I was pretty sure I’d had this mustard before…
Must’ve been Dijon-Vu.
Give a man an egg and he’ll eat for a day
Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you’re “taking science too far.”
It’s a little known fact that William Shakespeare and Lord Byron died on the same day.
When they met Saint Peter at the pearly gates, he said, “We are honored to receive two incredibly distinguished poets on the same day! Unfortunately we don’t have room for both of you to enter today, so we’re going to have to have a little contest. I’m going to say a word, and both of you have to make up a poem, on the spot, using that word. The person with the best poem gets in today.”
They nodded their heads, ready to hear the word.
“Ok, make a poem using the word Timbuktu. Lord Byron, as you have nobility, you get to go first.”
He thought about it for a minute, smiled, and recited
As I stand upon the dry, burning sands
And gaze beyond the desert lands,
There suddenly appears in view
A caravan from Timbuktu.
Pete nodded and said “Wow, that was pretty great for something so on-the-spot. Ok Bill, think you can beat that?”
Shakespeare said, with a confident look in his eye,
Tim and I a-hunting went.
And spied three maidens, in a tent.
As they were three and we were two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two!
Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says,
“How do you fancy a round of golf?”
Tiger says “I didn’t think you would be able to play Stevie.”
Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
Tiger says “you have to understand Stevie I am a pro golfer, it will be too much of a mismatch.”
Stevie says" OK well tell you what, a million dollars says I win or are you chicken."
Tiger says “OK done, when do you want to play?”
Stevie says “Any night this week.”
My mom told me I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti.
You should’ve seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
