My sister who works at an upholstery factory fell into one of the machines yesterday….
Don’t worry she’s recovered.
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.
For example, now you’re thinking—-it’s spelled “psychic”, stupid.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
David.
David who?
It was at that moment David realized how serious his mother’s dementia was.
I’m an armchair psychologist…
Yesterday I diagnosed a Lazyboy with schizophrenia.
Two great musicians hated each other
And after years of always being compared to one another, they finally decided to have a duet of guitars to see which was the better player. They carefully selected an audience of musical experts, and with that they played.
After a fifteen minutes duet, the vote was cast. Amazingly, the results were a dead heat- half of the audience voted for one, half voted for the other.
Angrily, the first musician took out a clarinet.
“Let’s see how you manage THIS” he hissed at the second musician. The second musician dutifully brought out his own and they played. Thirty minutes later, both musicians tired but nonetheless angry, asked the audience to cast their vote.
The votes were tallied. Again, completely equal. Aghast but furious, the second musician brought out a piano, the first followed, and they played away. A full hour of a duet. Rachmaninov’s piano concerto in triple time, Flight of the forty million bumblebees. The musicians were exhausted but enraged. The vote cast. Another dead heat.
So it went on. Each duet a different instrument, a longer time, a dead heat. Bassoons, oboes, flutes, Swiss alpine horns, ouds, theremins, holophonors, the list went on.
Sweating profusely, absolutely livid, the first musician had enough. He staggered over and reached his hand into an ornate box. Suddenly the second musician, terrified thrust out his arm in desperation.
“NO! We must not resort to violins.”