Well fellow dopers it’s do or die time. I’m finishing getting ready for work going to swing by the bar tell her. Something to the effect,
“I’ve been looking for a real girlfriend for along time and every where imaginable, and I’ve realized she was right in front of me the entire time” “will you got with me friday…on a real date?”
It’s the best thing to do whether or not she say yes/no because one–every thing will be great or, two–we will just be friends. And at least this way I’ll know. I just have to keep tellin myself this.
I don’t know if I’m too late to offer a kick in the butt and support!
If you haven’t left yet, I wanted to say a couple of things:
I’ve read this whole thread and there’s no way on this earth I think you’ll get a pat on the head and “let’s be friends; you’re really kewl” (I totally concur that she was expecting something yesterday which is what led to the wierdness). But,
B) If that were to happen (pat on the head, heeere Nicky…), which it won’t, and there was any weirdness with your friendship, you can always show her this thread. (Since she’s a doper, especially). I dunno, but it seems to exhibit a real concern for preserving the friendship as well as being heli-sweet regarding your lustful feelings for her.
Just some thoughts. And we will hunt you down if you don’t report in…
This is what happened (I’m sure you guys are just dying to know) I show up and of coarse she is late and not at the bar yet, well I stick around until about 1/2 past 10 (had to be at work at 11) she finally strolls in, gets herself a drink and asks if I want to watch south park back in the office. So were chillin back there the first set of commercials comes on, I chicken out. The second set comes on so I just say “jill I realy like you” okay so it’s not what I had planned on saying but I don’t think it would’ve mattered because she promptly answers with a “huh” (in a aggitated? tone) then says " I just don’t want to talk about it now" I respond by saying “well think it over and get ahold of me later” or something like that?
I leave go to work come home and stare at the tv as I endlessly switch channels, completely oblivious at what is actually on the screen. Thinking about everything that has happenned, then wondering what she was actually was saying to me. What was the meaning/reason for not wanting to even talk about it?
I may have to sleep on that one before I can guess what she meant by “I don’t wanna talk about it now.”
I think (and wait for other’s opinions before you do this, as I’ve been drinking with Astrogirl and may not be thinking straight right now…) that you need to call her up and say, “Look, Jill, I need to talk to you about something important.” And agree to meet sometime when neither one of you has to rush off to work, etc. for a few hours. And then spill your guts!
Maybe when you said “I really like you, Jill!” What she heard was, “I really like you, Jill (you’re a friend to me and nothing more)!” It would be easy to misinterpret that, depending on your intonation/ the mood in the room at the time/ HER mood at the time/ etc. I think you need to be a little more obvious with her… more along the lines of “I think I love you!” than “I really like you!”
Don’t give up now! You’ve taken the first step, now follow up! From everything that you’ve said in this thread, it STILL sounds to me like she’s just waiting for you to make the first move, and she didn’t understand “I really like you” as BEING that first move! Maybe you need to be more plain.
Remember, that as much as you’re afraid to do it, she’s ALSO afraid to do it, and she may be thinking that if she takes “I really like you” to mean “I love you” and acts on that by falling into your arms, kissing you, and saying “Whatever took you SO long?” and THEN finds out that what you really meant was ONLY “I really like you,” she’s going to feel like a fool! And worse, a loser…
You don’t know me, but I’m an acquaintance of Nick. Nick has recently apprised me of a situation which impacts directly upon your good self, and I felt it was only right to inform you of the facts of the matter.
You see, young Nick has come to the realization that he would very much like the current platonic relationship to proceed on an entirely different and, dare I say, more romantic basis; to wit, he would like you to be his main squeeze.
Unfortunately, he has been experiencing some difficulty in expressing this view to you for a number of reasons, chief among them being that he has no wish to jeopardize through rash action the current level of goodwill existing between the two of you. In addition, when in your presence his love-sodden brain tends to exhibit the signs of vocabulary misfunction not uncommon for one in his condition.
