I guess I should start at the start.
I met my girlfriend almost exactly three years ago. It was around this time of the year (maybe a little earlier) in 2000. She was working right next door to me and I would occasionally stop by her place when I got off and we would goof around and talk for awhile. I never made a move on her though, I had a thing for one of her co-workers. It wasn’t long until her and her co-worker were both gone from that job, and I pretty much never saw her co-worker again. My girlfriend soon got a job at the video store I used to frequent though. We saw each other frequently for the next several months and were always friendly and talkative but it never went beyond that. We never exchanged phone numbers or saw each other outside of work. After awhile she dissapeared from that job and I’ll have to admit that I didn’t give much thought to it, just another girl I occasionally said Hi to that I wouldn’t see anymore.
Soon though, I started driving my friend to the pharmacy to fill his perscriptions and lo and behold, she was working there. We continued our talking and asking about each other for a few weeks but still never saw each other outside of work. Then one day she dropped into my work, presumably seeing me from outside and just wanting to say hey. We talked for 3 or 4 minutes and then she said “You know, we should hang out sometime, here’s my number, give me a call.” Later she admitted that she came to my work that night with the sole intention of giving me her phone number.
It was now late May or early June of 2001.
Now I’m a pretty shy guy, I don’t think I’ve ever really made a move on a girl in my life and I had no intentions of calling this one. My friend, however, saw her number in my car and immediately knew who she was and convinced me to call her. So I worked up the nerve and gave her a call. Her sister answered and said she wasn’t there or something like that. This happened a couple times and then I called once and her sister excitedly proclaimed “She’s not here but she REALLY wants to talk to you so she told me to get your number.”
“Great!” I thought, “she wants to talk to me!”
So she called back and invited me over to her house that night. Little did I know her parents were out of town. I went over and we watched Indiana Jones and had a great time. I think I went over there around 7pm and I didn’t end up leaving until after 4am. We ended up getting hungry and going to the Waffle House. We had an amazing time, a real “first date.” There was no sex or foreplay or even kissing. This was exactly the kind of girl I was looking for! We could talk for hours and never run out of anything to say and she wasn’t just looking for sex.
Well, about a day or two after that (or was it the next day?) she took off for her home town for 3 weeks. I don’t want to get too specific but let’s just say it was on the opposite coast and since we had just started hanging out we had no correspondence during this time.
Of course I figured that was it and basically forgot about her. There was no way she was going to go off for three weeks and then come back here and want to be with me, right? Well it just so happens the day she got back I saw her at a gas station. We ended up hanging out that night and it was awesome. Same thing as the first time: plenty to say, no mention of sex…etc. We had a lot in common.
She met my parents and they immediately fell in love with her. I still hadn’t met her parents and now I was really nervous to meet them because the first words she ever spoke to me about them was “they’re really judgemental and they probably won’t like you.” Great. What a great first thing to tell someone about your parents.
We ended up hanging out every single day after that. Within only a few days it became a normal thing: She would get off work and come straight over to my place and we would sit around and talk or watch movies. It turns out that we’re both movie freaks so that worked out really well. It went on and on like this for about two weeks before we even kissed. She would lean on me or I would put my arm around her while we were watching a movie but we still hadn’t done anything more. One night I was walking her to her car and as we went to hug each other our faces met and we began a long, wonderful kiss. Tongue and everything. I don’t know if she planned it, or initiated it or what. I know I didn’t. I think it just happened.
Of course this one kiss took our relationship to a whole new level. We were still great friends and we still had a ton of things to talk about but there was an undeniable sexual tension between us. We were falling in lust. Luckily we took it really slow. We had both been hurt really bad in past relationships and we didn’t want to rush into anything. She told me pretty much right from the start (and maybe even reminded me a little too often) that she could never love anyone as much as she loved her last boyfriend. I felt kind of weird hearing this but at the same time I was cool with it because I didn’t want to fall in love anyway. “Fuck love!” we would say. We’d been hurt too many times.
