Only awake for a day.
Unable to like anyone (in any sense) or disliked by all?
Unable to like anyone.
–
Chronically smell like sewage (to everyone else, but not to you) or have saliva that tastes like sewage (to everyone, including you)?
Saliva. She (and I) will just have to get used to it
in the same vein…
loose control over your bladder function
OR
loose control over your sphincter
Bladder. There’s always Depends.
Re-enact every non-lethal urban legend ever told (including ramming a gerbil up your colon and being served your own pet)
or
Re-enact every Jackass stunt ever performed.
Jackass. At least I get to be on TV (that’s MTV for you, KCSuze 
)
Be forever banned to an inhabited Pacific (no, make that: Arctic) Island
or
Be forever banned from the SDMB
I’ll take the island (it would be a nice break from hot as heck Texas)
Listen to Gilbert Godfrey talk for 24 hours straight
or
Listen to Dick Vitale commentate on sports for 24 hours straight
Gilbert Godfrey. He’s occasionally funny.
Write closed captioning for The Osbournes (also on MTV 
)
OR
Serve as Fred Phelps’ Public Relations agent.
I’ll stick with the MTV, horrible as it may be.
now for some serious business:
having the one you truly love leaving you for someone (s)he is more happy with, being left in agony
or
leaving that one for someone you are happier with, leaving him/her in agony
Leaving that person for someone I’m happier with. I’m an asshole, I admit it.
Spend five years living in poverty in Afghanistan
or
Spend five years living in Antarctica
Antarctica
Perform analingus on Jerry Springer
-or-
Perform cunnilingus on Sally Jesse Raphael
Sally (love those glasses)
Sleep in a port-a-john located at a hot outdoor heavy metal show
or
Spend an evening with suburban, baggy pants wearing Eminem wannabees at the local mall?
I’ll take the wannabees, it sounds less lethal.
Would you rather…
…be connected to your siamese twin via the mouth
OR
…be connected to your siamese twin via the anus
hafta go with Sally… I ain’t gonna go ANYWHERE near Springer’s sphincter!
become one of those bag persons that wander around town, clearing having lost touch with reason
or
host a large 3-year-old birthday party at chucky cheese every week
Just checked back and saw my simul-screw-up…
connected via mouth I suppose… both options suck pretty bad, though.
and to try mine again
become one of those bag persons that wander around town, clearing having lost touch with reason
or
host a large 3-year-old birthday party at chucky cheese every week
Just checked back and saw my simul-screw-up…
connected via mouth I suppose… both options suck pretty bad, though.
and to try mine again
become one of those bag persons that wander around town, clearly having lost touch with reason
or
host a large 3-year-old birthday party at chucky cheese every week
Wander around town. In the end, I’d probably be less crazy :p.
Get your fingernails pulled out
OR
Get mace sprayed in your :eek:
Crap! My second option should be “Eat human feces”. Sorry bout that.
Easy. Get your fingernails pulled out.
Be COMPLETELY ALONE and IMMORTAL on a ship going to the nearest star.
OR
Be COMPLETELY ALONE and IMMORTAL on Earth. Except you’re blind.
Incidentally, Springer’s Sphincter would make a great band name! 
hrmm… alone, immortal, starship, I reckon. Least I ain’t blind.
beaten until very near death by malevelant dwarves, and then set afire
or
felch a goat (this question is primarily for Bippy the Beardless)