Yes, it is. My proofreading skills are lacking.
Thanks.
The inventor of the wind chill factor died this week.
He was 86 but felt more like he was 64.
Bob said to Bill, “So you were going to propose to Lisa yesterday evening. Are congratulations in order?”
Bill said, “Not yet. They’ll have to wait.”
Bob asked, “How long?”
“It could be a while,” replied Bill, “she said I’m the last person she’ll marry.”
How much does it cost a small middle eastern country to host the World Cup?
A Qatar of a trillion
Paul Siple died in 1968 (a month shy of his 60th birthday), and Charles Passel died in 2002 (aged 87).
Just sayin’.
I love this about this board.
Frosty the snowman was spotted at the local grocery store
He was caught picking his nose in the produce section.
And he didn’t carrot all.
Why didn’t Lassie have to save Timmy on Christmas Day?
No well
Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire?
They left it too close to the gaslight.
Looking Good
My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn’t dirty. The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn.
I think I might never put my glasses back on.
A teacher asked…
A teacher asked Johnny, “You what does a chicken give us?”
Johnny replied, “eggs.”
“Very good, Johnny. Jessica, what does a sheep give us?”
“Wool.”
“Very good, Jessica. Robbie, what does a cow give us?”
“Homework.”
Apparently Robbie has his own seat in the principal’s office.
Paul: “So lads, any idea how we’re gonna end ‘Hey Jude’”?
John: Nah.
George: Nah.
Ringo: Nah.
God creates the Frog.
Frog: What am I?
God: You are an amphibian.
Frog: What’s that?
God: That’s a creature that can live in the water or on land.
Frog: Oh, I’m a mermaid.
God: Uhh, that’s not…
Frog: (whispering) I’m the littlest mermaid.
One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fresh fruit from the nearby trees.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned, "I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked:’ Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m just here to feed the alligator!”
… At the circus, the lion tamer strolls into the caged ring where there’s one huge lion. The brave tamer says to the audience, “Watch this.” He then walked up to the lion, opened its mouth and stuck his willy right in, then he slapped the lion on the head really hard and slowly removed his ‘boy bit’. Well the audience was very impressed, much applause and shouts of delight.
… “Now then, if there’s anyone out in the audience thinks they can do that, I’ll give them $500, any takers?” A little old man stood up and said, “Yes I’ll give it a go.” The audience went wild. “Okay,” says the lion tamer, come into the cage with me. You’re very brave to give that a go, are you afraid?” And the little old man said, “No not really, just as long as you don’t slap me as hard as you slapped that lion."
That reminds me of the old joke about the two winos walking down the street when they pass an alleyway and see a dog sitting there licking himself.
The first wino says “Man, I wish I could do that.”
The second wino says “I don’t know… Maybe you should just pet him first.”
“Is this a good vacuum?”
“Well, it doesn’t suck.”
Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they make the toys.
What’s the difference between Santa Claus and the Krampus?
Santa comes once a year and loves everyone, the Krampus comes once a month and hates women.
What do you call a person who doesn’t believe in Santa Clause?
Eggnog-stic.
Why did Roy Rogers buy a Dachshund?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.
What is similar about Christmas and tornado season?
You have a tree in your living room.
The insomniacs are getting all excited.
Only 2 more sleeps till Christmas.
Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day
your body rejected the transplant and you died.
So there’s no joke? I’ve been wondering about this for months! So why is it in this thread?
Aw, man, I want my months of brain-busting time back…
The joke (for what it’s worth) was the Comment. Anyone who’s seen very many horror movies knows what the consequences of that action would be.
read this one on Facebook earlier
A little old lady was working on a puzzle and after being stumped for a while decides to call a neighbor to help
So he neighbor comes over and sees her sitting at the table and says "so what’s this supposed to be a picture of?
“a rooster,” she says
he looks at the box and then the pieces and sighs he then says
"well what we’re gonna do is first enjoy a nice pot of tea and then put all the cornflakes back in the box "
Q: What is a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer?
A: Comet.
Kid: Santa, what’s the story of your reindeer names?
Santa: Why I name them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow!
Kid: What about Donner?
A dark countenance settles on Santa’s face
Santa: The year was 1847, snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada…
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?
Nothing! It’s on the house!