Boris: You know Chess?
Norris: No, Judo
…while the people are still in them.
She has a great sense of tumor.
Two termites walk into a pub and said “is the bar tender here?”
I told her “it’s not what it looks like”.
And I’ll tell it to you for $5.99.
It has not aged well.
The bartender yells, “Hey, what’s this a joke? We don’t serve jokes here. Get out!”
And they leave.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into the bar.
The bartender yells, “Hey, what’s this a joke? We don’t serve jokes here. Get out!”
And they leave.
A chicken walks into the bar.
The bartender yells, “Hey, what’s this a joke? We don’t serve jokes here. Get out!”
The chicken asks, "Well,do you know of any bar that does serve jokes?
The bartender replies, “Yeah. Just across the road.”
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
(Children’s joke:)
How do you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter.
I went by a home furnishings store today and it had a sign saying “Cast iron sinks”.
I don’t know why the sign had to proclaim it. I thought everybody knew that.
https://ifunny.co/picture/can-i-call-you-back-t-m-shaving-my-privates-PM1LCkeK7
I shared on Facebook, then added a photo of Fleetwood Mac. “Another way…”
Prosthetic limbs are very expensive.
They cost an arm and a leg.
This one?
That’s the one!
Those who jump off bridges in Paris are in Seine!
Because rear defroster was already taken.
Pride always cometh before the fall.
I’ve only got 40 lbs. to go
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
When you pull them out of your backpack suddenly everyone at school wants to be your friend.
She said, “You are not buying a motorcycle. My brother, your uncle who you never met, died in a horrible motorcycle accident. You can have his bike.”
is such a first world problem.
Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.
For Moses he knowses his toeses aren’t roses, like Moses supposes he toeses to be.
It’s hard to say…
I replied, “No, it doesn’t”.
Too bad I’m a vampire.
True story: I remember as a kid my mom reading a magazine or newspaper and saying to my dad “it says here nothing rhymes with orange”. To which my dad, without missing a beat, said “door hinge”. Not a perfect rhyme, but to this day I think it was a pretty clever answer.
Eating an orange
While making love
Makes for bizarre enj-
Oyment thereof.
–Tom Lehrer
Roses are red
Violets are purple
Sugar is sweet
And so is maple surple.
My wife and I lived happily for 25 years, then we met.
My dad made the same claim, late 1960s.
mmm