Marie Curie was a beautiful woman.
She grew more radiant every day.
“May you live as long as you want and not want as long as you live!” is an Irish toast.
“Bread, cinnamon, eggs and maple syrup!” is a French toast.
Russian Election
One of Putin’s ministers come to see him.
“Sir, I have good news and bad news.”
Putin sighed and said, “tell me the bad news.”
“The bad news is that no-one voted for you in the election.”
Putin stood, his face flushed with anger. “Well, what’s the good news?”
The minister cowered before answering, “you won anyway!”
Julia Roberts has a new movie coming out on St. Patrick’s Day.
She stars as a feisty legal assistant who exposes the toxic chemicals in green beer. It’s called Erin Go-bragh-kovich.
A professor at Oxford University is retiring after a brilliant career spanning several decades.
At the farewell dinner, all his fellow professors and colleagues gather to congratulate him, thank him for his service, and give rousing speeches about how great his contribution to the University and the world has been.
Someone proposes a toast, and just as they begin, there’s a flash of light accompanied by divine music, and … there in front of the gathering is an Angel from heaven. Turns out that the gods have also been impressed by the professor.
The Angel turns to the professor and says “Sir, you have been an exceptional human being and an inspirational teacher. As a mark of appreciation from the gods themselves, I have been asked to grant you a Wish: you can choose between Infinite Wisdom and Infinite Wealth. Speak, sir, what would you have?”
Without hesitating, the professor chooses Infinite Wisdom.
“So be it”, says the Angel, waves a wand, and then vanishes.
A dim halo appears around the professor’s head.
The gathering has been stunned into silence by all this. Finally someone finds the voice to speak, and tells the professor “well… say something”.
The professor says, “I should have taken the money”.
