I am not picking up the tune on this one. Can anybody give me a key to getting it?
Did you hear about the remake of Akira Kurosawa’s Ran?
Also Ran
(Yes, I know the different pronunciations of ‘a’.)
Well, according to friends of mine who’ve played in orchestras, one tuned flute is not quite the same as another, unless you’re playing in a more prestigious ensemble.
I see, thanks!
A minor second is a scale interval equivalent to one semi-tone. They’re supposed to be playing the same note, but they’re not.
Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
It was pissed off.
I was cleaning out my attic, and found a painting and a violin.
I took them to a local auction house for an appraisal, and it turns
out i have a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius !!!
Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
With Twitter being re-branded to “X” What do we call tweets after the change?
Excretions.
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
A guy is talking to his friend.
He says "I got my IQ tested and got a 70, that makes me a genius. "
Friend says "70 doesn’t mean you’re a genius. "
Guy says “you sound like that idiot at the testing center.”
There’s a new documentary planned about flying.
They’re filming the pilot now.
My wife asked me why I never buy her flowers.
I told her, “You sell flowers?”
A gourmand committed to trying every variety of seafood. He traveled to a coastal city, flagged down a cab, and hopped in the back seat.
“Where to?” the cabbie asked.
“Take me somewhere I can get scrod!”
“Buddy,” the cabbie said, “I been asked that question a lot of times, in a lot of ways. But you’re the first person who’s ever asked me in the pluperfect subjunctive.”
Shouldn’t that be, ‘Your wife sells flowers?’
Uh, no.
My wife is asking why I never buy her any flowers from any flower vendor.
I am responding as if she was asking why I do not buy any of the flowers she sells.
Pronoun trouble.
But in the situation where you’re responding to your wife, the pronoun trouble wouldn’t occur, because she wouldn’t say “Why don’t you ever buy her flowers?”; she’d say “Why don’t you ever buy me flowers”. Which is only ambiguous in pirate dialect.
Wife: ‘Why do you never buy her flowers?’ The wife would say, ‘Why do never buy me flowers?’ Unless you’re using the Irish ‘me’, for ‘my’?
Sigh.
The target of the play on words is the listener, not the wife. Don’t overthink it.
Joke vanquished!
This is the correct response.
Not overthinking, merely thinking.
mmm
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The holocaust.
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm.
I think the Holocaust is probably worse than that, too.
A bee stung a guy’s penis. The guy goes to his doctor and says, ‘Can you get rid of the pain… but keep the swelling?’