I was on a solo tour of Europe, and I ran into Julia Roberts in Piazza Navona in Rome! We struck up a bit of a conversation, and I think she was actually flirting with me a little bit. She said, “Ooooh, it’s sooo hot out here today! Could you take my tour guidebook and just wave it toward my face to create a bit of a breeze, pretty please?”
I actually did a variation of this one during a real jib interview. It was one word, and my response was “can’t follow directions.” The interview had been going great to that point, and the interviewer clearly had a good sense of humor.
Bob goes to the doctor with a bump on his forehead.
He says to the doctor, “I got this red lump. What do you think?”
The doc runs a few tests and comes back looking flabbergasted.
“Bob this is incredible…”
“What is it?! Am I going to be okay?”
“It’s like a UFO. I’ve only ever read about it but you never actually see one, this is amazing!”
Bob is getting more nervous
“Give it to me straight” he says
“Well… There is a penis growing from your head”
“A penis?! Cut it off!”
" I can’t it’s already become a part of your brain, the operation would kill you" the doc explains.
Bob asks “you mean to tell me every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror I’m going to see a penis growing from my forehead…?”
The doc laughs… “Of course not! The balls will cover your eyes!”
Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch…
Yeti never complains.
How long does it take to get through a labyrinth?
A minotaur two.
When at a cocktail party, never try to initiate a conversation by talking about the Titanic.
It’s a terrible icebreaker.
I just watched an Australian cooking show and the audience cheered when the chef made meringue.
I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins in all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.