What has a bottom at its top?
A leg
UK comedian Jimmy Carr tells a four word joke, but it really only works when spoken, as it relies on a homophone. “Venison is really [dear/deer].”
Not only that, it only works when spoken* in the UK *! 
“Yesterday, I…oh, wait, that wasn’t me.”
-- Stephen Wright“Women! Can’t live with 'em, can’t shoot 'em.”
-- Steven (sp?) Wright
(Too soon? Not for Nzinga Seated!)
“They can kill the Kennedys. Why can’t they…”
– John Swartzwelder
How many… umm…
Never mind.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Somewhere, every minute, a woman gives birth.
SOMEONE STOP HER!!!
Methatesis!
(‘Metathesis’ means switching syllables. Ten words including this explanation.)
“Our act involves incestuous sex.”
“What do you call…”
“Aristocrats!”
BRILLIANT! Talk about distilling something long down to its essence.
Was the iambic tetrameter (almost rhyming, certainly loaded with consonance) intentional, or accidental? Either way, it makes it even better.
Mjölnir: Thor’s Hammer, Sif’s Dildo.
If work really sucked I’d smile a lot more there.
Cthulhu in 2012. Don’t settle for the lesser evil.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes, use birth control.
“Motion-tracking turrets!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!”
You’re just jealous that the voices are talking to me!
Drive defensively. Buy a tank!
It’s much better to be a smartass than the alternative.
Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.
POTTED MEAT FOOD PRODUCT: Made By, For, And With Assholes.
I would love to be able to claim I am that clever… but it just came out that way.
Are Calvinist ministers pre-ordained?
Aw, man! My husband and I died laughing, but when I asked my son the question he said the answer and rolled his eyes as if to say “duh…”. <Pout>
Why does Snoop carry an umbrella?
Fo’ drizzle.
nm
This one I read, and I am totally not making this up, in Reader’s Digest.
Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Fo’ drizzle!
(How many Reader’s Digest readers got that, do you think?
You think mucus is funny, but it’s snot.
What meat does a priest eat during Lent? Nun.