Almost all bitches/bastards that you know are sweet people deep down - very few are bad to the bone. But it doesn’t matter that you’re a sweet person deep down: if you’re acting like a bitch/bastard, then you are a bitch/bastard.
There’s almost never such a thing as “a break” in a relationship. 99% of the time “I need a break” = “I want to break up”.
Those warnings about underwired bras in washing machines are true; heed them.
Respect your elders - they are the same as you, just in slightly more damaged packaging, with a hell of a lot more experience to back their opinions up.
If you’re a guy with short legs, always hold your hands in front of your balls when walking through turnstiles.
Wear gloves when dicing especially hot peppers like jalepenos.
If you do not wear gloves, do not go to the bathroom afterwards.
WASHING MAY NOT BE ENOUGH.
Graduate school is designed to crush your soul and make you question everything you once believed about yourself (ie, that you are a smart or capable human being). That doesn’t mean that grad school isn’t worthwhile, but it’s far more painful than you’d expect.
Hmm. I’d go with the near-opposite: “Spending ten minutes thinking about something before doing it will allow you to beat those who jump right in–usually by a wide margin.”
Effort gets you nothing at all – results do, and the two aren’t nearly as correlated as folks think.
Never, ever, utter the phrase, “Well, I couldn’t feel any worse, what the hell!” (This phrase is often followed by a visit to the emergency room.)
You can, in fact, be more lost.
You don’t have to say anything. Really, you don’t. Sometimes you can just refrain from responding. (Wish I’d acquired that skill a little earlier in life!)
When people show you who they really are, your job is to see!
And the golden rule of life; ‘If you play, you pay’, everything in life comes at a cost. Everything.
Never click on porn links where the gender is ambiguous.* There is an important difference between “two teens having sex” and “two teen girls having sex”.
Yeah, see I was reasonably smart, but extremely literate and articulate quite early: a lot of teachers confused that with “brilliant”, and at the tail end of the 70’s the best thing to do with kids like me, at least at the school I went to, which was run by smelly ex-hippies - was let 'em do what they pleased, which in my case was pretty much nothing. I’d get a whole bunch of plaudits at about how clever I was but was never actually required to do any work, and I kind of coasted along like that for years, figuring that I must be as smart as everyone told me and that sooner or later everything would drop into my lap and meanwhile I could be a lazy smartarse: Jesus, I must have been insufferable. I didn’t even make it through high school; I dropped out when I was 16 and went to work, where I swiftly learnt that nobody cared what some mouthy kid who’d read a few books and knew some long words thought if he wasn’t willing to pull his weight: best lesson of my life.
And a carton of butter microwaved on FULL for a whole minute will be hot and the butter itself will no longer be solid
[sub](so if you absent-mindedly grab the container it will spill all over you when the heat causes you to let go.)[/sub]
I didn’t learn this the first time, nor the second time, but the third time… I still didn’t. You think I’d remember to check the lil fuckers to make sure they are still on the old filter.
Do not use booze in an attempt to drown your sorrows:
All sorrows can float.
Several can tread water.
Some can swim.
And a few can even perform CPR on their fellow sorrows.
