Massively depressed, weird-ass doper

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Can anyone help? I’m seriously depressed, involved in a strange, ‘not-affectionate-enough’ relationshipn and I need some perking up.

I’m ordinarly a happy, vibrant person, but I find myself slipping into depression over stupid things, having trouble with interpersonal relationships, bored with my work.

Is there anything I can do to re-vamp my life? Maybe not the specifics of my life, so much as how I approach them and what they mean to me.

I need a philosophical genius to put things in perspective. I need to stop doing so many things to AVOID my life and more things to fix it.

Suggestions…even harsh ones…very welcome.

L

2

Can you be more specific on your problems; ie, what do you want changed.

I’ve always found that when I get the blues, or are in a funk, I can get out of it by setting small goals (that lead to bigger ones). Once I accomplish the smaller goal, I have a sense of accomplishment.
Example time:

I was in a funk. Bluer than a smurf. So I decided that I should lose some weight, which I did-slowly at first.

After a while I was very proud of myself and I had accomplished a great deal.

3

Thinking is hard—it hurts you everywhere, your head and your heart and your stomach. You don’t sound happy and you want something to change. You are the only one who knows what can change, so you need to think. You know what—you said you’re avoiding your life. The pain of avoiding is overcoming the fear of change, so stop avoiding, think, and then act. It’ll hurt, but you’re hurting anyhow. You can’t avoid your life but you can change it.
Cyn, who is not a philisophical genius but who has had therapy and knows about pain and change.

4

Oh, thanks! This is the kind of advice I need…nothing sugar-coated, just some encouragement and open comments about what I’m avoiding.

I’m in a “weird” relationship. It’s unaffectionate…not what I want. I spend all this time trying to MAKE it into what I want. And in my defense, sometimes that seems possible…sometimes I have the participation of my partner in making this happen. But other times, it’s clear to me that this is JUST NOT IT. Know what I mean?

And for some reason, my personal relationships seem to take over my life. I don’t think of it as PART of my life, but as the CENTER…the place I go off into the world from.

I’m also thinking about a career change. I make decent money, but my work is seriously boring me. It’s tedious and I have to force myself to go every day. It’s hard for me to pinpoint whether I just need a vacation so that I can come back and appreciate it more, or whether I need a serious career change. And what else can I DO besides write?

As depressed as I sound, I’ve established a business account for a knitting store…called Twisted Stitches. One of my real passions/obsessions in life. So it’s not like I’m completely laying in bed while my life swirls down the toilet. I just don’t feel like I’m ACTING on it in the way I’d like. Or like progress is being made at a speed sufficient to pull me out of depression.

Seriously, thanks for the advice.

L

5

The very fact that you mention that you’ve opened a business account indicates that you really know what you want to do.

This is in line with setting goals. Make a list of the things that you would have to do to make Twisted Stitches a reality. Then take the next step, however small. See how it feels. If it pleases you, take the next step. At some point it will become scarey, but that’s okay. It’s good to do things that scare us from time to time.

I can’t think of anything more fulfilling than being creative. Your shop would certainly require that of you.

A word of caution – If you start to lose or gain weight, have a change in your sleeping habits (too much or too little sleep), or start to have feelings of hopelessness – and this pattern continues for a couple of weeks – you might want to see a physician. Untreated clinical depression can wipe out your ability to think straight.

But it sounds like you are having growing pains. Take advantage of it!

Above all, don’t be hard on yourself for being in a funk.

6

This is kind of vague, but there’s a book I’ve owned all my life that’s got some good thoughts on just about every area of life. It has helped me get through some tough times. Thought you might find it interesting.
“The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran
http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html

7

**

**

yep.

Question: why bother to stay in it, putting a degree of effort into it when you said at the end, it’s clear this isn’t what you want? This could well be a contributing factor as to why you’re feeling grotty?

Seems to me that when something is out of whack in one aspect of our lives, the domino effect is sure to follow: you (generic) look to other areas of your life and become fed up with them also - work, family, money worries etc. it becomes a vicious circle.

Life’s way too short settling for something that is second best. Don’t you owe it to yourself to not do that? :wink:

Craft idea sounds great - best of luck with it.

8

PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY. SUDDEN MASSIVE DEPRESSION CAN BE AN INDICATOR OF SERIOUS ILLNESS. If you have clinical depression, there are many effective treatments for both temporary and long term conditions with few to no adverse side effects.

9

Yes, I should see my doctor. I neglected to mention (not for any real reason) that I am already ON anti-depressants. I’ve had good luck with them in the past, but maybe I need a med check.

The thing is, it’s always difficult for me to determine whether I have a REASON to be depressed or whether I need medication. I mean, there’s nothing out of the ordinary about being blue when you’re aunt dies (she did, yesterday) or when your relationship isn’t going the way you’d like. At what point do I decide it’s “DEPRESSION” as opposed to “normal reaction”?

You guys have good suggestions!

10

Along the lines of Meatros’ suggestion, I find that changing something helps. Taking a class, going to a museum during my lunch hour once a week, walking during my lunch hours, trying a new craft, taking a new kind of exercise class…

And of course, counseling always helps. I feel sorry for people who think that only crazy people see counselors. Having someone unbiased just listen for one hour a week… Instead of the counselor solving my problems, I sometimes end up solving my own because talking out loud about them helps me come up with solutions.

Anyway, big hugs, SexyWriter!

11

I think this is from Sphere:[ul]If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something else. [/ul] This may not be as profound as I’d wanted it to be, and I’m certainly not qualified to offer you any guidance. I wish you the best in getting your life on an even keel.

