Yup. Baggage. Perhaps a full trailer.
I had a woman tell me she wasn’t sure about dating me because I didn’t have enough close friends. :eek:
This from someone who admited to being a cold fish until undergoing a recent life altering experience (oooo…mysterious…) :rolleyes: which made her realize she needed to change. Yeah sure lady; Leopards don’t change their spots honey!
On the bright side… I may have my first official stalker. :eek: 
Email me and I’ll send you her profile. 
Yeah, that is kind of weird that he isn’t being more aggressive about pursuing you if he’s truly interested. I don’t blame you for being frustrated with him!
On the other hand, some people are kind of lazy about answering emails. In fact, I must admit I have an email from an OkCupid person waiting for a reply right at this very moment (and yes I have logged onto the site since then). It’s not that I don’t like the dude (not head over heels for him, but I would certainly like to meet him and see how it goes). It’s just that it’s kind of hard sometimes to find the motivation to sit down and write a reply, especially if it’s a long email.
So, I guess if I were you, I might call him just to see if the chemistry is any better on the phone. If he still didn’t make a move after the phone call, then I would definitely write him off.
Sounds like he’s not that interested. If he decides he is, he’ll get back to you.
twicks, who’s glad she finally found Mr. Right on one of these damn sites and doesn’t have to go through this BS any more.
Yeah, there are a lot of people who’ll reply, then find someone else interesting and follow that up, only to have nothing happen and try going back to the first one…
Some people do that with regular real-world dating too, but it’s easier on these sites, where you have so many people to write to and investigate, and you have the internet between you. That dissociation makes it easier to just ignore people who you’d usually at least be civil to in real life.
But I’m all about OKCupid. I found my man there and even though we’re 500 miles apart until I can finish school, we’re both ridiculously happy.
Don’t give up yet, Misnomer. There’s gold in that mud!
OK, I can’t remember where I read it, and I’ll probably botch it, but a good piece of advice I saw go by was, “A mixed signal is really a clear signal that this isn;'t right for you.”
Whatever the reason is, this guy is not in the same space as you (mentally, emotionally, whatever) and that’s been made clear. Drop him and keep looking for someone who is in the same space.
…aaaaand, of course, I just got an e-mail from him: “I’m not usually this bad of a correspondent, but I’ve been enjoying this free fall decompression the last couple of days and I’m in full cocoon mode.” I don’t know what kind of cocoon involves spending time on a dating site yet not sending e-mail, but whatever. We work in the same town, and he’s proposed getting together for a drink after work one day (this week, I’m assuming). I’ll accept, just because I think I’ll always wonder about him if I don’t, but I must say he hasn’t impressed me much so far. It figures that I’d hear from him mere hours after writing him off. I guess we’ll see how the drinks go.
Stupid dating. :mad:
Actually, in all fairness to the metaphor, people are not leopards, and most do not have spots. There are events which can significantly change one’s perspective and habits overnight. Of course, pointing to such an event to convince others to ignore previous habits and to curry support for “the new way” smacks of fraud.
Oh…the OP? Uh, no matter what this guy’s story is, he’s already a tease & a shopper in your mind. Why bother with him further?
Uh, no he isn’t: those are traits that other posters ascribed to him. I merely claimed confusion and frustration. You know, a single girl’s most common emotions. 
Like I said, I think I’ll always wonder about him if I don’t. Until he dropped off the face of the earth the second time we seemed to be “getting along” pretty well, and I love that he makes a living as a musician and actor and theater critic (and handyman and part-time consultant, but it’s the first three that drew me to him). He also seems kind of cute for a guy his age (and by that I only mean that he looks his age), so I figure it can’t hurt to at least meet him. I’d probably be within rights to cut him off at this point, but that’s just not my style.
And we all know how far my style has gotten me…
I think you’re A: Expecting way too much from a person you’ve barely corresponded with at all, and B: Wanting to meet in person way too soon.
Play it cool babe. If he likes what he sees/reads he’ll be in touch. If not you can’t force it.
Sounds like a normal guy to me. Just let things happen (or not) as they will.
It’s tough being a guy, women are constantly analyzing every move you make for hidden meaning, when there usually isn’t any. We really aren’t that clever.
If we don’t write for a day or two, you think we’re disinterested.
If we do write everyday then you think we’re needy and clingy.
How can we win?