In light of this, I thought it best to summarize the position as it stands on his behalf:
Nick loves you madly, and was a fool not to realize it sooner.
He was a bigger fool for not telling you before now.
Hi Opal!
He would be a happy man if the desire for a romantic relationship were reciprocated.
In the extremely unlikely event that the feeling is not mutual, he and I beg you not to take offense, and to communicate this to him with all possible gentleness.
Your kind consideration is appreciated, and I wish the two of you all the best in the future, in whatever form your relationship may take.
Yours sincerely,
etc.
Type that up, Miss Jones, and send it to Jill. What do you mean which Jill? How many can there be?
i emphazised the word “really” when I asked her. I “REALLY” like you—better interpetation? She got the point. And her “huh” was kinda agitated and (i took it as not a positive thing) I’m still waiting for her to call though.
Since I did leave the ball in her court. I’m going to see what she says whenever we talk and go from there.
My personal hypothesis… Jill liked me at one time, and when it seemed like I wasn’t noticing her she decided to “repress” any feelings she had at the time, in order to be able to be a friend and feel comfortable around me. I think I also did the same thing, I tried to deny my feelings for along time telling myself that she was just my friend. Well thats my best guess, but who knows?
-------opinions and suggestions more than welcome-------
That’s entirely possible… and if that IS the case, then it’s up to her to take the risk of exposing herself to possible injury/humiliation. I don’t see much that you can do other than be very honest with her, and let her figure out whether to take that risk or not.
Hay Guys have you forgotten me???
I still need your help, What do I do now? Do I wait (and how long) to call her? Do I let her call me? Once we do talk, if she doesn’t want a relationship, what would be the best way to smooth things over and get it back to us just being friends? (without an weirdness)
I don’t think you’ve told her yet. You may think you did, but you’ve really just been beating around the bush for a long time; maybe years. “I really like you” isn’t much better than that original line “I sure could use a girlfriend” or whatever it was.
Try again. And do it right this time. Don’t worry about having some silly movie line; just tell her how you feel. Yeah it’ll be hard, but you can do it.
Well I went fown to the bar where she works, she wasn’t there. I was hoping she wasn’t, I wanted to talk to Seth and Dianna (her boss & co-worker). They said she never said how she felt about me but they thought she was afraid of losing her best friend and after I left she cried and cried then got really drunk and then Seth and Dianna took care of her the rest of the night.
Seth said he thought Jill didn’t know what she wanted yet. He also quoteded her as saying “he mentioned the other night that he wanted another girlfriend but I had no idea he was talking about me” So in other words I dropped a bomb on her.
I plan on talking to her tomorrow, what I’ll say yet, I don’t know. I’m sure I need to assure here that no matter what she decides to do, that I’ll always be her best friend.
------female advice is really needed-------
(1) what is she thinking
(2) if she is weirded out after we talk tomorrow, what should I do to fix it
(3) how can I assure/show her that I’ll still be her bestfriend
(4) how can I get her to open up and REALLY tell me how she feels
Well, that’s progress of sorts. I’m not female, nor do I play one on television, but I’ll venture some guesses based on my limited experience of such things:
(1) what is she thinking
If she previously was attracted to you, then (as mentioned above) she’s probably quashed those feelings in order to maintain the friendship, and now is probably very confused about what she does feel. That may take a little time to sort out.
(2) if she is weirded out after we talk tomorrow, what should I do to fix it
I’m not sure you can “fix” it, except to be honest with her about how you feel and what you want. And be willing to accept whatever she decides.
(3) how can I assure/show her that I’ll still be her bestfriend
See (2) above.
**(4) how can I get her to open up and REALLY tell me how she feels **
She will when she’s ready. I do recommend not having these conversations at workplaces or at times when one or the other of you has to rush off somewhere.
I can’t promise that all will end up exactly as planned (or desired), but I can say this: communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship of any kind. As long as the two of you are talking, you’re doing okay.
