No, it’s NOT funny when you insult me over and over. You are more than 20 years older than me; have you not learned common decency yet?
I asked you a simple, meant to be nice question: “Are you ready for school?” I asked this because you were my 8th grade math teacher and I actually ENJOYED math that year, and because your daughter and I just graduated together.
I do NOT appreciate your diatribe about people asking you that question; I also don’t enjoy your calling me stupid. I just graduated as valedictorian, mmmkay? I promise you I didn’t do that by flunking all my classes, you ignorant fuckmuffin.
I ALSO don’t appreciate your comment after church about me to one of the older ladies in my church. I do NOT sing the alto part in hymns because I’m pretentious; I do it because soprano is too fucking high. I don’t think the people around me would be pleased with my sounding like a diseased chicken trying to sing a part I can’t handle. DO YOU GET THE POINT, FUCKING BITCH?
I also don’t like the fact that you insulted my MOTHER, that you have done so almost every Sunday for over a year, and the next time you do, I am going to tell you to fuck off. It will go something like this:
Fuck off, bitch.
And then I will elaborate for you:
Fuck off. Fuck yourself with the Washington Monument–it’s fitting for an asshole as big as you. You are an idiotic, callous imbecile. Here’s a translation for you, moron: you’re a fucking bitch. However, you are but a twatwhistle in the Fucking Bitch Travelling Band, and I am going to take my Bass Fiddle of Utter Bitchiness and break it over your stupidfuckinghead.
You can also quit telling me I’m going to hell, because I’m certain I’m going to see you there, you bitchbitchbitch. You can also go fuck yourself with the Washington Monument. I’m reiterating because I don’t think you quite understood it the first time, unwashed bonehead.
And try this: instead of telling my sister and I that we’re sluts for wearing shorts to church, why don’t you take a look at your OWN daughter who is ALSO wearing shorts to church, you blind fucking BAT. What the FUCK is your FUCKING problem? Even the preacher’s daughters wear shorts! Are you going to tell them they’re sluts? Please try it. I want to see what happens to you.
“And verily, in that same church dwelt a FUCKING BITCH and so Saint Nocturne did smite the FUCKING BITCH with a mighty hand because the FUCKING BITCH had failed to take her daily enema of shrapnel and salt. And therein also dwelt a whole camp of FuckingBitchites, and Saint Nocturne also smote them posthaste because yea, they were causing her general misery.”
To sum up: You’re a fucking bitch. Got it?
And I am converting to Catholicism.
But that lady sounds like a really big pain in the ass. What is her problem??