LOCAL BOY FAILS TO GET ‘SIMPSONS’ REFERENCE
Philadelphia, PA-- A local man was in shock yesterday, after his younger cousin, an avid fan of the FOX TV show ‘The Simpsons’ failed to understand a reference he made to the show.
“We were watching some thing on the news about George W. Bush and the reporter made some kind of comment about him. I forget what it was exactly, but after it I said ‘It looks like he’s barking up the wrong… Bush’. I thought that was a pretty clever reference, personally.” says Jack Kilroy (20), a local college student.
But his cousin Mike (13), just didn’t get it.
“I was like ‘Didn’t you ever see the one where George Bush moves in across the street from them?’ He said he did see it, but didn’t remember that line”
Kilroy blames the problem on syndication.
“After doing some intensive research into this field I discovered that while that line was in the original network broadcast, it was cut from the syndicated version so they could cram in more commercials”, Kilroy said.
“They’re selling out our children’s future.” He added.
Representatives from WTXF, the local FOX affiliate which airs both the original and syndicated episodes, have declined to comment. Meanwhile Kilroy is poised to take action.
“Well I was going to, but I have a life, you know.” says Kilroy. “I guess from now on I’m going to have to say original things, instead of ripping off TV shows.”
Original indeed.
LOCAL MAN LEAVES TURN SIGNAL ON
Philadelphia, PA-- Confusion erupted on local roadways this morning when a local man, identified as Frank Dugan (54) left his turn signal on for almost his entire morning commute.
“There I was minding my own business, when out of nowhere this [very] huge Mercury Grand Marquis drives past me with its left blinker on. Now I’m thinking, this [gentleman] is going to get in front of me, but he just kept going in the same lane!” Reports Sarah Finch, a local motorist.
According to police reports, Dugan turned on his left blinker when he changed lanes somewhere near the intersection of Roosevelt Blvd. and Red Lion Rd. Once on, the turn signal remained flashing for approxamately half of his commute to Frazer PA.
Citizen activists are outraged- “This is indicitive of a callous disregard for human life, not to mention the fact that it’s kind of annoying.” Said Jose Ortiz, leader of COATS (Citizens against Over-Active Turn Signals)
“It’s not my fault, that thing’s supposed to shut off automatically when you change lanes.”, says Dugan, “And it’s kind of hard to hear that thing when it’s on.”
MAN POSTS STUPID STORY ON INTERNET ‘ONION’ THREAD
Philadelphia, PA-- A local internet user is under fire tonight for posting two stupid stories on an internet message board.
The trouble started arond 5:30 PM when the man, identified only as Jjoe, uploaded two cheezy parodies of ‘The Onion’ onto the Straight Dope Message Board.
“Oh come on, I thought the first one was kind of funny.” said Jjoe in an e-mail earlier today.
The Internet, or “Hootchieland” as it’s more commonly known, is a world-wide network of computers that was created by Al Gore in 1985 after he invented the cotton gin, discoverd radium, and single-handedly defeated the Legion of Doom.