But of course love is a stream that will find its own course, and it found us. We were lying on my bed one day and she was trying desperately to pluck my eyebrows. I was giving her heavy resistence, partly to be playful, and partly because I really didn’t want my eyebrows to be plucked.
“All the guys at work will make fun of me if they see my eyebrows plucked” I whined.
“Tell them your girlfriend did it” was her reply.
“Ahhhh, so she’s my girlfriend now?!” I thought, but I didn’t say anything.
If you ask her how our relationship confirmation came about she’ll tell you a similar story, albeit 2 weeks later, when I referred to her as “my girl” while on the phone with a friend.
This is where it gets a little graphic. If you’re under 18, or offended by sexual situations…blah blah blah. The first time we had sex was a disaster. She says to this day that I pressured her into it but I’ll swear with the Universe as my witness that she initiated it. We were lying on the bed making out, doing our usual nightly playing when she mentioned that she had to leave in a few minutes.
“How long does it take you to finish when you have sex?” She coyly said.
“Shit, I don’t know, I guess as long or as quick as I want it to be” I said, rather taken aback and stunned with the question.
“Why? Do you want to go for a test run?” I said jokingly.
To my complete and utter amazement she said “Yea.”
I was so nervous I was shaking. I jumped up and ran to my dresser to grab a condom that had been there for god knows how long and fumbled my way back to the bed. Now I honestly don’t remember too many details about this particular incident (which is weird because I’m not having much trouble remembering anything else) but I do remember that it wasn’t very pleasant. It was probably the worst sex I’d ever had. We were like a couple of kids going at it, having no idea what to do. I think we might have actually been too comfortable with each other by the time we had sex. So comfortable that it made it weird. All I know is that it was really akward and I don’t think either one of us finished.
She was definitely freaked out by it (she has a tendency to “freak out” about things and there is really no better way to describe it) and I found out later that she had intended not to ever talk to me again after that night.
Somehow we ended up talking again very very soon (maybe the next day?) and the sex got better and better (imagine Dave Chappelle - “I got some booty, I got some booty!”) Now one weird thing about this girl was that she would very very rarely initiate sex. When she wanted it she would try to turn it around and tell me that I wanted it. Well I’m a guy and I have no reason to lie to anyone about this so I’ll go ahead and admit that I was just happy to be getting laid. Still, it struck me as strange how she would always turn things around; “you’re horny,” “you wanna have sex, right?”
Well, sex aside, we were young and falling in love. After a few months of blissful unity she started dropping hints that she was falling in love and she wanted me to say it. We would be driving down the road and she would say things like “if you were to die tomorrow, is there anything you would regret not telling anyone?” That’s a pretty lame example I guess but just take my word on this: she was trying to get me to say the magic words. Now these are strong words and have great meaning to me so I wasn’t going to just say them to anyone, I wanted to be sure! I hadn’t told a girl (ok, aside from my mom) that I loved her since the 7th grade. And needless to say, that doesn’t count.
So we’re over at her place one night, having sex, and I am just completely smitten with her. I’m staring into her eyes and I don’t know what came over me but I said it. I looked right at her and said “I love you.” Now this was December of 2001. I waited 6 long months to tell her this and what did she say? Nothing. Not a word came out of her mouth. I couldn’t believe it! So we finished up, got dressed, said our goodnights and as she was letting me out the door (this was about an hour later) she looked at me and said “I love you too.” SCORE! She loves me! I was head over heals. This was the best girl to ever roam the face of the Earth and no one could tell me otherwise.
What followed for the next several months was probably the most blissful time of our relationship. Sex twice a day, love teeming out of each others ears, the works. It was unmistakable, this was the girl for me. It wasn’t very long at all until she told me that her old boyfriend was nothing and she loved me thousands of times more than she ever could have loved him. Once she even told me she loved me more than she loved her mom! I couldn’t believe it, this girl was the real deal! You don’t just say you love someone more than you love your mom if you don’t mean it. I mean, that’s genuine stuff right there.
