I’ve been flying under the radar here for about three years. Starting a trend is not exactly a huge risk on my part.
And in my decade on the 'net, the Boba Fett post is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. It’s part of the Usenet tradition of “warlording”, poking fun at elaborate .sig files through devastatingly sarcastic praise.
To add to the repertoire of bear jokes on the thread… here goes another story. But only if you can bear it. ahem
Anyway.
The National Forest Service has issued the following statement:
Due to tough winters in certain parts of the northern and western United States, the bear populations in these areas have been deprived of some of their most common food sources. People planning to take hiking trips this summer must be especially cautious in areas where grizzly bears are known to feed, as the bears may be more likely to attack hikers for a food source. The Forest Service recommends that all hikers wear bells that will create noise as they move and thus scare off grizzlies; we also recommend that hikers carry pepper spray in case the bells are not sufficient warning and you must scare the bear off more agressively.
We realize that in some areas, grizzly bears and black bears may share territory close to one another but may not leave mutually distinguishable marks. If you are unsure which type of bear is living in the area but see dung piles, examine them carefully. Black bear dung is dark brown and will have nutshells and berry seeds visible, while grizzly bear dung is light brown, smells like pepper spray, and has bells in it.
The local Franciscan friary, getting low on funds, decided to raise money by going into business. They built some greenhouses and a showroom, began raising flowers and artfully arranging them and selling them to the public, thus beautifying the area and at the same time bringing in some funds for them.
Unfortunately Hugh the Lunatic, an eccentric resident of the area, took umbrage at what they had done. He came one night to the friary, smashed in the glass walls of the greenhouses, broke into the showroom, and trashed all the flower arrangements, hurled the florist clay and the vases out the window, and vanished into the night.
Next morning the brothers were gathered, looking at the destruction. A U.S. Forest Service came by, transporting Smokey the Bear to a nearby school where he was to give the kids a talk on fire safety. Smokey took one look at the scene, and immediately deduced what had happened.
“Remember,” he said, “only Hugh can stamp out florist friars!”
Oooh! Oooh! Someone tell the one about Sam Clam and Larry Lobster!
I’m not familiar with Usenet, but in ATMB here I had the interesting experience of reading a surreal thread about Mods. relaxing in chaise longues and managing the threads through Waldoes that would lift offensive threads and deposit them in places where they wouldn’t be found – and found it a good occasion to make a play on words on your username. 
SPOZ’s Rant makes me laugh all the time… but then, that may just be me. Warning: might contain what you may consider to be possibly offensive words.
F_X
How about Arthur, one of the low case hitmen in town. He wasn’t getting much work, so he decided to lower his rates for knocking people off. Of course, Arthur didn’t use fancy methods, he strangled his victims. But nobody wanted to hire him. Finally, as a display of his talents, he offed 3 people in one day and advertised this fact to the local mob that he’d do the same for only one measley buck!
Of course, the headlines the next day read:
Artie chokes 3 for a dollar!
These three preachers from adjoining small towns are talking about seeing some of the country. So they decide to go on vacation together. They rent a Motor Home and they and their wives and set off for a sightseeing tour.
They’re coming down a mountain road when a tire blows out and they go over the side. The Motor Home rolls down the mountain side and smashes into some trees. All six of the occupants are killed.
They all show up at the Pearly Gates and are greeted by St. Peter. On hearing that they’re all preachers St. Peter says that there shouldn’t be any problems, but he must check the book first.
St. Peter checks the first preacher’s name and says “I’m sorry but I can’t let you in. You spent your whole life lusting after money.” “But I’ve never had money” says the first preacher. Yes but you lusted after it, why you wouldn’t even get married until you met a girl named Penny.
St. peter tells the next preacher “Well I’m sure there will be no problem with letting you in, but after the last one you see why I must check the book.” After checking the book St. Peter says “I can’t believe it Two in a row. I’m sorry I can’t let you in for you’ve always lusted after drink.” The second preacher pleads “But I’ve never drank” Yes but you lusted after it, why you wouldn’t even get married until you met a girl named Sherry.
At this point the third preacher turns to his wife and says “I think I’m in trouble, Fanny.
If only you knew how close to the truth you really are.
Dear Polycarp,
Since you are so bold to ask, I shall risk boring you with all the sundry Sunday details. This service was held in the Home Church at 1711 Winchester Avenue (like the Mystery House) in San Jose, California. My next door neighbors are fundamentalist Christians who bought their home before I moved into the neighborhood. A few short years later my neighbor’s wife was with child. She went through terrible morning sickness, so I applied my best culinary skills to make her wholesome soups without garlic or onion. One daughter followed another and it became a tradition to always leave them both special Christmas stockings for the Holidays.
