A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says, "You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential! "
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.
“Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked
them why they were late. “Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus
but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found afarm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A tenth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.
“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but…”
“Let me guess,” the General interrupted, “it broke down.”
“No,” said the G.I., “but there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.”
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.
An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
“So, what is it?”, grumbled the governor.
“Judge Garber has just died”, said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.”
Replied the governor: “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the undertaker”.
A teacher fell asleep in class and a little boy walked up to him.
Little boy: “Teacher, are you sleeping in class?”
Teacher: “No, I am not sleeping in class.”
Little boy: “What were you doing, sir?”
Teacher: “I was talking to God.”
The next day the boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him.
Teacher: “Young man, you are sleeping in my class.”
Little boy: “No, not me sir, I am not sleeping.”
Angry teacher: “What were you doing?”
Little boy: “I was talking to God.”
Angry teacher: “What did he say?”
Little boy: “God said he never spoke to you yesterday.”
A man is sitting at home on the veranda having drinks with his wife and he says, “I love you”.
She asks, “Is that you or the beer talking?”
He replies, “It’s me… talking to the beer.”