Well, what goes up, as you all know, must come down. It was now spring of 2002 and our first major fight was approaching. She had a friend coming to visit from back home for 3 weeks in July. Immediately I knew this wasn’t going to be good. Something told me that she was going to ditch me and spend that entire 3 weeks with her friend. Now, spending time with her friend was no big deal. I completely understood that. Hell, when we first started going out I had a friend from Estonia staying with me, but we did stuff together. All three of us would hang out. I never once ditched her or blew her off for my hetero-communist-lifemate. I was afraid she was going to leave me out of her little tea party.
I was pretty vocal about my fears and we discussed it often and she reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. Her friend had never been to a traditional “beach” and we all had plans to go during her visit. It was going to be me, my girlfriend, her friend, and one of my friends. I don’t care much for the beach but I hadn’t been in several years so I was looking forward to going.
Well, fast forward to July. She called me up one Thursday night and said “Yea, so I have to see you tonight because I’m not going to see you for a few days.”
“Uhhh, why’s that?” I inquired.
“Well, my friend is going to be here tomorrow and we’re going to the beach.” She said.
“I can’t go?”
“No, my parents are going” came her reply. Remember I mentioned earlier that she predicted her parents wouldn’t like me? Well, they didn’t.
“I’m not good enough for your parents?” I said, rather frustrated at this whole mess.
“Well, their friends are going”
“Oh, so I’m not good enough for your parents friends?” I was completely dumfounded by this point. I mean, we had plans to go to the beach! Why didn’t I hear about any of this?!
Anyway, we ended up making up on the phone and I came and picked her up but we only ended up getting in more a more vicious fight once we got back to my house. I used to do this thing where, when we got in a fight I would just shut my mouth and stare straight ahead. I didn’t want to say anything when I was mad because I didn’t want to say anything I would regret. Well this burned her ass, REAL good. I really didn’t have any bad intentions with this maneuver, I just honestly didn’t want to yell at the girl. I hate hearing other people yell at each other and I decided at an early age that I wasn’t going to participate in it if I could help it.
Well, needless to say this was a bad tactic. I never used it again after that night but she still won’t forgive me for it. She still brings up how much it hurt when we would be fighting and I would just sit there and “ignore” her. I wasn’t ignoring her, I heard every word she said. I just didn’t reply. Anyway, I learned my lesson from that night and I never played the silent game with her again, I’ve even apologized to her for it several times.
I really don’t remember how we made up but we made up sometime between that night and her beach trip. I mean, we loved each other, of course we made up! So she took off to the beach for three days and I didn’t hear from her the whole time. It was ok though, she hadn’t seen her friend in awhile, so they would get their time alone at the beach and then all three of us would hang out when they got back, right? Yea, I wish.
The day she got back I was calling her house all day. Calling and calling but no answer. Finally I decided to drive over there. They were just pulling up and unloading the SUV. I feigned intrest in her dad’s stupid Model A while she and her friend unpacked upstairs. I tried to be nice to the man, I even blatantly kissed his ass, but it was obivious he hated me.
The situation with her friend being in town got worse and worse. I guess her and her friends made some stupid ass “friends are forever, boyfriends come and go” pact back in the sandbox in Kindergarten and she didn’t want her friend to know we were in love. She told me straight out “we can’t have sex while my friend is in town.”
Now this was just ridiculous. First of all 3 weeks is a damn long time to go without sex just because some weirdo is monopolizing all my girlfriend’s time while seemingly trying to convince her that boys do indeed still have cooties. Second of all, this is coming from a girl who has mounted me no less than three times with multiple friends of mine the THE SAME ROOM! So she can have sex with my friends in the same room but not with her friends in the same State? This was a big deal for me. It seemed like she was using sex as a tool and I was always taught that that was wrong. Meanwhile she has always made me feel guilty about this because I was “pressuring her.”