Later, I began to leave them Easter baskets with flowers twined on the brim and handle. Recently, when circumstances allowed, I began to leave them Easter baskets made wholly of chocolate. They were some of the only girls in town who could boast of eating their entire Easter gift, basket and all. We are fortunate to have a chocolatier in our neighborhood. As the girls learned to sing and dance they would invite me to see their performances at church. I have always done my best to attend their shows. I know what it is like to never have family see you play, so I vowed to make sure and be in the audience.
In some ways this show was the most disturbing of all. It was a highly polarized display of youth in black, white and red, depicting followers of the Lord and devil or witnesses to Golgotha. For some reason I found it most disconcerting to watch them portray the scourging of Jesus and His crucifixion. The simulated violence and cruelty was equally unexpected as the overdriven electric guitar and walking bass line for some of the gospel. The neighbor girls were glad I attended, and so was I. I’m just not sure what to make of the ceremony. The pastor’s sermon about forgiveness was rather spot-on, except for his neglect of things that cannot be forgiven without the offender’s voluntary seeking of same.
You asked, I told you. I’m just really glad to know there is someone like you who so well-embodies that which I hope to find in Christians everywhere.
Aw . . . .
::sniffle::
{{{{{{Polycarp}}}}}}
My favorite joke:
It seems that Mary Murphy has sadly passed away. She lived a saintly life, and upon arriving at the pearly gates was warmly greeted by St Peter.
“Mary Murphy!! What a blessing it is to have you with us…if there is anything we can do to make your stay better…let us know”…Mary Murphy replied “Why yes there is St Peter. I’ve always had a strong devotion to our Blessed Mother, could you arrange for me to meet her?”
St Peter replied “Of course…I’ll arange for you to meet her in the gardens later this afternoon”.
Later that afternoon, Mary Murphy meets up with Mary, mother of Jesus, in the gardens. The Blessed Mother exclaims “Mary Murphy!! How wonderfull to have you with us…you lived such a holy life on earth. Is there anythin gI can do for you my child?” Mary Murphy replies “Why yes mother…to tell you the truth I’ve always been curious about something concerning you”.
The Blessed Mother responded “yes…my child, what is it?” Mary Murphy asked “Why is it…an ALL of the paintings I’ve ever seen of you, you always have such a serious expression on your face? Why are you never smiling in the paintings?”
The Blessed Mother cautiously looks all around…looks behind her…and then leans in to whisper in Mary Murphy’s ear…
“I really wanted a girl”
what?
iampunha isn’t going to run naked thru this thread?
That might make Poly laugh!
:o 
How does one make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
Jokes like these make the baby Polycarp laugh.
And this, my friends, is why I did not pick vanilla in Poly’s thread. Hmmph:D
[sub]Poly, re: second coming, I hadn’t even thought of that. Thanks for the idea;):D[/sub]
Since you live in ACC country Poly, you might like this…
One time an ACC fan died and went to Heaven. After spending some time there, he started to mope around. St. Peter came across hims and said, “My son, you are in the glorious blessed afterlife. Why do you seem depressed?”
The ACC fan replies “Well St. Peter, I miss watching ACC basketball and I just can’t do without it, even here in Heaven.”
So St. Peter tells him “Oh is that it? Well come right this way my son.” St. Peter leads him to Heaven’s gymnasium, where a bunch of angelic basketball players are shooting hoops. The ACC fan is joyed to see this, and watches for a while. Then he turns to St. Peter and asks, “Say, who are all these guys with F’s on their chests?”
“Those are All-American Forwards,” replies St. Pete.
“What about all those guys with C’s on their chests?”
“Those are All-American Centers.”
“What about that one guy on the side with a G on his chest?”
“Oh, that’s God. He thinks he’s Dean Smith.”
You obviously go to a better class of Dopefest than I do.
Actually, come to think of it, there was a guy at the last Londope I went to who was having nails hammered into his body…oh wait, that was ianzin…
oh punha, EVERYONE knows I’m kidding, especially after that PHOTO online…
You know, vanilla, if the guys won’t run naked through this thread, I suppose it’s up to us ladies (you don’t want to know how I nearly misspelled that word!:o ) to show 'em how it’s done. Heck, if we can materialize a Straight Dope Virtual Hot Tub at the end of it, and if we can materialize Polycarp into it, I might even give dancing through this thread naked a shot, complete with a dive at the end (the Dew Drop Inn, perhaps?).
Here goes!
: Dances naked through thread:
Da-da-da-da da dah!
Da-da-da-da da dah!
Hope you liked the sho-wo-woh!
:Splash!:
CJ