@Railer13 I didn’t get that one. Explain, please 
?
EDIT: “Ian” (did I read that right ?)
ian
“magician” - “magic” = “ian”
I once saw a blind man
and asked him how he went blind.
He said “I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident.
She didn’t tell me that they were pierced.”
Did you hear about the guy that quit his job at a pillow-stuffing factory?
He said he was fed up with feeling down…
Treadmill sellers are stiff competitors.
They give you a run for your money.
Another:
Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery and start sampling the product. Daffy says, “Is this whiskey?” Elmer replies, “Vewwy, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank!”
This fails the humor test. The two would not be co-conspiriters
Me too! @Prof.Pepperwinkle, can you tell the one about absolute zero?
I might have known someone would demand proof.
“Well actuwwy, I think this whiskey is one hundwed pwoof!”
Why will the American people never convert to the metric system?
Because they’ll never accept a foreign ruler.
What happened to the handy man when he lost his hands?
He became an army man.
A dad was washing his car with his son.
“Why can’t you use a towel or sponge like other people?” asked his wife.
The Russians bombed a cemetery yesterday.
There were no survivors
True version of this joke.
I have a friend who transitioned. She says her only regret is the pockets.
My daughter was born this morning, July 4th.
It’s the day I lost my independence.
This is ridiculous. It’s July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
Not everyone has the day off for the 4th of July…
Fire works.
One of my books just had a four-star review!
The reviewer said “This book is ****”.
I always wanted to be a millionaire just like my dad.
He wasn’t a millionaire, he just wanted to be one.
I asked 100 women what their favorite shampoo was. The top response was…
What are you doing in my bathroom?!
What’s the advantage of a poor memory?
You’ll find all my jokes funny.
Whoever decided to call it Dentures…
Really missed the opportunity to call it Substitooths.
How does a vulva order her eggs?
Ovaries-y
It’s actually wonderful having Alzheimers.
You meet new people every day.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
Hey! You stole my thunder.
To prevent theft the Declaration of Independence is now locked
in a Nicolas Cage.
Why aren’t there any Independence Day knock knock jokes?
'Cause freedom *rings*.
Actually, there are 3 great things about having Alzheimers.
- You meeet new people every day (got that),
- You always hear new jokes and,
- Ummmm … just give me a second …
An old joke… And you can hide your own Easter eggs.
Or gift wrap your own presents.
There’s always a new Agatha Christie novel.