Your joke made me choke on my Coke, bloke.
mmm
Dun geddit.
Edit, never mind, just read the entire post.
For proper form, there should be a longer delay on that one. I’d have at least put it in the next post.
Depends of the altitude…
Heh. I’ve written something similar:
Here is a short joke:
“Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Hike.” “Hike who?”
“Yes - that’s what this is.”
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window.
For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver said, “Look, mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver — I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”
Professor X asks a girl, “What is your mutant power?”
Girl replies: “I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!”
She points up and says: “3 pulls”
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: “Yes, that’s cool and all, but not really a super power…”
Girl: “Yeah, I was just kidding; I can heal paraplegics”
Professor X, still standing: “Oh, my God.”
Why did a Transgender Man only eat salads?
Because he was a Her before.
My wife and I were arguing as to whose turn it is to do the laundry.
Finally, …I threw in the towel.
Among all the machines out there, the pulley is the most egotistical.
It’s always the center of a tension.
Two women came to my door and said they wanted to tell me about breastfeeding.
They were Jehovah’s Wet Nurses.
OK, I like the Professor X one. I really should have seen it coming, but didn’t.
It’s entitled to a little ego— it’s always pulling way above its weight.
On July 20, 1969, humans landed on the moon for the first time
We would’ve gone earlier but the moon was full.
I’m not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles’ head on them.
But then again, I’ve never liked change.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Sun: Greg, Mon: Ian, Tue: Greg, Wed: Ian, Thur: Greg, Fri: Ian, Sat: Greg
It’s the Gregorian calendar.
What do you call a rainbow without any colors?
A plainbow.
MOM! I don’t like Uncle Billy!
Shut up and keep eating!
MOM! I don’t want to go to Hawaii!
Shut up and keep swimming!
MOM! I can only go in circles!
Shut up, or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor!
I would never have gotten into leather work if it wasn’t for my mother.
She was really bad at cooking steak.
What did Christopher Robin’s mother tell him?
I’m tired of you always leaving your Pooh lying around.
I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”
I said, “Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!”
I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark…
Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin.
Have you heard about the street performer who did his act in the middle of a hurricane?
It was mime-blowing.
(Shamelessly stolen from the internet):
In a very seductive voice a woman asked her husband, “Have you ever seen 20 dollars all crumpled up?”
“No,” said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 2 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled $20 bill.
He took the crumpled $20 bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen $50 all crumpled up?
“Uh…no, I haven’t,” he answered.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled $50 bill.
He took the crumpled $50 bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
“Now," she said, “have you ever seen $100,000 crumpled up?”
“No way!” he said, while becoming more aroused and excited.
"Well,” she said…”go look in the garage.”
Um, they all are 
Eh. I’ve posted a few originals here. They’re the ones that aren’t actually funny.
I try to steal jokes but I never get the punchline quite right.
Anyway, two engineers and a priest screwed a blonde to a lightbulb or something.
There is a brick/airplane joke that I knew from about 40 years ago. It’s the same concept as the one here.
The best way for this to work is that one person tells the first joke. Nobody gets it. But, if someone else knows the joke they will pretend it’s funny. Then other people will tell other jokes. Then after a few minutes somebody else tells the second joke. Then people gradually get it.
It’s fun when it works.
I’ve posted a few good ones I found on the internet, and nothing wrong with that! @Prof.Pepperwinkle is a world-class curator of jokes.
But most of the ones I’ve posted here have been from my memory banks of telling and hearing jokes back in the day, when someone would tell one and it would remind me of another one. I’ve posted a few originals here as well.
A dad joke from back in the pre-internet days (before I was even a dad!):
A fisherman took his small one-man boat out fishing in all kinds of weather. During a very cold stretch of winter, he gets the idea to build a small fire in the bottom of his boat to keep warm. But the first time he does, it burns a hole in the bottom, sinking the boat. After he manages to swim back to shore, he realizes…
…you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Thank you for the compliment, solost.
Times New Roman and Comic Sans walk into a bar.
The Bartender shouts, " 'Get out we don’t serve your type in here."
New series on Netflix about male bladder issue:.
Streams Nightly
Did you hear about the new birth control pill for men?
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
Bear buys a new motorbike
And he wants to show it off to his friend rabbit. They get on and slowly go up a big hill. Then on the way down they go 80, 90, 100, 110, 120 km/h! The bear then asks the rabbit:
”Are you scared?”
“Nope”, says the rabbit, so they finish the ride and get off the bike.
“May I try driving now?”, asks the rabbit.
“Sure, why not”.
So they slowly go up the hill again, this time with the rabbit driving. And then they go down 80, 90, 100, 110, 120km/h! and the rabbit asks the bear:
“Are you scared?”
“Nope!”
“Well, you should be, cause I can’t reach the brakes.”
The new Russian AI application -
ChatKGB - it’s asking all the questions, and you are obligated to answer them.
Absolutely. Applause and gratitude to @Prof.Pepperwinkle.
mmm