And the Devil said, “Let’s put the alphabet in arithmetic!”
She was popular around the stables; all the horse men knew her.
Vocabulary 01
Heroes - What a guy in a boat does.
Left bank - What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
The Canadian two dollar coin has the queen on one side with a bear behind.
Ignoranus (n)
a real dumb ass.
Vocabulary 01
Misty - How golfers create divots
Paradox - Two physicians
Another true-life joke…
When we were little kids, we used to swim in this local public swimming pool. And one time, my cousin came out of the water, his eyes swollen red, complaining ‘That damn chlorine!’ to which I replied, ‘Chlorine? Who’s she?’
I think my mother at least thought that was funny. 
What’s invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts
Vocabulary 01 (I feel better)
Parasites - What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
Pharmacist - A helper on the farm
What’s the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?
Ukrainians defend their Capitol.
Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts?
He doesn’t want to be spotted.
I passed by a building made entirely of keilbasa.
Never sausage a place before.
Vocabulary 01
Polarize - What penguins and white bears see with.
Primate - Remove your spouse from in front of the tv.
Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.
This is on Facebook for those who only shower periodically.
From Facebook…
A homeowner hears a knock at his front door one evening and answers it. Outside he sees three very pale men in formal wear.
The leader says: May we speak with you about the glories of Dracula?
Homeowner: What? Are those pamphlets?
Leader: Yes, we’d like to encourage you to join us because…
Homeowner: Wow, I never heard of missionaries for Dracula.
Leader: How do you think we get more members?
Homeowner: Well, I thought you just bit people.
Leader: There are many hurtful stereotypes. May we come in?
Happy Birthday, Georges Seurat!
I wish I could remember why he’s famous but my knowledge of his work is a little spotty.
Happy Birthday, Frank Zamboni
A revolutionary inventor, despite being dead for almost 40 years, his name still resurfaces.
What do you call a circle of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins!
I think you’re missing the point.
Wilbur was a fine art lover but his wife Kay found art boring. One day he asks her to go to an 18th Century Impressionism exhibition at the local art museum with him.
“Do I have to, Wilby?”
“Come on Kay, give it a chance, you might actually enjoy it.”
Wilbur sees a painting by his favorite artist Georges Seurat and excitedly exclaims to his wife: “Kay, Seurat, Seurat!”
“Whatever, Wilby, Wilby.”
18th century?
Whatever, solost, solost.
Ugh, what an art brain fart. Also, not to put too fine a point on it, he was a Post-Impressionist, not an Impressionist.
Why did the three artists get stranded? They had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
More Vocabulary 101
Decaffeinated - A cow that has just given birth.
A flat-chested young lady
read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery.
So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, “Every day after your shower, rub your chest and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want bigger boobies!”
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew to a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning when she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle on the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, “Are you a patient of Dr. Bumbutu?”
“Yes I am…how did you know?”
He winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…”
What would two termites order at a restaurant?
Table for 2
I gave my seat to a blind person on a bus.
That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.