurt my gf’s, or ignore them if they are hurt.
When I say that I’ve left bruises, I’m not talking about big black bruises that hang around for a week, I’m talking about the little green ones that show up the next day and are gone the day after that. One girl really liked what I did to her breasts, and I just did things how she wanted. Invariably the next day they would be bruised and too sore to play with, but she always said it was worth it, and the next day she’d have me doing the same thing all over again.
I punched my GF once out of the hundreds of times we had sex. That was the only time I ever hit her, and the cruelest thing I did to her besides that one instance is when I unleash the tickle monster (I make this ridiculous noise and chase her around the room).
As for the journal reading, I’ve already explained that to you. I don’t feel bad about it b/c IMO the ends justified the means. I’m not talking about that anymore because it has no bearing on my personality or other intimate relationships.
And what’s that saying about Nazis? That one where if you compare somebody to a Nazi you automatically lose the argument because be making a comparison to Nazi’s you’re showing you obviously have no real argument? Is there one of those for for people who use child molestation in their argument?
Tir Tinuviel and Cornflakes:
When I say “making love” I suppose I do have an idealized picture of it, but I’d settle for something close. I assume that there are people that have something close to “love making” on a regular basis? From reading Indygrrrl’s posts it seems there are people that do, even though it bores her. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’d like to have boring sex every once in a while.
Cornflakes, thanks for the SFSI link. I don’t know if their number will work for me (my location=Canada) but I’ll def. check it out.
Indygrrl:
[Joey]How you doin? 
[/Joey] j/k, I may have the skills, but I don’t think I have the tools, errr, make that Tool to please you. :o My e-cock is 9 inches if that means anything to you :o
Tansu:
Thank you for the link to the thread.
Jinx:
IMO you’re wrong. Maybe this is right in general, but I do know what love is. If I mistook lust for love then I would have been in love with a lot more girls. I’ve only loved one, and it’s almost 11 months later and I’m still not ready for another relationship. I guess I won’t really know until I’m 80 and married for 50 years, but I think that my understanding of love is pretty good for someone my age. It’s a lot better than my friends’, I’ll tell you that much.
Guinastasia:
on further thought, the belt thing is probably a coincidence. I use it to tie up the wrists and sometimes choke, my dad used it like a whip. I’ve never used a belt to whip anybody, and the only reason I used it during sex is because it was handy.
Special thanks to Kevja, cuauhtemoc, price guy, plain jane, and anybody I missed for being understanding, helpful, and non-judgemental.
IMO, you sound like an intelligent person who’s just into the rough stuff sexually. Do what you have to do to relieve your worries about it, and go on. Just make sure that the lady knows what you’re going to do and can stop you if needed.
Different strokes for different folks, right?
Exactly what I thought. Godwin’s Law already has Quirk’s Exception (Intentional invocation of Godwin’s Law is ineffectual); let’s call this Pure’s Addition.
Pure I mentioned Robert Chambers to you because I thought his story might serve as a cautionary tale of sorts - not because I think you are capable of doing what he did. Just wanted to make that clear.
You seem like you have a good handle on things and know your own mind. I guess red lights went off for me when you said you were worried about “losing control”…and by the way, what exactly would that look like? What are you afraid of doing? Or is this just a vague, relatively groundless fear??
Pure I mentioned Robert Chambers to you because I thought his story might serve as a cautionary tale of sorts - not because I think you are capable of doing what he did. Just wanted to make that clear.
You seem like you have a good handle on things and know your own mind. I guess red lights went off for me when you said you were worried about “losing control”…and by the way, what exactly would that look like? What are you afraid of doing? Or is this just a vague, relatively groundless fear??
For what it’s worth, my wife thinks that your girlfriend is playing you for all it’s worth. I think it’s entirely possible that she knows what you do, likes it and knows how to get it, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Beyond that, I don’t see any connection between your father’s abuse and your enjoying rough sex. It sounds like you’re afraid on some level of being violent, leaving you somewhat uncertain in the bedroom.