A recent on the spot one I was actually quite pleased with myself over:
We have a new doctor in my office. Joking around another partner about nine years younger than me shares how we spend enough time with each other that she thinks of herself as my “work wife”. I note to the new doctor that in her case and her age she’ll be more a work daughter, as I have two kids older and two kids younger than her … she’d be my median child but (doing quick head math) … not the mean girl.
Ha. Is she the mode? (Let’s go with “by gender”).
I don’t think she even posts here, let alone acting as one of our modes … thankless job that.
(Male is the most frequent gender.)
Heh heh
I finally caved.
“Honey, listen, I wrote a song about you.”
Between the Bushes.
We aren’t dating or anything, but we always have breakfast together on Saturday.
We call it “friends with Benedicts”.
An ambulance soon arrived, and the paramedic rushed up to see him.
“Are you comfortable?” she asked.
“Oh,” he replied, “I make a good living.”
Heh. I’ve told that one twice in this thread!
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
Attempt at a joke: A man called me sincere, so I invited him to my place and beat the crap out of him, because invitation is the sincerest form of battery.
OK, See ya Monday!
I originally heard the punch line as
“Well - I own a couple of dress shops”.
Sorry to correct the Prof, but this quote was from QE2’s Mum, Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon. “The Girls” were the future QE2 and her sister Margaret.
Huh. I copied that quote and its cite from a treasury of humorous quotations. Glad to see the cite corrected, thanks.
She replied, “You already told me that three times today.”
Aluminum-num-num. Or Alumini-yum, if your British.
Sofishticated.
A superb owl.
Smiley Cyrus.
New mixed dog breeds recently recognized by the AKC:
Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by…oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Oh, never mind…
Nice! I laughed at that.
Here’s one I just came up with.
Did you hear about the wedding of Esme and Usher? The priest said “I pronouns you husband and wife”.
Works best if you remember the poster who uses E, Es, and Em as Es pronouns.
Guess you can say that he’s into Flash photography.
To get to the other parade!
Beads used to buy you the island of 28. Manhattan, now you only get two coconuts.
It was quite the O’Cajun.
For the locals, Katrina and the Waves was not a good time.
Roses are red, violets are blue -
A face like yours belongs in the zoo.
Roses are red, violets are blue -
Some poems rhyme, this one doesn’t.
What did one pickle say to the other pickle?
I love you a great dill.
The definition of “endless love” -
Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.
I take it this joke continue on page 28 of its Reddit thread? 
Oops. I really have to proofread more.
Unfortunately, she didn’t know I existed.
…do they finish each other’s sentences?
I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome.
That’s common sense leaving your body.
She left me before we met.
“27. Manhattan” would’ve been a lot funnier