12

SW-
It sounds as if you need to “fish or cut bait” with the relationship. It’s really damn hard to change people, so you need to decide if your partner’s quirks/issues are things you can overlook, or are things you cannot. If not, then you need out. Love should make you feel better about yourself, not worse.

And make the change in your professional life, as well. I think that the things I regret most are the risks I didn’t take.

(Of course, this caveat applies- if you don’t have the financial/support system necessary to fall back upon should the venture go under, then think long and hard about it.)

13

You might be one of the Winter Depression types. You have no location in your profile, but I find that as the days get a little colder and greyer I feel a little depressed, even when things seem to be going fine.

You mention that you’re on anti-depressants, and that you’ve seen your doctor, but are you receiving any counseling? If not, why?

If your relationship isn’t giving you what you want, you should probably re-evaluate it. Many times depression is cause by a lack of communication. Not in the “nobody ever talks to me” way, but in the “I don’t feel I can open up to someone” way. Counseling may help this.

I hope you’re better. If you just want someone to chat with in general, feel free to send me an e-mail.

14

I still don’t really know what you mean by a “not affectionate enough” relationship, unless you are both just sorta-kinda f-buddies and you want it to go further and he doesn’t. Stop settling. If a woman is single, intelligent, reasonably attractive and personable there are tons of “affectionate enough” matches out there.

A determined woman is a formidable force. It’s always depressing to see your less intelligent, more manipulative friends and peers walk away with all the good catches. Possibly your wiles are a bit out of shape. Put down the knitting and go buy a fabulous new outfit with a little black skirt. Get a new haircut. Your old one was OK but it’s time to get something more sophisticated.

Many men only truly value what they have to work for. Don’t sell yourself short. Assuming you’re not a psycho super clingy type and he’s still not willing to make some sort of emotional effort to connect with you, and you have made it clear that is what you want it’s time to move on. Donlt waste time in a relationship that is going nowhere. It’s one commodity no one can afford to waste.

15

Amen, sister. I have a friend right now who seems to want to complain about her life, but doesn’t really want to change it. Don’t get me wrong. I think we all go through periods in which we need to lament our fates, but eventually we have to do something! This friend has been whining for MONTHS.

Do something different, change your life, take a chance or nothing will change!

16

No matter how depressed or angry I am, if I can make myself laugh for a while, I’ll feel infinitely better afterward. It might not directly solve anything, but it sure helps give me a little strength to do the things I know need to be done. If I can find a web site full of jokes that appeal to my sense of humor I’ll feel a lot more like confronting my life when I’m done reading and laughing.

17

You must talk about the relationship with your S.O. and let him know what is happening and how you are feeling. After a mutual discussion of what your relationship is and where it is heading, you should be able to deterimine if it is time to leave, or if it is something to work on.

I’m not a big fan of just getting the f- out, once things don’t go as they should. Communication is the key! Hopefully once this is resolved, some of your other issues will appear clearer as well.

18

Yeah! Two things I can semi-intelligently discuss:

Depression and stuck in a rut mode.

Being that I haven’t been in the work for for nearly five years, I know what it is like to be a slave to the wage, a member of the walking dead zombie brigade ™.

I liked what I did, but it was frustrating and not really challenging and I got from alot of different sources ( friends, clients, family) I was wasting my talents in a dead end job.

I was too afraid to try something new and the fear of what-if-I-don’t-like-it-or-it-doesn’t-work-out-and-I-have-to-crawl-back-to-my-old-job-and-be perceived-as-a-bigger-failure-than-before-I-left-so-I’ll-just-stay-on-my-comfort-zone-even-though-I-am-decaying-on-the-inside. Whhooooo doggy, that is a fun ride down a bannister to the depths of mental hell, I’ll tell you!

So, having *been there and done that * and wondering why in the hell was I so gutless, brainless and a host of other thoughts, I look back with 20/10 vision and realize I wasted a boat load of my life resenting things. Oh, i liked what I did, but my bosses were idiots. Our accountant was a drama-queen. Most of the staff didn’t pull their own weight, etc. ( I was hardly Miss Perfect, but when two people in the office bring in more $ than the rest of the workers, something is seriously screwed.)

So, If I could join the real world again ( and I probably will in the next couple of years) I will tell you - my close personal friends - I will take a job that I enjoy first, like the people second and the money and bennies third. ( I have a cushion with a husband that is an excellent provider.) I will probably work at ( now don’t laugh) Blockbuster or the grocery store because, frankly, I am never taking work home with me again, and I am talking about the mental baggage crapola. It is just not worth it.

That said, here are some of my favorite motivators:

**Ask yourself what you want in life.

  1. What do I want?

  2. What must I do to have it?

  3. How will it make me feel when I have it?

  4. So , what I really want to feel is_________?

( From O! Oprah’s Magazine)

*** We are all pilgrims on the same journey - but some pilgrims have better road maps. *

  • The value of an experiment is not determinded on how much it cost. It is determined on how much you learned. * - Mort Crim

And the immortal: ** It’s not getting smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity and make it work for you.** - Frank Zappa.

19

Can you get away? Go somewhere nice, for about two weeks if you can. It’s the least you can do for yourself. And if I were you, I’d break up the weird relationship before you go. I am a fan of getting the f- out when things don’t go as they should, as rubes put it.

Not cutting and running at the first sign of trouble, just recognizing when something is no longer worth the effort, IMHO.

20

I’ll add just a little. Your anti-depressant may be affecting your health. Maybe. My psychiatrist suggested to me that my anti-depressant (Serzone – a serotonin booster) has been associated with liver trouble in a small number of cases. Perhaps you could discuss this with your own doctor?

Good luck with the relationship. I like the “talk it over” route.