Yeah but now it’s like everyone in town waits two days. I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
I’m not dating or anything but if I was into that online stuf, I think I would probably want to meet face to face as soon as possible. But that’s just me.
2 days? 3 days? Not hearing back in this time period means that he’s a slacker and a tease?
Gah! I’m glad I’m not in the dating scene. I go that long before answering my grandmother’s phone calls, some times.
I spend all day at work at the beck and call of anyone that wants to call/email/fax/stop by. I often have hours or less to provide answers. I can totally see not wanting to be under the same pressure at home. Signing onto a site and looking at profiles is non-demanding. Answering an email in a manor that let’s my sterling character and sparkling wit shine is another story.
Give the guy a break, and a few days.
Continued correspondence is too much to expect? :dubious:
Meeting in person is what it’s all about … why put it off? I would have met him over the weekend if he’d been available, and he agrees that he likes to get the meeting part over with sooner rather than later. I’ve been patient with guys who needed time before meeting, but I’d always prefer to meet someone right away.
Did you read the whole thread? He has been in touch – twice today, actually, as there was a reply to my reply waiting for me when I got home. We’re meeting for a drink tomorrow.
It’s dating that’s tough, no matter what sex you are.
Personally, I never would have thought “needy” or “clingy” if he’d written every day: I kind of expected him to write every day until we got the meeting set up. The last two guys I was writing to both signaled their disinterest by suddenly not writing anymore … how was I to know if things were different this time unless he told me?
LOL.
Me – and this guy – too.
I don’t think this means much. Someone might have a few minutes to log on to OKCupid, but feel they can’t spare the 30 minutes it takes to compose a proper reply. I’ve been there.
So it’s tomorrow night then? Good luck Misnomer hope you have fun!
I know this isn’t what you want to hear, Misnomer, but you’re coming on way too strong, IMHO. Why are you getting so upset over a guy you just met? And haven’t even met in person? Let me tell you the sexiest thing about women: confidence. It’s really quite annoying (again, this is just my opinion) when a woman (I’m not being sexist… I’m sure it’s annoying to women when men do this) constantly wonders why they don’t hear from the other person and… well, I don’t want to say “badgers them” in your case, but it seems like that’s where it’s headed.
As control-z said, just play it cool. If it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen, but give the guy some space and some leeway, for gosh sake.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put off replying because I couldn’t think of what to say. Maybe it’s just as simple as that. Sometimes I let mail sit in my Okcupid inbox unreplied and I just click around or go take a test or something like that. Would it bother you as much if you didn’t know he’d been on the site? It’s annoying, but maybe it is just what he says it is.
Leave your number Mis. I’ll call at 8:00pm. The code phrase will be, “I’ve left the file on Cecil’s desk” if things aren’t going well. You can then make an excuse about some kind of work emergency and rush out with a plausable excuse.
Have fun kiddo!
OK! Everyone jumping on the “back off” bandwagon: read the whole thread again.
Yes, I sent him an e-mail after the first period of silence, but THAT’S ALL. Yes, in that e-mail I suggested meeting (which I’ll never apologize for, because wanting to meet right away is just part of who I am), but I also made it clear that if he wasn’t ready for that step – or if he simply wasn’t interested anymore – that was cool. I love how everyone’s ready to jump on me for being “aggressive” when not a single one of you knows what he was writing to me. Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt. :rolleyes:
What did I do after this last, longer period of silence? Nada. Zip. Zilch. Except come here and vent a little, but obviously something in my OP went horribly wrong because I’m getting misunderstood and mis-paraphrased left and right.
He wrote to me today and suggested meeting for a drink after work – all by himself. I hadn’t written, I hadn’t called, I hadn’t done anything since replying to his last e-mail on Sunday. I have happily agreed to meet him, so obviously I don’t really care about the whole “logged in to OKCupid but not writing back” thing (boy, do I ever regret mentioning that; did not come across at all like it sounded in my head). And how silly of me to think that people would stop saying “if he’s interested, you’ll hear from him” after I posted that I did, in fact, hear from him.
So, someone please tell me: exactly how am I “badgering” this guy, or not giving him “space” or “leeway?”
(For those who have been supportive, thanks. I’m sure I’ll provide a post-mortem tomorrow night … it’s the SDMB way! ;))
Hey, if you can’t pass judgement over someone you’ve never met and know only by a few comments on a message board, who can you pass judgement over? :dubious:
G’luck to you tomorrow night, Mis. I mean that in all sorts of ways.
Stranger