Q. What is Irish and sits outside your house all summer long?
A. Paddy O’Furniture.
Why does Irish chili have only 239 beans in it?
Because one more would make it too farty.
_______
What’s more Irish than potatoes?
No potatoes.
________
Did you hear about the Irish boomerang?
It doesn’t come back, it just keeps singing about how much it wants to.
So… Irish jokes are OK?
Yes.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(hey, you asked)
My background’s about a third Irish and half English. So, yeah.
I’d heard the “more Irish than potatoes” one before, but the boomerang was a new one for me. And I laughed out loud.
(and if anyone’s worried about offense, I should also mention that I just spent twelve hours working in the kitchen at my church’s St. Patrick’s Day events).
What?
Three Oxford dons were standing in the high street, discussing their love for collective nouns, when the youngest one directed their attention to three ladies of the evening walking their way. “Look there,” he said. “I do believe that I espy a trey of tarts!”
The next oldest clucked dismissively. “I think you mean ‘a fanfare of strumpets.’”
The oldest shook his head in disappointment. “I’m surprised that neither of you gentlemen recognize an anthology of English pros when you see one.”
Thieves broke into my shop and stole 15 cases of Red Bull.
I don’t know how they sleep at night.
Where does a Viking clown go after he dies?
To ValHaHa.
What do you call it when a Furry says he’s sorry?
An anthropology.
I got the award for Shoplifter of the Year 2022!
I didn’t win it…
My wife woke up with a big smile on her face…
and I’m not allowed to bring Sharpies to bed anymore.
Neither did Conor.
:rimshot:
I saw a guy with March Madness teeth the other day.
Down to his final four.
What did March say to the Madness?
What’s all that bracket?
Why do basketball players love Oreos?
'Cause they can dunk them.
Why did Jesus lose the basketball game?
Because Peter denied him three times. And he got crossed up.
When a basketball player never misses a shot, he’s a “god”…
When I never miss a shot, I’m an “alchoholic”.
Why don’t basketball players go on vacation?
They’re not allowed to travel.
A man was charged with stealing the mobile library.
He pleaded not guilty as he returned it within three weeks.
Did you hear they’ve made an Artificially Intelligent Oreo?
That’s one smart cookie.
Humans are being tested against AI in every category, and in every category they fail.
The last category is hunting.
The humans spread out, but are captured by the AI-driven robots in little time.
However, someone frees the humans, and they are allowed to try again.
This time the humans escape.
AI can’t Recaptcha.
Scientist predict AI will reach human intelligence by 2040.
Maybe sooner if the bar keeps dropping.
How do trees feel in the Spring?
Releaved.
Spring is nature’s way of saying: “Let’s Party!”
– Robin Williams
There’s some speculation as to whether the AI Oreo is conscious / self-aware or not, but the answer is just not that black and white.
I think somebody ate the evidence.
Even before that, it wasn’t exactly a slam dunk.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What’s Jesus’ Myers-Briggs personality type?
INRI
I went to the used car dealer and bought the only thing I could afford, the Rolls-Canardly
It rolls down one hill and canardly make it up the next.
Is it all right to ignore dumplings in my Chinese takeout?
Or will I be charged with won ton neglect?
The Invisible Man has a warrant out for his arrest.
The charge is “Failure to appear”.