Now before all this happened there was another little event that happened that summer that really cooked me, just not as much as “The Big One” (aka her friend’s visit.) She went to Florida for two weeks with her parents and they forbade her to bring her cell phone so she couldn’t talk to me. What was their deal? I had never done anything but be completely nice and sincere to them and, most importantly, to their daughter, but for some reason they took to me like a shark takes to an injured seal. It was just underhanded insults and metaphorical pokes in the ribs nonstop from them. She returned from Florida on my birthday and met me at a bar with my parents and a few of my friends late that night. She ended up passing out drunk in the bathroom. Not exactly the birthday sex I was promised but hey, I was happy that she was back in town.
I came close to ending it that summer, but the memory of how good things were was still too strong in my head. Before long we were patching things up and getting back to old times. We continued watching every decent-looking movie we could get our hands on and discussing them at length afterwards and our usual goofy hi-jinks. Ahhh, everything was right in the world again.
Then came her birthday. This was a HUGE one for me. Her parents had promised to take her to this resturant called Big Daddy’s. It was the same thing I had done for her the year before and the only solitary thing she asked for. Well, her parents got invited to an NFL game by their yuppie friends at the last minute and opted to do that instead of fufilling their promise to their daughter.
“Fine,” I thought, “I’ll just take her out.”
We went to the Renaissance Faire and had a great time. I bought her all kinds of little trinkets to wear and we did all kinds of fun stuff and basically had an amazing day. Well, our day was soon cut short. Her parents wanted us to leave early so they could take her to Big Daddy’s. Not in the original plan but ok, whatever. We cut our day short and headed home. It was only about a 25 minute drive from the Faire to her house and she called soon after we left. Her parents weren’t home, perfect. We were almost a half hour early and her parents weren’t even home yet. Then about halfway home her mom calls and I can hear her yelling (as usual) through the phone: “We’re hungry! Where are you?! Hurry up!”
My girlfriend informs her that we will be home in about 10 or 15 minutes and then her mother asks if I’m coming to dinner with us. She says that I am and they get off the phone.
Exactly 11 minutes later, as we’re pulling into her neighborhood, her mom calls and yells “WE’RE TIRED OF WAITING, WE’RE JUST GOING TO ORDER PIZZA!” and hangs up on her.
Well, being the Knight in Shining Armour that I am, I spun the car around and said “Screw it, that’s the one single thing you asked for for your birthday and you’re going to get it. If they won’t take you there then I will.”
Well, she calmed me down and convinced me to drive to her house so she could find out what was wrong with her parents. I drove up there and stood in her kitchen waiting unconfortably for about 5 or 10 minutes while she talked to her dad. As soon as she walked back in I knew what the problem was but I wanted her to say it.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing…”
“Come on, what is it?” I prodded.
“Well, my Dad doesn’t want to go if you’re going.”
I knew it. I always knew her parents hated me and she always denied it but this was my final confirmation. How could he do this? How could he act like such a spoiled brat on his own daughter’s birthday? She should have been able to bring anyone she wanted to that table.
She begged me to stay and eat pizza with them but I told her that I was obviously not welcome in that house. She promised to call as soon as they were done.
Later that night she called and eventually I asked “How was the pizza?”
She paused for a minute and quietly replied “We went to Big Daddy’s.”
What a slap in the face.
I tried not to make TOO big of a deal out of this but how could I not? I had just been humilated to the deepest core of my soul and she just couldn’t see what was so bad about it. I mean, she actually took my side this time (which was a surprise in and of itself) but she just couldn’t comprehend why this was such a big deal to me. I tried to talk to her dad man to man about it but he always hid behind his wife. I would call and she would tell me he wasn’t there, meanwhile I knew full well he was. My girlfriend would tell me that he would think it was disrespectful if I talked to him because he didn’t consider me a man. What a horrible, low-down insult.
That was the first week of October. Our relationship was going pretty good but I was absolutely not included in any family events of hers whatsoever. She didn’t even call on Thanksgiving or Christmas even though I invited her over and begged her to at least call.
TO BE CONTINUED . . .
